I wonder periodically about the nicknames of women's sports teams. It's one of those things I try not to think about because when I do it bugs me more than it should.

The common practice is simply to stick "Lady" in front of the name. Thus we have Lady Wildcats, Lady Cardinals, etc.

What about the inherently male names? Bellarmine always bothers me. Lady Knights makes no sense. Shouldn't it just be Ladies? Or Dames?
South Carolina Lady Gamecocks? Or are they the Hens?
Shouldn't South Florida's Lady Bulls be the Cows? But that doesn't seem very nice.

I'll leave Alabama and Oregon State alone. The first is gross, the second is too Beavis and Butthead-worthy.

Thanks for the idea, Conan

Dear Big Boy,

It appears it may be time to sever our relationship. I would like to do so on a good note.
I know we've had creative differences in the past- for instance, those rock-hard biscuits you served me last June and the undercooked hash browns in March, 2007- but I hope we can settle this like gentlemen.
I have therefore decided to make this offer. I am willing to end the bickering and walk away for what I feel is a reasonable price. I am also willing to sign a no-compete clause.
If you will pay me $18.00 (US) then I believe we can terminate our relationship amicably. I will agree to refrain from any negative public comments about you and your restaurants. Furthermore, for the period of one year I will not eat at Cracker Barrel, Waffle House, IHOP, or Denny's.

I must insist on the continued right to grab a sausage biscuit at McDonald's when I'm in a hurry.

Thank you for your consideration,


Kevin

If this works I'll try something similar with Target, Wendy's, and Barnes and Noble-and of course Rick Pitino and Tiger Woods.

ESL

I feel sorry for everybody who has to learn English as a second language. It seems to be a remarkably versatile language, but at the cost of being awfully darned complicated.
I, of course (being a proud American), do not know any other languages, so I can't really compare it with anything else. Still, my less-than-rudimentary knowledge of Spanish and droplets of other Latin languages has led me to believe learning English must be a pain.

Consider this example, compliments of Aunt Julie.

Which is correct?
"Your heating and cooling equipment is getting old."
or
"Your heating and cooling equipment are getting old."

What a pain.
Honestly, the first word I pondered was 'old.' I wanted it to be 'older,' but I decided I didn't mind 'old,' and in fact preferred it because it more accurately portrayed the idea that the equipment was arriving at a state of oldness.

Satisfied, I moved on to the actual question. It is quite a field of land mines.

I think all of the following sentences are correct:

"Your heating and cooling equipment is getting old." (if that is the only thing being discussed)
"Your heating equipment and your cooling equipment are getting old."
"Your heating and cooling equipment are getting old" (but your other equipment is not. As in "Your basketball, football, and tennis equipment are getting old, but your golf, bowling, and hockey equipment are not.")

Comments, dissenting opinions?

SOMETHING I LEARNED TODAY, II

(the amount of time elapsed between "Something I Learned Today" posts should not be taken to mean I have learned nothing else during that span. Although that may be true.)

Today I learned, via NPR, that Abraham Flexner was an educator who did a great deal to reform higher education in this country. He was especially influential in reforming medical education. This is the 100th anniversary of his "Flexner Report"- hence the NPR story.

He was a Louisvillian, which explains the street named after him. I'd always assumed Abraham Flexner Way was named after a big donor to U of L.

So how come there's no enormous sign on a building with "Abe's Louisville" on it?

According to Wikipedia he is buried at Cave Hill Cemetery.
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I also finished "A Brief History of Time" today. I'm not sure how much of it penetrated my skull, so I'm not sure any of it qualifies as something I learned today. String theory? I can hardly even keep my shoes tied.

As I listened to the news at the top of each hour today, I wondered about the future trial of the underwear bomber. I mean, a 'not guilty' plea seems pretty hard to maintain in this case.

Mr. Mutallab, do you still maintain your innocence?
Yes, sir.
You have no idea how the explosive material got in your underpants?
No, sir.
When you dressed on the morning of December 25th, did you don the underpants yourself, or did someone put them on for you?
I put them on myself.
Did anyone ask you to carry anything in your underpants?
No, sir.
Did you leave your underpants unattended at any point after you put them on?
No, sir. Oh, wait, yes, yes I did. Someone might have tampered with them at the Starbuck's in the Amsterdam airport.
How?
Well, I took my underpants off for awhile while I drank my coffee and read the paper, you know?
I see. And did you notice anything unusual while you were sans underpants?
Yeah, these little guys were running around, singing a song, but I didn't think anything about it at the time.
We want underpants today, all day
Search for underpants, today
We won't stop until we have underpants
Yum yum yummy yum yay
Time to go to work, work all day
Search for underpants today

Doh!

On New Year's Eve, this Warwickshire County, England statue of Lord John Scott received a remodeling from pranksters. At least he wasn't beheaded.

One night last week I was kept awake by the noise of my neighbor's wind chimes. They were really loud. Finally, about 3 a.m., I went outside and filled the chimes with shredded paper towels. Worked like a charm.

Last night I dreamt I was being kept awake by the wind chimes. Is there anything weirder than dreaming you can't sleep?
Anyway, in the dream I went outside to do the paper towel thing again and was surprised to discover two feet of snow on the ground. It was vivid enough that this morning when I awoke I was surprised there was no snow.
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I am now on Facebook. I promise to check it at least once every three weeks.
I have lots and lots of friends already. I must be really cool. But why do they all want me to help their deposed Nigerian uncles?
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I am winning the football bowl contest at work. Good for me.
I have a substantial lead. I don't know all the possible scenarios or what it would take for me to lose, but I think I'll probably win. It isn't a lot of money but it beats losing, and bragging rights are priceless.

1st of the New Year, So First of What I Intend To Be A Regular Feature: "Something I Learned Today"

For a guy who thinks he knows everything, there sure are a lot of things I don't know.

Tonight, for instance, I watched the coin toss at the start of the Sugar Bowl and the big celebrity who tossed the coin was was Dennis Haysbert. I recognized him as the spokesman on the All State commercials and as the U.S. president on the series "24," but when the announcers mentioned the movie "Major League" I realized he played Pedro Cerrano.

How did I not realize that before?

"Jesus, I like him very much. But he no help with curve ball."

Thus ends installment #1 of "Something I Learned Today"
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Something I do know: I'm sick and tired of hearing football announcers second-guess personal foul penalties. I've lost track of the number of times I've heard them say, after seeing some relatively mild pushing or shoving on the field, "I don't know about that one. I think maybe the official should have let that one go."

How do they know? How do they know what was said? Maybe nobody threw a punch, but I believe officials are quite justified to throw flags as a result of dialogue between the players, not just physical contact.