Yep, she'll be hanging spoons from her nose in no time.

Please help me update my email address book

For the last year I've had two email addresses- my old one based at my previous address with Lena, and the one from my current account.

I let time run out without giving everyone my updated address, and without importing my address book to my 'new' email.

Now I can't access the old email. I don't want to just put my email on my blog because I'm afraid it will lead to unwanted consequences, but if you had my old address, just add the number "1" before '@' and you have my new email.

Please send me an email to that address so that I'll have your address, too.


I tried to keep the old email by just adding it as an additional email under my account, but right now that address is apparently in limbo- I'm locked out like it no longer exists, but when I try to add it it's already in use. I suppose someone could have grabbed it already, but it seems unlikely in the last 24 hours.

Of course, all of this might not matter because I might switch servers soon. If I do so then I'll do my best to provide everyone with the new info.

And finally, I read this headline when I logged on tonight: "Suspect in 'Santa' shootings kills self". It's an absolutely horrible story, but I have to note my Christmas Freudian mind slip. When I first read I thought it said Suspect in Santa shootings kills elf.

Abe Vigoda Poll

My Abe Vigoda poll attracted a whopping 7 votes. I am happy to report that Mr. Fish, alias Sal Tessio, is still hanging around, as 57% of the voters guessed.
So that's that. I was just playing with available blog features anyway.

One more

Some sports twins for Brian

Larry Bowa says "You mean, let me understand this, 'cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little ******ed up maybe, but I'm funny how? I mean funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to ****in' amuse you? What do you mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny?"



Heisman winner Rufio Bradford:


Joakim Noah sings...

I know. They don't look much alike. But the pose sells it for me.

Lou Piniella's Deliverance. "He's got a real pretty mouth on him, don't he?"

Perhaps I'm mistaken, but I believe at least one of these is in very poor taste.
But I feel it's my duty to live up to the "secular assault on Christmas" reputation.

Youtube videos/ Creation of the Universe

When I put up the Steve Martin video (very funny) I was fascinated by the two companion videos that the keywords pulled up. I watched video #2 and still can't figure out what the heck it was.
But that one still makes more sense than video #3. Merry Christmas, Brian! I should just pretend I posted it as a gift to you. In fact, it's much funnier than the Steve Martin thing. I should just dump that one.

While watching that video I gave some more thought to the whole idea of creationism. I then decided that the universe is in fact about 37 1/2 years old. It sprung into existence at the same time as me.

Oh sure, you might come up with so-called 'witnesses' who claim to be older than me and who saw the world more than 37 1/2 years ago. Such scoffers claim there are even books, movies, art work, and architectural structures that were created more than 37 1/2 years ago. But all this supposed 'evidence' is simply the devil's work; traps to trick the non-believers, false memories to trick the unwary.

That 1963 penny I found the other day? Planted by God.
Why?
Ours is not to wonder why. But perhaps He was just trying to make me feel more at home. He was worried that if the world looked too new, I'd be afraid to scuff it up.

Madoff

I read the guy's name in a dozen articles before I heard it pronounced on NPR this morning. Now that I know the pronunciation I can't believe none of the articles were titled "Madoff Made Off With Billions."

So I plugged that exact phrase into Google and found that some articles (just not the ones I read) were in fact titled just that. I guess I don't have to give up faith in headline writers.

I also can't stop worrying about all the 401ks in this country. I won't lose sleep over my own- it's simply not enough money to fret over- but until now I honestly didn't worry that much about retirement fund crooks. Mismanagement, stupidity, stuff like that, sure, but not fraud.

But Madoff apparently swindled some fairly wise investors, and he seems to have done it with ease for quite a long time. It makes me wonder how much of the rest of our money is invested in smoke and mirrors. It might be a small percentage, but I bet the sum total is substantial.

Stale foods

I see that Brian has posted Big Boy, and Mark is talking about muffins and cupcakes, and Dad reports the death of the Doughboy. Must be holiday munchies, because I also have a food-related topic in mind.

For some reason, I found myself wondering why some foods get harder when stale, and others softer. Once reading it, the answer seemed obvious. But science has never been one of my strengths.

In case anyone who reads this is as ignorant as me, here is a brief explanation.

Softer foods generally start out with more moisture than the surrounding air, and so lose this moisture and harden over time. Hard foods are less moist than the surrounding air and so gain moisture over time and get softer.

Yep, I know. I should have been able to figure that out on my own. But what's the point of paying for internet access if I still have to think for myself?

And Mark, I researched your question, too, and as it turns out there are some fairly detailed descriptions of the difference. But this one seems adequate: "If you threw a cupcake against the wall, you would hear something of a "poof!" If you threw a muffin, you would hear a "thud!"


That was from http://www.englishforums.com/English/CupcakesAndMuffins/ghvm/post.htm

I also created this helpful side-by side comparison.

I do believe that if you threw Joanie Cunningham against a wall she would also 'thud'.

If I am correctly following the news reports, the automotive bailout talks are going something like this.

Big 3: We need $25 billion to stay in business.
Government: No way, dude! There's not a chance you're getting that money.
Big 3: We now need $34 billion to stay in business.
Government: Okay, maybe we can give you $15 billion.

The logic, or lack of logic, of all this just blows me away. I don't know what the government should or shouldn't do- macroeconomics isn't my strong suit- but this just doesn't make any sense.

The automakers have basically said they need $34 billion to stay in business. So wouldn't giving them $15 billion be pretty much a waste? Wouldn't it result in $15 billion lost along with the car manufacturers?

It seems to me as if it would be like using a 20-ft. rope to rescue someone trapped in a 40-ft. well. Except that we're throwing the entire rope down the well rather than just dangling it over the side.

If that strategy ends up working, though, I might try it myself.

Me: Give me a 50% pay raise or I quit.
Boss: Get lost.
Me: Okay then. Give me a 100% pay raise or I quit.
Boss: How about a 25% pay raise?

Tuesday update. According to today's newspaper, UK is a 2 1/2 point underdog. That's more like it. But I double-checked the website I used, and they do indeed have UK as a 2 1/2 point favorite, so I didn't read it wrong.

East Carolina

I just did some superficial scouting of Kentucky's Liberty Bowl opponent. Here are my initial thoughts.

First, East Carolina must be located somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean. And as an aside, I suppose West Carolina is somewhere in Tennessee.

I am very happy to report that the Pirates do NOT have a running quarterback. That's always good news. They haven't put up very high point totals- but neither had Tennessee or Vandy before they played UK.

No opponents in common with the Cats, so no help there. But they did crush West Virginia and Memphis, so they must be a lot better than Louisville.

I believe the Kentucky defense that showed up against Louisville, Alabama, and large chunks of the first 7 games can handle East Carolina's offense. A lesser performance is trouble.

The Kentucky offense that showed up in, well, ummmm... Did the Kentucky offense ever show up?

I may make a score prediction closer to game-time. For now I'll settle for a point-spread prediction. I'd say East Carolina will be favored by 5 1/2.

________
Two minutes later- It occurred to me that there is probably a spread available already, so I looked. Vegasinsider.com says UK is a 2 1/2 point favorite. I still think it will float closer to my line. But looking at the initial line I suppose it will probably not drift back to more than about even.
The over/under is 42. My initial impulse would be to take the under.
_________

How Not To Spend A Saturday

or
How To Get A Free Oil Change

I got up way too early for a Saturday, and went to work until 1:00. While working, I comforted myself with the knowledge that overtime pay is nice for Christmas shopping.

I left just as the roads were getting nasty. Well, not nasty, really. But the other idiots on the road couldn't seem to find the right speed for the weather. For example, The 50 mph speed limit section of Taylorsville Rd. could easily be traversed at 45 mph, but 1/3 of the other drivers were doing 25 mph and the rest were doing 55-60. I believe that is an unsafe combination.

I went that way instead of the expressway because I needed to stop for an oil change. I went to the Valvoline at Breckenridge/Taylorsville.

I pulled into the bay at about 1:25. The oil change took longer than usual; by the time they were done I was a little nervous because the guy under the car had been banging around a little too much and I sensed some uncertainty. It was about 2 o'clock when they finished.

Intending to go to KFC on the corner, I pulled out and crossed Taylorsville Rd. If you are familiar with the area, you know it's tricky to cross those 6 lanes quickly.

It's especially tricky when your engine revs a lot but your transmission doesn't seem to want to shift gears. I made it across without being killed, pulled into the Kmart lot and drove around a little, stopping and starting a lot to test it. There was definitely a problem.

So I again negotiated the suicidal crossing and returned to Valvoline.


I told the first guy "I've had no performance problems at all from this car for 4 years. But after an oil change here it now runs like shit."

Then I told the manager it seemed like the transmission but that I'd never had a problem with it until now.

Another hour wait while they fixed their mistakes. Turns out they'd completely drained my transmission fluid, which was checked 'ok' on the nifty little sheet they gave me after the oil change. And they'd also overfilled my oil by about 3 quarts.

Net result was a lot of hassle, hopefully no permanent damage to the car, and a free oil change. The car is running fine now.

Fun

I lucked in to checking the kentuckysportsradio blog during their live blog of the Louisville game. What fun! This blog has always been entertaining, but it has gotten a lot better since they were kicked off the radio and don't need to deal with little things like scruples.

39G.010 Kentucky Office of Homeland Security executive director -- Duties --
Delegation of duties -- Notification of disaster or emergency.
(1)
The Kentucky Office of Homeland Security shall be attached to the Office of the
Governor and shall be headed by an executive director appointed by the Governor.
(2)
The executive director shall:
(a) Publicize the findings of the General Assembly stressing the dependence on
Almighty God as being vital to the security of the Commonwealth BY INCLUDING THE PROVISIONS OF KRS 39A.285(3) IN ITS AGENCY TRAINING AND EDUCATIONAL MATERIALS. The executive director shall also be responsible for
prominently displaying a permanent plaque at the entrance to the state's
Emergency Operations Center stating the text of KRS 39A.285(3);

That's the first duty of the executive director of the Kentucky Office of Homeland Security.

and KRS 39A.285 (3)? Here it is:

The General Assembly hereby finds that:
(1) No government by itself can guarantee perfect security from acts of war or
terrorism.
(2) The security and well-being of the public depend not just on government, but rest in
large measure upon individual citizens of the Commonwealth and their level of
understanding, preparation, and vigilance.
(3) The safety and security of the Commonwealth cannot be achieved apart from
reliance upon Almighty God as set forth in the public speeches and proclamations
of American Presidents, including Abraham Lincoln's historic March 30, 1863,
Presidential Proclamation urging Americans to pray and fast during one of the most
dangerous hours in American history, and the text of President John F. Kennedy's
November 22, 1963, national security speech which concluded: "For as was written
long ago: 'Except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.' "
Effective: March 28, 2002
History: Created 2002 Ky. Acts ch. 82, sec. 2, effective March 28, 2002.

This text- this Kentucky state law- says the Commonwealth of Kentucky is not safe from terrorism and war unless I believe in God.
For a few days every year, when it's time to renew my ACLU membership, I think to myself "Is it worth it? Don't I have better uses for this money?" Now I have my answer. I'll just look at this Kentucky state law, and then I'll write the check. And include a little extra.

______________________

7 pm addition. Surfing for news about the ACLU case against the state (thank God for the ACLU, ha ha!), I found a conversation on Snopes with some great comments, like:
"Surely if God was responsible for securing the state, there would be no need for such a department at all."
and
"How would this even work? It would be like Rod and Tod Flanders on a grander level. "Thank you God for sending Homeland Security Officers to protect us from the disaster... that you also sent.""

Zoo

Fossil fuels. Cool.

Thanks for the link, Brian.

Nice coincidence that tonight's "Simpsons" was the one with the Bible stories. I liked Homer's line in the Garden of Eden. "You're pretty uptight for a naked chick."

The Day Keanu Stood Still

Ads for "The Day The Earth Stood Still" have been airing at every commercial break for a few days now.

Each time I see the ad, I imagine the director as he gets the brainstorm to cast Keanu Reeves.

"Hmmm...who can I get, who can I get? Who can I find that can recite lines that are utterly devoid of any inflection or emotion? Darn. That's a toughy. This is crucial, too. He really has to act robotic. And not 'Star Wars' robotic. No sly hidden personality. This guy's gotta show nothing. Nothing at all. Kevin Costner's too old. And really, even he might not be capable of this. I mean, he really has to be dead up there. Any sign of life will really blow it. Whoever gets this role has to be capable of--wait! I've got it! Keanu Reeves."
_________________________________________________________________

And to stick with my entertainment theme, I'll make my first non-sports prediction. (Okay, I remember I said McCain would win the election. How was I to know his campaign slogan would be "I'm a very unlikeable guy, so vote for me!" And I think I should get credit for pinpointing the exact moment that McCain lost the election, as no one else has done so.)

Anyway. "My Own Worst Enemy" has been canceled by NBC. My prediction is that it will be an very popular DVD set. It's a darned good show. I don't know how many episodes it has left, but I can see an 8 or 12 episode series selling at a pretty good rate. In fact, I suspect that might be why it wasn't yanked immediately.

Awful

Sure, a third straight bowl is nice. But I think this might be the worst Kentucky football team I've ever seen.

I do believe the SEC is usually the best conference. But watching this Kentucky team all year, I've finally realized that the only reason they haven't lost by 30+ every game is that the rest of the conference is a lot weaker than usual.
It's frustrating, because I can see a lot of signs of improvement. Both lines are deeper and more talented than in years past. The linebackers are very good. The secondary is fairly weak, but probably better than most Kentucky teams have had.
But they are just no good at the offensive skill positions. That's frustrating, because that's where Kentucky has always managed to be pretty solid.
They've had a run of pretty good quarterbacks and they've managed to find some really great running backs over the years. They usually have a couple of reliable receivers. But not this year. Neither QB is close to SEC caliber, at least at the moment. None of the receivers are any good.
They are deep at running back, but by no means outstanding.I'd be happy to have any of the current backs as the 2nd option behind an Adams, Higgs, Williams, Pinner, or Little, but none of them are good enough to be the main back.

Oh well. I'm not too discouraged. Scanning the roster and recruits, Kentucky's in pretty good shape for the future at most positions.

Almost made it

I heard most of the second half. I think I fell asleep with about 8 minutes left.

Apparently, Kansas State made quite a run. I'm glad I slept through it, because I think I can envision how it happened: turnover, K-State layup, turnover, K-State 3-pointer, missed shot, K-State short jumper, turnover, etc...

If Liggins sees the court tonight, I'll be very disappointed. I don't know all the details, of course, so I can't suggest any more discipline than that. But at the very least, a player who refuses to enter a game should be benched for at least the next game.

It's not like it will matter. How much worse can the ballhandling get?
--------------------------
On to the important stuff...
Seems to be a lot of doom and gloom about UK's chances at Tennessee. I guess a 23 game losing streak can do that. Plus the fighting Bluetick Coonhounds whipped Vandy last week, a week after Vandy whipped the Wildcats.

I refuse to be pessimistic, so here's my positive spin. Neither team has put 2 decent games in a row together. Tennessee played their best game last week and so the trend shows a bounce is likely.
Kentucky is also coming off a bye week.
Here's how they've faired in their most recent games with more than a week to prepare:
2008 Beat WKU 41-3
2007 Beat Florida State 35-28
2007 Beat LSU 43-37
2006 Beat Clemson 28-20
2006 Beat Mississippi State 34-31

I guess I could also factor in the Louisville game this year- that was a long bye, after all- 8 months. And the opening day win over EKU last year would count that way, too. So that's a pretty long winning streak. And some impressive wins.

Early projections for the Basketball BCS

Championship game: North Carolina vs. Connecticut
Orange Bowl: Louisville vs. Texas
Fiesta Bowl: Duke vs. Notre Dame
Sugar Bowl: Gonzaga vs. Tennessee
Rose Bowl: Michigan State vs. UCLA

Sorry about your luck, all you non-championship game teams. You can’t win the title. Neither can you, Purdue, Oklahoma, Arizona State, and the rest of the top 25- especially you, Xavier and Memphis. Just forget about it.

I know it's unseemly to have a team like Gonzaga in the BCS, but according to the rules, they qualify. Don't worry, we'll change the rules next year. It won't happen again.

Note: Michigan State, Purdue, and Wisconsin have each lost a game. You might think Michgan State's loss to Maryland will keep them out of the BCS, since it is worse than losses to UConn or Oklahoma. However, that loss was a day earlier than Purdue's and Wisconsin's, so the Spartans are still expected to get the bid.

Light Up Louisville

I sincerely hope that the geniuses in charge of Light Up Louisville are not the same people in charge of figuring a way out of the budget crisis.

I keep reading and hearing about the big bad lawyers who wouldn't let Louisville use a Grinch theme.

I say good for Dr. Seuss Enterprises. Copyright laws are in place for a reason. What I want to hear more about is who the idiots are who didn't realize there might be a problem with stealing copyrighted material.

SEC 1-2

Alabama and Florida are now ranked 1st and 2nd in the BCS rankings.
(Monday 4 pm- Sorry for the wrong ranking information. That's what I get for trusting another blog for my news. Bloggers are completely unreliable. Except for me. Except for this time. But my point remains the same)
Here's the flaw I see in the whole ranking thing.

Those two teams will probably win next week and will still be 1 and 2. Then two weeks later they'll play each other in the SEC championship game.

I think Florida will win handily. But for argument's sake, let's assume it's an excellent game, close throughout, very hard-fought, and Alabama ends up winning 34-31.

Florida would then drop in the polls. Even though they lost by only three points to the #1 ranked team. That makes no sense.

Likewise, if Florida won 34-31, they would then become the #1 ranked team. And Alabama would drop somewhere lower than #2, even though all that happened was that that they lost by 3 points to the now #1 ranked team.

Something is wrong with that.

I remember that the Arkansas-Alabama game last year was a perfect example of this flaw. Arkansas was ranked in the high-teens prior to the game. Alabama was unranked. Alabama won the game by 1 point, and the following week they were ranked 16th and Arkansas dropped out of the polls. If Alabama truly deserved the number 16 ranking (turns out they didn't), then shouldn't Arkansas have been right behind them? Or if Arkansas didn't deserved to be ranked, why was Alabama's 1-point victory over them so impressive?

Golf & other

1) Since I hyped it to Brian on the way home from the golf course, and I'm watching an episode from the NBC site now while I type this, and I also really, really don't want the series canceled because I enjoy it tremendously, I want to recommend the NBC series "Life" to anyone who reads this. It's great. It's on Wednesday nights and I think you can enjoy it without watching previous episodes, but if you want to catch up first, most of season one is on-line.

2) Golf. We did okay. I was our D. It's been a long time since I was a D player. I think I did a good job. I gave a good read on the first putts, I made a few decent-length putts, and I provided a few nice safety shots. But I still stink.
We were twelve under. We could definitely have played better. Nobody played really well. Our three excellent golfers- Brian, Jim, and Monty- could each have played better, but they played okay. Sixteen under won it.

****8:30 pm. Okay. 18 under, according to Brian. I have no reason to doubt him. Even though he's a godless atheist. Which reminds me of this: In high school, I once lost grammar points on an essay because I purposefully used a small 'g' in the word "god." I resented it terribly, because I intentionally phrased the term so that "god" was appropriate- I avoided using it as a proper noun. I think I said something like "...their god." Afterward, I argued the point vehemently. I believe all I achieved was a lower grade on later papers.

A little late, but...

No way does Texas Tech beat Oklahoma tonight.

I just got home and saw the score is 7-0, so Oklahoma is giving me a little bit of a head start, but I swear I was thinking it all evening. So that's my prediction.

Also, I heard something on the radio today that I never, ever thought I'd hear: "And in the SEC today, Tennessee upset Vanderbilt by a score of 20-10."

The conversation on "Talk of the Nation" today was about the the auto industry. They talked a lot about plug-in electric cars.

I couldn't help but wonder how Louisville would have coped with September's power outage if all the cars had no juice.

And I'm still depressed by the stubborn insistence on sticking with personal vehicles.

Leaving aside the environmental concerns, I still just can't fathom the reason for the reluctance to embrace mass transit. The many millions of drivers in this country spend such vast amounts of money on vehicle insurance that it boggles my mind. This is all basically just wasted money. Plus fuel, parking, maintenance, etc. And fuzzy dice.

Glass half-empty

No muddy hike for me in this weather, so I amused myself this morning by reading the ranting comments on the kentuckysportsradio blog.

One optimist posted a link to the recruiting.scout.com site, which ranks Kentucky's incoming class at #25. Big news, since I can't remember the last time UK had a top 25 class.

Unfortunately, there are nine SEC schools in the top 24. Kentucky's class is ranked ahead of only Ole Miss (50) and Vanderbilt (64).

I would say it's time to start a petition to join the Big East Conference, but if the Cats played on Thursdays I'd have to miss Earl and The Office.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

Two roughing the kicker penalties, roughing the passer (supposedly) to nullify an interception, and an offense that only walks on the field long enough to either go three-and-out or throw an interception. Nice.
Punter Opie Taylor is the best running back, and picks up the only Wildcat first down in the entire first half. Great.
A third roughing the kicker luckily negated by a Vandy penalty. Brilliant. Way to learn from your mistakes, guys.
If Kentucky plays any worse they'll probably be invited to the Orange Bowl.
What a great sports weekend. And it's nice to have the Tuesday night thrashing from North Carolina to look forward to.

UK basketball and football

I told Brian Kentucky would easily handle the VMI Keydets.

Down 20 just seven minutes in, I still thought Kentucky would own the rest of the game.

But they never stopped playing stupidly. Not yet, anyway. They are down 16 with 11 minutes to go. To me, it seems to be entirely a product of playing precisely the way VMI wants them to; reckless and undisciplined.

They should learn a lot from this. And they still might win tonight. It doesn't seem entirely unlikely.
_______________________________________________

UK vs Vandy football on national television. No wonder it's supposed to snow, since Hell's freezing over. In honor of the big event, I'm trying out a new prediction method. Here goes:

The most points I can realistically see Kentucky scoring tomorrow is 38.
The fewest is 7. Mid-point prediction = 23.
The most I can see Vandy scoring is 34.
The fewest is 0. Mid-point prediction is 17.

So 23-17 Kentucky. Completely scientific, in a Bible-belt kind of way.

Pakulak'd!

I just checked Kentuckysportsradio's blog and read about Glen Pakulak's Saints' debut. I'll never understand how he couldn't make a roster the last 5 years.

At UK he absolutely boomed his punts, and though he's built like, well, a punter, he loved making tackles. I believe he secretly prayed for the return man to break loose so that he could make the hit himself.

Unsurprisingly, his debut was solid. Here are some comments on a Saints' fan forum. The thread was titled "Pakulak is a beast!"

"How ya like dem apples?! A 56 yard punt, and the punter makes the tackle too!"
"Thats good that he kicked 56 yards, but its bad if hes going to have to make tackles for us, real bad. But Razor is right, it looks like our coverage team was very unprepared for that kind of punt"

According to the kysportsradio posters, the return man was Harry Douglass. Nice bonus that he tackled a former Card. And one of them said his line was probably "You just got Pakulak'd!"
______________________________

And on a completely different topic: I made some delicious soup tonight.
Last night I stopped at Paul's for an onion, which was the only ingredient I forgot at the grocery. Since that was all I bought, I slipped it into my jacket pocket on the way home. Then I forgot it was there until this morning when I got to work.

I got a funny stare and a couple of comments from colleagues when I arrived at my desk and pulled an onion out of my pocket.

Today's Hike

I took a walkabout through Iroquois Park.

It was a lot of fun, by crikey! I was attempting to photograph the elusive North American Pothead (cannabis doofus). No bloody luck, but I enjoyed myself anyway.



I didn't manage to encounter much wildlife- only birds and squirrels, until near the end of the hike. That's when I came across this beautiful and dainjeruus snake. It's venom is known to render a grown man incoherent, unable even to drive a car. Cobras were nearly extinct in these parts at one time, but the combined efforts of the Sierra Club, the EPA, and local liquor stores have really helped them recover.

Isn't she a beaut? This one's fairly small, but still packs a wallop. I've seen some that have grown to as much as 40 ounces.

I caught a pothead's scent here. But it got spooked and vanished into the brush (actually, a 1991 Dodge Charger) before I could photograph it.

It happens every autumn

Nice try, Cats. That was the second-most entertaining game I've seen all year, behind only the Texas Tech vs. Texas game last week.

Kentucky's football team has improved greatly, but they still manage 1 absolute heartbreaker every season.

Last year it was the 52-50 overtime Tennessee loss.
'06 was Tennessee, too. 17-12. Nice delay of game, Cats. I'm still bitter.
'05, 31-24 to Louisville. Fumble at the goal line.
'04, 37-31, yet again to Tennessee.
'03, 71-63 to Arkansas. At least I think that's a final score. They might still be playing.
'02, the Wildcats learned they should keep the Gatorade in the bucket until the final horn.
And on and on.
Today's loss definitely qualifies for the list.


My guess is Kentucky will end up playing New Year's Eve in the Chick-fil-A Bowl. Or maybe there will be another tornado and they'll play in a New Year's Day bowl after all, after the game is delayed a day and moved to Lakeside High School's field. (By the way, not every blogger cares enough about quality to look up the name of an actual Atlanta school.)


10:45 addition- I only went back as far as that disgusting 2002 LSU game when I originally posted this. After a while I became curious, so I decided to check a few more years to see if there continued to be one really gut-wrenching loss each year. I decided to check 5 more seasons:
2001- Tennessee 38-35. Kentucky led 21-0.
2000- Georgia 34-30. Kentucky led 20-10 in the 3rd quarter.
1999- Syracuse 20-13, Music City Bowl. Kentucky led 13-7 in the 4th quarter.
1998- Georgia 28-26. Potential game-winning field goal blocked in the closing seconds.
1997- Hey, I found a year without one. They lost fairly close games to Mississippi State and South Carolina, but neither really qualifies.

Um, nice start, Sir.

Well, it could have been worse, I guess. At least he didn't say anything really dumb in his first post-election press conference.

I mean, it's not like he ridiculed the wife of one of the most popular (for some reason I've yet to figure out) presidents in American history. That would have been bad. It would have been even worse if she'd been frail, in poor health, and recently in the news after suffering a debilitating and sympathy-invoking injury, such as a fractured pelvis.

A joke about someone like that would have been pretty bad. It's a good thing he didn't say something like that.

________________________________________________________

Moving on to the important stuff.

I feel pretty good about the UK-Georgia game tomorrow.

Sure, Georgia could win by 40. But I think I have a few good reasons for feeling optimistic:
*Georgia may be looking to take out some frustration after their loss last week. But I think it's more likely that they're a little down after seeing their title hopes dashed.
*Kentucky's now-healthy (for the most part) front seven on defense can definitely hang with Georgia's offense.
*Teams generally show their greatest improvement between the first and second games of the year. Though it's mid-season, it is also Cobb's 2nd start at QB. I think this means the offense might show improvement. I won't predict that for certain, of course, because that would be incredibly dumb.

from Unexplained-Mysteries.com

Legal case against God dismissed

A US judge has thrown out a case against God, ruling that because the defendant has no address, legal papers cannot be served. The suit was launched by Nebraska state senator Ernie Chambers, who said he might appeal against the ruling. He sought a permanent injunction to prevent the "death, destruction and terrorisation" caused by God. Judge Marlon Polk said in his ruling that a plaintiff must have access to the defendant for a case to proceed. "Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant this action will be dismissed with prejudice," Judge Polk wrote in his ruling. Mr Chambers sued God last year. He said God had threatened him and the people of Nebraska and had inflicted "widespread death, destruction and terrorisation of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants". The court, Mr Chambers said, had acknowledged the existence of God and "a consequence of that acknowledgement is a recognition of God's omniscience".

"Since God knows everything," he reasoned, "God has notice of this lawsuit." Mr Chambers, a state senator for 38 years, said he filed the suit to make the point that "anyone can sue anyone else, even God".

Yahooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Congratulations, President-Elect Obama!

Johnny Olson, tell him what he's won.

Bob, the first prize in our Showcase Showdown is the National Debt, valued at 10 trillion dollars!
And no debt is complete without costly wars. You've won two! Yes, Barack, you'll be the envy of all the world leaders with quagmires in both Iraq and Afghanistan.

and so on

I was going to add more-economy, global warming, nearly half the country against him, etc. But I don't feel like making myself depressed. I'm trying to enjoy this.

My penpal

I wrote to Donna Brazile again. My emailed message to her was basically what I wrote below (no, not the stuff about napkins and James Garner). I was much nicer this time, but also more direct. I said:
I was upset by the fact that a respected national figure such as yourself would further the notion that atheists are pariahs and that elected officials and aspirants to elected office should avoid association with people who believe in a secular society.

Imagine if, instead of atheists, the group backing Kay Hagan had been Rainbow/Push, GLAAD, the Catholic League, or NOW. I believe the entire tone of your exchange with Wolf Blitzer and Bill Bennett would have been different.

She replied:

I said no such thing.Please do not put words in my mouth.

I feel like a basketball coach complaining to a referee. I think she blew the call, and she says she got it right. But maybe, thanks to my working the refs, one of those calls will go our way.

Thanks, Brian. That link to the youtube video has provided me with a lot of entertainment.

Questions I'm Pondering On Election Eve

* Am I still allowed to be a liberal if I always thought Studs Terkel was annoying?
* Why doesn't someone invent a restaurant napkin dispenser that reliably dispenses only 1 napkin at a time, rather than 25 napkins that all cling together?
* Wouldn't it have been cool if James Garner had campaigned for McCain?
* Or even cooler if he'd made a "the real Maverick supports Obama" commercial?
* If gay marriage is outlawed, will only gay outlaws get married? (I think I plagiarized that, but I can't remember from where so I can't attribute it.)

Response

Darn. No proof. I was sure this was it.

Here's the response:

Thanks Kevin,

Perhaps the only proof that convinces me of a "living God" is myself. But, I trust your own views are just as strong.

Take care,

Donna working tonight to prove she is just human.

The sarcastic and still very angry part of me wants to correspond again. I'd like to point out that on national television she contributed to the notion that atheists should be pariahs, and that our elected leaders and aspiring elected leaders should not associate with atheists, or even suffer the insinuation that they associate with atheists. In support of her argument she said there was evidence. This evidence is, of course, non-existent.

Her televised comments were incredibly harmful, and she apparently does not know the definition of 'evidence'.

Still, I appreciate the quick response. I'll probably email her back and give her my opinion, but I'll wait until I'm a little less angry. Hers was a friendly and (canned) dignified response, so I'll wait until I am in a mood to extend the same courtesy.

Hey, if it works for them...

Awaiting the scoop of the century...

Brian, I've been thinking a lot about that ridiculous video.

While watching the Blue-White game, I sent the following email to Donna Brazile at Georgetown University.

Dear Professor Brazile,

I recently viewed video of your conversation with Wolf Blitzer and Bill Bennett. I was fascinated by your comment that there was clearly strong evidence of God's existence.

I was astounded. How could I have missed this? I read the newspaper regularly, watch the 10:00 news most nights, and listen to NPR news reports every day. And yet I've somehow missed any coverage of this evidence (I know, NPR has a reputation as Godless heathens, but I really do not think they would have swept this under the rug).

Could you please let me know what this evidence is? I'd really appreciate it. I hate to ask, because I know you are a very busy woman, but it does seem pretty important.

I would have asked Mr. Bennett, but I was afraid he might not check his email while he's gambling.

Thank you,

Kevin

P.S. Is there any word on which direction He/She leans on the whole religion thing? Christian? Muslim? Hindu? Other?

"But we can beat these guys, right Spike?"

No score predictions from me. No predictions of improved offense, either. I learned my lesson. If it happens, it happens.

But the quarterback switch is the right move. Randall Cobb is the real deal. Any change that gets the ball in his hands 50 times per game can't be all bad.

If nothing else, Kentucky's offense will at least be more fun to watch.

football post/ travel guide

Saturday's college football game of the week is between Texas and Texas Tech.
Ah, Lubbock in the fall! The biting wind, the blinding dust that gets in your nose, your teeth, your ears. It's lovely.

I got the picture off a post at everydayshouldbesaturday.com. The post included this helpful tip for Longhorn fans traveling to the game:

If you want to buy beer, you’ll need to drive south of town to what is affectionately known as “the Strip” (Hwy 87 and 98th St.), a row of drive-thru liquor stores festooned with a veritable cornucopia of superfluous Vegas-style luminescence. You simply hand the attendant your cooler and a credit card and it comes back full of ice and your beverage of choice.

Perfectly true. Also accurate is this, posted in the comments section:

I’ve only been to Lubbock once, in April about 7 years ago, and it was just like that picture. I thought I was on the set for Mission to Mars. But what really freaked me out was when it started raining in the middle of that sandstorm and the rain picked up the dust, so it started raining mud. I’m driving in a white rental and all I see is big fat red muddy raindrops falling on my car.

I would add, however, that it doesn't actually rain too often. That's a good thing, since there aren't any storm drains on the roads. A downpour lasting over 20 minutes usually causes some substantial flooding.

Grammar

When I wrote, "a billion pounds of sugar are being consumed," I had difficulty deciding whether the correct verb was 'are' or 'is.'

Are 'pounds' being consumed?
Is 'sugar' being consumed?

I also considered just typing "We are eating a lot of sugar," because I was sitting in my recliner with a computer in my lap, and my trusty Strunk and White volume was way over on the bookshelf.

Which helps explain how I happened upon the following. Here is the address to find The Elements of Style. Sorry it's not a live link. I still have not figured out which of my security settings is blocking my ability to post a link.

http://www.bartleby.com/141/

I now have all the answers just a click or two away, and yet my poor grammatical decisions will undoubtedly continue. I can live with that, for I am lazy. I will continue to use too many commas and too many passive verbs. I will also still begin sentences with 'and,' 'but,' and 'so.'

But I'll know it's wrong. And that's the important thing.

Disturbing mental image

I went back and forth about whether I should share this. Then, I decided what the heck, if I have to live with this in my brain, why shouldn't you?

First, background info.
A few days ago, a kind, thoughtful person brought a 25-lb box of peanuts (still in shells) to work, thinking that as it is Halloween and about a billion pounds of sugar are being consumed in the office, some people might like a nice, salty change-of-pace.

So far, so good. I ate a lot of peanuts, and I managed to keep my mess to a minimum. The peanuts disappeared quickly, too, so I think that it was a good idea, for the most part.

but...

This morning, near lunch-time, I took a quick bathroom break. While I was in there, I noticed that the floor of the stall was littered with peanut shells. Someone evidently sat in there and had a snack while doing their business.

Happy Halloween.

Racing

....but enough about football.

I ended up down only $8 for the horseracing weekend. I was saved by an across-the-board wager on Conduit.

I consider it a wise investment. If I'd taken all my money out of my wagering account last month and put it in my 401k, I'd have lost a lot more than eight bucks.

Cats put the "special" in special teams.

My friend Debbie from work has a favorite insult I find amusing. "You're special. I bet you rode the short bus to school and licked the window."

Kentucky's kicking unit is special.

Blocked punt #1 was bad. It was the third blocked kick/punt this season, which indicates some fairly substantial special teams problem.

Blocked punt #2 was worse. Just because.

Then, after the blocked field goal, the camera showed Rich Brooks yelling at the special teams coach. I couldn't help but notice that this particular coach, Steve Ortmayer, who was witnessing a performance that, being the worst special teams performance I've ever seen from any football team anywhere at any time, absolutely had to put his job in jeapordy, was *eating a candy bar while Brooks berated him.

As a fan, I find that aggravating.
But I also find it oddly amusing.

I can't remember any specific blocks prior to the Tennessee game last year, but I think there was at least one more other than that last season. And at the very least, starting with that blocked field goal in overtime, there have been 6 blocked kicks in the last 10 games.

My suggested strategy: The Cats never convert on 3rd down anyway, so the third down play call should always be a rainbowed Hail Mary pass in the hope that it will be intercepted. If unsuccessful, repeat again on 4th down.

*A minor correction: after painful review of the videotape on ESPN 360, I can not confirm that Ortmayer was, in fact, eating a candy bar. But he was eating something. It might have been jerky.

Swamp Thing

I browsed the kentuckysportsradio blog after the game to check out fiasco-related discussions.

My favorite comment was:

J K Says:
October 25th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
Urban Meyer should do the honorable thing and marry Rich Brooks.

Breeder's Cup Friday

I am not likely to have a wager on Friday's first couple of races, and I haven't determined exactly what bets I'll be making.

But I have reviewed the fields, and I am prepared to offer Friday's pick of the day.

Take out a 2nd mortgage, cash in your life insurance, dip into that diminished retirement account, donate some plasma, and bet it all on Sky Diva in the Juvenile Fillies.

I expect a 10% cut if you win.

But don't come crying to me if you lose. You should have done your own research.

Oh, and Cocoa Beach looks pretty good for the Ladies' Classic.

Almost time to face the Swamp Thing

I'm looking forward to the Florida game.

But it does seem like a fitting road game for the weekend before Halloween. It's like a horror movie, and Kentucky's hobbled squad is the unlucky girl who's walking through the woods with her friends, perhaps returning from the lake, and says "oh, darn, I forgot my sunglasses. No, no, you guys go back to camp. I'll catch up in a minute," as the ominous music starts...


Tim Tebow as "The Swamp Thing"





Yes, it's going to be ugly. Star defensive tackle Myron Pryor (the only man to ever have a touchdown return timed with a sun dial) is out. Possibly all three excellent starting linebackers are out. Not a good start to stopping Tebow.

But the injuries on offense won't hurt nearly as much as fans seem to think. Yes, I loved having Lyons in the game. But he wasn't a game-changer. They couldn't score much with him, so they can't drop off too much without him.

And Locke was, and will be again next year, a great contributor. But they've still got their best running back. I've been waiting for 2 1/2 seasons now to see Smith as the featured back, because he's the best they've got. He's stronger than Locke and Dixon, runs harder, and is almost as fast as Locke. Moncell Allen looks solid, too. It's a shame Dixon will probably get 25 carries.

My advice to the gamblers is to not bet on this one. I'd love to advise you to take Kentucky, but I can't quite do that.

Personally, I'm focusing my gambling dollars on horse racing this weekend. That seems safer than betting it in my 401k.

IRONICTIMES.COM

I vist the Ironic Times site every week. It's usually very funny.

This week it's especially good. In exchange for my endorsement of their site, I believe they wouldn't mind my shameless copy and paste theft of a few of this week's headlines. I really liked them.


Average Price of Gas Falls Below $3
Should be down to 99 cents by election day.

Bush Nationalizes Banks
Challenges Russia to do same.

Conservatives Divided Over
McCain-Palin Ticket
Some can't stand her, barely tolerate him; others can't stand him, barely tolerate her.

. . . . . . 'Dancing With the Stars' adds Joe the Plumber . . . . . . Closed-door meetings in smoke-filled rooms kill health bill . . . . . . Fortune 500 dominated by pawnshops . . . . . . . . LATEST HEADLINES . .

NEWS QUIZ

What political organization is responsible for the above anti-Obama campaign banners?
A ) The Ku Klux Klan
B ) The John Birch Society
C ) The American Nazi Party
D ) The Sacramento County GOP
Hint: Eliminate the three ridiculously obvious choices and you'll get it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh yeah, and...

...last night as I was drifting off to sleep, for some reason I wondered why I sometimes hear the adjective "uncanny," but I never hear anyone use the adjective "canny."

I didn't know what "canny" meant, and I was guessing it might be like the whole ravel/unravel thing.

Turns out 'canny' is a legit word with several definitions, none of which is an antonym of 'uncanny.'

I find the whole thing to be a little uncanny.

Florida -24

I apologize for temporarily turning this into a UK football blog.

My days have lately followed a fairly consistent, non-post-worthy rut:
6:00-7:00 prepare for the day and travel
7:00-4:30 work and travel
4:30-6:00 eat and vegetate
8:00-10:00 t.v., exercise bike, read, watch television, mess around on computer.

That gap from 6 o'clock to 8 o'clock could theoretically contain some interesting stuff, but mostly it's just dishwashing, laundry, and trips to Target and Kroger and bookstores, and whatnot.

Interestingly (to me, anyway), I don't think I'll be nearly as tempted to write about Kentucky basketball. For quite a few years now, I've found the struggles of the football team much more riveting than the successful basketball team.

I blame Rick Pitino for my slighly dwindled enthusiasm. The constant 20-point victories during the Pitino Era were frankly a little boring. I seldom have that problem with the football team.

Oops, I almost forgot...
About Florida and the current 24-point spread: I can't quibble. Florida looks awfully tough, Kentucky's offense is anemic, and they are hobbled by numerous injuries to the exact players they can't afford to lose. But I can not ever recall seeing a team listed as a 24-point underdog seven games into a season in which they haven't allowed more than 24 points in any game.

UK defense

Kentucky has allowed 83 points through 7 games.
I wondered how long it had been since they'd done that well, and found...

2007-4 games, 93 points.
2006-4 games, 86 points.
2005-3 games, 98 points.
2004-4 games, 108 points.
2003-4 games, 90 points.
2002-5 games, 114 points.
2001-3 games, 100 points.
2000-3 games, 83 points.
1999-3 games, 105 points.
1998-4 games, 119 points.
1997-4 games, 121 points.

and I finally got tired of typing all these out, so I'll skip ahead. The last time the Wildcats allowed fewer points through 7 games was 1977. The stingy '77 UK squad only gave up 81 points through the first 8 games.
That team's 111 points through 11 games will be tough to equal. Florida will likely put the kibosh on that goal in just a few days.

A couple other years of note
1994- 2 games, 87 points and 3 games, 146 points.
Combined 1949 and 1950 teams, 24 games, 143 points.

Does that make anybody besides me wonder how different UK football history would be if Rupp hadn't chased Bear Bryant off the campus?

wow

Ron let me come over and watch the game there tonight, but I left at halftime.

I really didn't want to watch that mess.

But I'm a diehard fan despite myself, so I had it on the radio, and I clicked onto the Kentuckysportsradio blog while listening. The blog had a link to watch the game on-line, so I watched. I guess Kentucky's offense is sort of like a guy with a hairlip- I don't want to see it, but I can't help but look.

So there I was, occupying the timeouts by posting a comment about how Kentucky has zero offense, how I can't see the team having a good chance against anybody when they simply can't score...

and they pull one out of a hat. Wow. I bet the 45 people I saw remaining in Commonwealth Stadium really enjoyed that.

football

After last week's fiasco of a football game, I'll need some time to recover before I'm willing to make another prediction.

Joe the (not quite a) Plumber, however,
*avoids the Arkansas/Kentucky game unless he locked in Arkansas and the 10 points they were getting early in the week.

*picks Texas (-6) over Missouri,

*picks Georgia (-16) over Vandy,

*and throws in Louisville (-14) over MTSU, though he's not too sure about that one.

Good luck, Joe, and if you win, don't forget to pay those taxes!

Arkansas fans have a UK look-alike post, too.

Despise? and others

A) Do I really despise John McCain?

I spent a fair bit of time today reconsidering this notion. It seemed harsh.

The answer I came up with was "Yes."

His campaign has been despicable, and my best one-word description of his personality remains "Jerk."
----------------------------------

B) I hiked Jefferson Memorial Forest. Sorry for the omission.

-----------------------------------

C) The Cats have a tough game Saturday. Paterno has been at the helm for 42 years now, the epitome of loyalty to a university, and his squad is looking especially good this year. Paterno is respected for all he gives back to his university, and in the past he has passed up prestigious positions at the University of Michigan, the Pittsburgh Steelers, and the New England Patriots. I hope Kentucky wins, but it's tough to root against such a well-respected--- What? Petrino? Bobby Petrino? Really? Never mind.

McCain

I'm fascinated by how much I despise John McCain. I suppose it's possible that I never really cared for him, but in 2000, when he was running against W., he seemed likeable. Perhaps it was only by comparison.

I know that I was frequently disappointed in him over the last 8 years. He often spoke up vehemently about things he disagreed with, and vowed to fight. But then he always caved.

Throughout this campaign, though, I've been suprised to find out what a jerk he is. He's snide, condescending, and grumpy. And his celebrated integrity is nonexistent.

He's not a maverick. He's just a jerk.

Debate III, fair and balanced

I'm so proud of myself. I watched the whole thing! Again! I was not even tempted to check the score of the baseball game (which the Phillies are leading 5-0 in the 5th. Oops. I guess I checked once.)

I didn't abbreviate it any more than I did the last one, but at least it's fair and balanced.

State of the economy:
McCain: Fannie and Freddie Mae (sic) are the reason Americans can not retire, because I backed deregulation for every big corporation and financial institution except those two.
Obama: You are so full of it it’s coming out your ears.
McCain: You’re Hugo Chavez.
Obama: You’re desperate. And a total jerk, full of outrageous lies.
McCain: I know. But if I smile enough and try to sound reasonable, some people might believe me.
Obama: We need to invest in the future, and spend money responsibly.
McCain: I’m going to use a hatchet, and then a scalpel. (Honestly, does that sound like the surgery you’d want?- Kevin)
Obama: The Bush administration stunk, and you supported it.
McCain: I’m a maverick.
Obama: You’re a Bushketeer.
McCain: I’m a maverick.

Negative campaigning:
McCain: I regret the negativity of this campaign. Especially your negativity.
Obama: You’ve got to be kidding.
McCain: You better keep those ashes out of my yard!
Obama: Sorry, but I can’t help it if your people burn crosses on windy days.

McCain: I’m not saying you’re a terrorist, but you’re a terrorist.
Obama: You are insane.
McCain: I’m taking the high road, you filthy communist terrorist.

Vice-presidential candidates:
Obama: Joe Biden is Superman. Chuck Norris dresses as Joe Biden for Halloween.
McCain: Sarah Palin is a maverick. I couldn’t be more proud of her if she was my own great-great-great granddaughter.

Energy:
McCain: Drill, baby, drill. And let's build lots more nuclear power plants. I’m sure that mountain in Nevada can hold the waste- even if Nevadans are fighting it tooth-and-nail.
Obama: We should drill responsibly and invest in alternative energies and fuel-saving technologies.

Trade:
McCain: Free trade is good. And I like talking about Herbert Hoover and the 1920s and ‘30s.
Obama: I like free trade, but it should be fair trade, too. No sweat shops, child labor, and human rights violations should be responsible for your cheap coffee and televisions, and for driving Americans into unemployment.

Healthcare:
Obama: Healthcare costs way too much. We should look at every possible way to lower the cost and improve health.
McCain: Put healthcare records on the internet. And Joe the Plumber should join a fitness center.

( I wonder how Joe the Plumber feels about being the main topic of tonight’s debate. It has to be pretty cool. -Kevin)

Obama: McCain’s plan has huge holes in it. He completely trusts the unregulated free market. I can see why, based on how well the unregulated free market is handling everything else.
McCain: Joe, guess what! You’re rich!. (????- Kevin)

Supreme Court nominees:
(Here’s where I checked the baseball game. I missed McCain’s answer. So I’ll make it up.)
McCain: My first choice for a Supreme Court nominee would be Todd Palin. I like the way he handles a snow machine.
Obama: Roe vs. Wade is the law of the land, and I’ll try to keep it so. It’s not perfect, but abortions beat the crap out of messed-up people having messed-up kids.

Education:
Obama: Invest in early childhood education. Recruit better teachers. Pay teachers better, teach them better, and make them more accountable for results. Make college affordable. And parents need to be more responsible, or everything else I mentioned won’t work.
McCain: Teachers don’t need to have certifications. (My God! Is he nuts? - Kevin)
Obama: The federal government should not pass unfunded mandates.
McCain: I like vouchers. It’s fun to say. Vouchers. Vowwww-chers. VOUCHERS. Vow-chers.

Hiking

I missed Make Tracks Day. I did, however, go hiking the previous weekend. I toted my camera around for the entire hike without remembering I had it, or maybe just without feeling any desire to take pictures.

Near the very end of the hike I noticed the camera-sized lump in my pocket and thought, "Hmmmm...I should take a few pictures so I have proof that I didn't spend my Sunday morning watching Star Trek and useless political pundits."

Then I read Mark's blog and again thought, "Hmmmm...(all my best thoughts start with 'hmmm,' and are usually accompanied by a pensive forefinger-on-chin pose) I should post a couple of those pictures."

Drat

I can't say I'm suprised that DLJ's UK career is over. That knee-twist looked nasty on replays.

I'm going to miss watching him. I agree with the KY sports radio guys-the block against LSU (currently available on the video bar to the right) is my favorite play.

Looking for a bright side? I am confident that Dicky will spend the remainder of the season as an unpaid coach devoted to route- and signal-tutoring. Maybe the wide receivers will catch on by the end of the year.

I found this posting on Craigslist.

Quarterback Needed (University of Kentucky)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: job-875441452@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-10-11, 4:25PM EDT



How would you feel playing in front of no less than 70,000 fans every SATURDAY? Wednesday through Fridays are booked for Louisville games. The University of Kentucky is now accepting applications for the quarterback position. All you have to do is complete passes longer than 3 yards so that UK is capable of winning a conference football game this year. We prefer a passer capable of throwing a pass that can't be referred to as a "duck." We would also prefer someone that has at least middle school playing experience.

Please send video to offensive coordinator Joker Phillips.




Location: University of Kentucky
Compensation: The chance to play at a BCS school, and throw to wide receivers who have a 50/50 chance of catching the football.
This is a part-time job.
OK to highlight this job opening for persons with disabilities
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
PostingID: 875441452

Mail Goggles

According to http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20081007-mail-goggles-a-breathlyzer-test-for-your-gmail.html, Gmail has a new feature to protect against the email equivalent of drunk dialing.

Called "Mail Goggles," the Gmail add-on makes sending e-mail from Gmail more difficult during certain times that you can set manually (while sober, that is). How does it do this? If you have Mail Goggles installed—which you can do by going to the "Labs" tab under your Gmail settings and turning them on—it will force you to answer a series of math questions before sending out any new messages.

If you get the math questions wrong, or take too long, you receive a message telling you to go to bed, and your email is saved until a sober decision can be made.

Some historical perspective for depressed UK fans

On October 14, 2006, Andre Woodson was 14 of 37 for 151 yards with no touchdowns and one interception against LSU. His pass catchers that game included Keenan Burton, Jacob Tamme, and Dicky Lyons.

oops

Anyone who made wagers based on my predictions is advised to contact your nearest federal government for an emergency bailout.

4 South Carolina turnovers.
4 missed South Carolina field goals.

1 more South Carolina win over Kentucky.

I promise that this season I will never again say "this might be the game Kentucky shows some life on offense." Watching Mike Hartline play QB is like watching Michael Porter play point guard. Painful.
I knew the Wildcats were in trouble when they came up empty after the third turnover. A 7-7 tie after three SC turnovers was not a good sign. And then the only reliable receiver gets hurt.
I figured out that the only way to watch a UK on offense is to close my eyes and hope for the best. It looks like that's what the players on the field do, too.

Two for 16 on third down conversions won't win anything. Six yards per completion won't either, unless you complete about 85%. Less than three yards per carry hurts a little as well. How did Kentucky get 17 points?

When I saw Lorenzen and Abney on the sideline I was praying for someone to sneak them into uniforms.

My one positive comment: that interception and TD by Lindley was one of the sweetest interceptions I've ever seen.

Game prediction

Gamblers take note: I have a perfect lifetime record (for the life of this blog, anyway) predicting both winners and point spread winners. I'm 2-0 on both counts.

I don't imagine my record will stay perfect forever, but I expect it will stay pretty good- mostly because I'll avoid making picks on a lot of games.

Not this one, however.

The current line on the UK-South Carolina game has the Gamecocks a 2 1/2 point favorite. Ridiculous.

The argument is supposedly that Kentucky hasn't played anyone, other than their loss at Alabama.

My argument is that the Wildcats have handled the cupcakes exactly as they are supposed to. Take away a rough first quarter at 'Bama (and I have no problem doing so, because I can forgive a team with a new QB and green skill position players for being temporarily shell shocked in their first SEC road game) and Kentucky has outscored their opponents 140-25 in 19 quarters. That seems okay to me.

South Carolina only beat Wofford (owners of a nice 38-37 OT win over Georgia Southern) by 10. They only beat UAB (1 and 6 record) by 13. They crushed NC State way back in August. Since then, their points-scored vs. points-allowed is mediocre, at best.

Even the Gamecock cheerleaders are supporting the Cats.

political football and regular football

My abridgement was still rather long. I'm going to try again next week. I think I'll be able to simplify it even further. I wish I could do hand puppets on this blog, that would be cool. Maybe I'll make a hand puppet debate video, or something.

The project helped me focus, though. I normally zone out for a few five-minute stretches while watching stuff like that- or else change the channel to find out the score of a ballgame and forget to switch it back.

____________

Kentucky's a 1-point favorite over South Carolina.

I'd bet big on Kentucky. Almost all the injured players are back. Kentucky's sitting on a big game.

Everyone seems to think Kentucky made a good showing against Alabama. They actually played better against Middle Tennessee, which was a victory, but is still the game that has kept Kentucky out of the top 25 so far.

The presidential debate: abridged version

I watched and transcribed the entire debate tonight. More or less. This is the gist of what was said:

Key:
O = Obama
M= McCain

Economy
O: The economy sucks. It’s George Bush’s fault. And John McCain’s. I’ll fix it.
And I’m presidential.
M: The economy sucks. I’ll fix it. And I’m a nice guy. Plus I’m hip. I know about eBay.
O: My opponent is old and out of touch.
M: I care about the middle class. But until last month, I though Fannie and Freddy were the Flintstones.
O: It’s all John McCain’s fault. But I won’t point fingers. I thought Halle Berry was hot in “The Flinstones” movie. That Rosie chick stunk, though. But she’ll vote for me.
O: I’m going to give you everything you want and it’s not going to cost you a dime. my opponent is erratic.
M: I’m a maverick. He’s a communist.
M: I can reach across the aisle and work with Democrats. But Democrats suck.
O: Your paycheck is too small and you spend too much on gas. I’ll fix it. Plus I mentioned Kennedy. Everybody loves him.
M: I’m going to eliminate all government spending that doesn’t directly benefit you.
I’m more patriotic that Barack Hussein Obama.
O: All Americans will have to make sacrifices. (wink, wink. Just kidding. I’m going to make rich people pay!)
M: I knew Herbert Hoover. You, sir, are no Herbert Hoover.
O: I’ll give you anything you want.
M: I know how to fix Social Security. I’ll form a committee. That always works.
M: He’ll raise your taxes.
M: He’ll raise your taxes.
M: He’ll raise your taxes.
M: He’ll raise your taxes. I’m a veteran. I’m patriotic.

Healthcare
O: I know about computers. I’m young. Not too young though. Just young enough.
M: I’m a maverick. I’ve been in the Senate since 1846 but I’m an outsider.
O: I’m going to fix health care. My opponent favors leeches and ether.
M: I’m not out of touch. To prove it, I’ll throw in another gratuitous internet reference. By the way, Big Government is bad. That’s why I want to lead Big Government.
O: McCain just screwed up. I can’t wait to answer this question….HEALTHCARE IS A RIGHT!!! Duh.
And insurance companies are evil. God, this is like shooting fish in a barrel.

Important breaking news… at this point John McCain lost the presidential election by acting like a total ass and blurting out “Did we hear the size of the fine?” in reference to his accusation that Obama will fine small businesses. True, not true, doesn’t matter. If Al Gore’s sighs annoyed viewers in 2000, then that little outburst just cost McCain at least 100,000 voters.

Foreign Policy
M: I’m patriotic and wise. But not old. Wise and hip. Not that I have a bad hip.
O: I’m patriotic, too. And I care. And I’m young. Not too young, though. Young and presidential.
M: I’m tough and wise. If I lose, I’m going to do Viagra ads like Bob Dole.
O: I’m wise and tough. John and I should make a Reese’s peanut butter cup commercial.
M: You, sir, are also no Teddy Roosevelt. I knew him, too.
O: Why do you keep talking about carrying a big stick? Are you doing Viagra commercials already?
M: You’re a jerk.
O: You’re a geezer.
M: You’re a communist.
O: You’re senile
M: Oh, go to hell, you …whoops- I think I just wet myself.
O: Hah.
M: My opponent is soft on terrorism, soft on rogue nations, soft on..
O: That’s a lot of references to ‘soft’ The Viagra must be wearing off.
M: I’m going to start World War III by bombing Russia. Don’t worry, though, you’ll all die so fast there will be no need to re-institute the draft.
O: Everything is McCain’s fault. I will fix it.

QUESTION: Yes or no, is Russia an evil empire?
O: How dumb do you think I am?
M: How dumb do you think I am?

M: Iran is evil. I’m tough. I want the Jewish vote.
O: Iran is evil. I’m tough, too. I also want the Jewish vote.

IN CLOSING:
O: Change, change, change, change.
M: I'm a veteran.

Football

Kentucky once again displayed an inept offense and solid defense in losing to the Alabama Phytoplankton 17-14.

I am really enjoying this season, despite the fact that watching Kentucky try to move the football is almost physically painful.

I was very impressed with the defense. They played great without their best player, Micah Johnson, and he's due back next week, as are both the Cobbs and Justin Jeffries.

I still have not given up on the offense, either. Mike Hartline looks terrible at times, but no he looks no worse than Andre Woodson when he was a sophomore- in fact I think Hartline looks better. If some receiver, any receiver (please!) steps up in addition to Lyons, and with Cobb back to provide occasional change-ups at QB, then the offense can start clicking.

I see no reason not to be optimistic that Kentucky can end it's 0 and 15 drought against Spurrier next week.

Facemask

I have some opinions about the game that I'll share later. But for now, I only have a question.

I don't really have a beef with the officiating, because this is NEVER called. But how come ball carriers who stiff-arm defenders as shown in the picture are not penalized for grabbing the facemask?

3 of 3

I still can't predict a UK victory. Kentucky has a legitimate shot, though.

Both teams are well into their seasons, so I have to base my prediction on what the teams have done. On that basis, Alabama's been better.

But Alabama can't get much better than they've been already. I don't really buy the notion that it's a 'trap' game for them, but even if they play well they're still likely to play a little worse than they played against Georgia.

Kentucky, on the other hand, is much more likely to take a huge leap forward. If Tony Dixon runs into holes rather than diving into them, (or if he plays a lot less) it will help. If any one of the young receivers manages to hold onto a couple of passes, it will help a lot, too.

2 of 3

I'm trying doggedly to get into Graham Greene's "The Heart of the Matter."

I've read 7 or 8 Graham Greene novels. Two or three have been great, and the rest at least good. I bought this particular book at Half-Price Books over a year ago, but still haven't read it despite two previous aborted attempts.

This time, I'm determined. I feel confident that if I give it a good effort then I'll get into it and enjoy it, because I've had similar difficulty with a couple of his other books.

The problem is that Greene was primarily a screenwriter. His novels are very good, but the openings establish mood and bounce between seemingly unrelated characters in a manner that is very effective in movies, but drags in print. Once they get going, though, they are always worth it.

1 of 3

"She's awful" isn't much of a critique, so I'll expound.

I admit I am predisposed to dislike any candidate who thinks creationism should be taught in a science class. That's just plain stupid, so I don't feel any need to elaborate.

Despite the fairly positive media reviews, though, I still feel my assessment of "awful" was arrived at fairly objectively.

I gave Palin fairly positive marks for aggressiveness and for sticking well to talking points she believed worked for her. I believe, however, that she probably only impressed those who were likely to vote for her already.

She stuck doggedly to her script, and when forced to leave it at all she looked like a deer in headlights. She showed adequate command of a narrow range of issues, and on the rest she either relied entirely on notes-if she had notes for that particular topic, or floundered like a fish out of water.

Nice. Two animal metaphors in the same paragraph.