The Dealers

I saw them on my way in to Kroger. They were scary- all three were dressed alike in oversized sweatshirts and plaid skirts, with sweatpants under the skirts. Immediately I thought ‘gang.’
Living in the city has trained me to handle such situations. I kept my eyes straight ahead, looking neither at them nor away, and went straight into the store. The weather was chillier than expected and I was unprepared, so when I got close to the shady characters I just sped past as if I was cold and in a hurry to get inside.
I did my grocery shopping in peace. The store was bright and cheery, and I guess all that food just lulled me into a false sense of security. Honestly, by the time I left I had forgotten they were there.

So I left the store, blissfully unaware of the danger that awaited me, and ran right into the fiercest of the gang members. She was 4’8’’ if she was a foot. I froze.

“Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?” she asked.

I hemmed and hawed, looking for an exit, but her two accomplices were there, waiting. I was out-numbered.

“Nah, man,” I said, trying unconvincingly to impose some street cred in my innocent voice. “I’m trying to keep my nose clean this year, you know?”

She was smooth. “You sure?” she asked. “You look like you could use a pick-me-up. I’ve got some Daisy Go Rounds that’ll fix you up real nice.”

No thanks, I told her. I really had to be running.

Her friend then offered me something called a Tagalong, which she said was great for Friday nights. I guess it must be some sort of amphetamine.

I refused. Then in a squeaky, intimidating voice she said, “Too strong for you? C’mon, then, how 'bout some Thin Mints? They’re pure, I swear. It’s the good stuff.”

I didn’t see any way out, and I didn’t have much cash on me. I looked around for someone, anyone, to help. The security guard was there, not twenty feet away. But he glanced around and looked right through me.
I don’t blame him. He’s not trained for this, and I guess they don't pay him enough to deal with cookie fiends. Where’s a real cop when you need one?

Finally, seeing no other alternative, I let the short one sell me some designer cookies called Samoans.

What little I bought cleaned me out, and I was getting desperate to escape. I backed away, resisting the urge to run. “No really, I would, but that’s all the money I’ve got,” I said, as they tried to induce me to buy something harder.

I got to my car and sped away. The whole incident cost me a few bucks, but I got away with my life. I count myself lucky.

Now, though, I have to find a new Kroger. The dealers told me next time they’d get me some Do-Si-Dos that would make my head spin, so I’m afraid to go back.

and another thing...

I'm still incredibly frustrated with the 'no zone' coaching.

The NBA actually banned zones from year one because they wanted high scoring, and zones kept players from driving so easily.

So Billy Clyde, if in every one of your losses your opponent has gotten into the lane easily and scored on layups or dished out for wide open threes, why not adjust and play a danged zone!
***********************Post-game add-on*****************
sheesh.
I really am not going to pass any permanent judgements on the coach. Yet. As I said a few days ago, I won't be at all surprised if he ends up staying a long time and being very successful. I do believe he'll get stocked up on five-star talent and win tons of games.
But a rigid game-plan, the all man-to-man defense, weird substitution patterns, a penchant for a 'lead' guard rather than a point, all suggest to me that his teams will always be vulnerable to some very crappy games.
With a talent level like now, that means some losses to bad teams and blow-outs from good teams. With better talent in the future, that will mean some surprising (to national media) losses to 12-14 seeds in the tournament.

"The moons of Saturn got in my eyes"

First football, now basketball. This is frustrating.

UK's football team had more talent and depth than they'd had in 30 years. But they had no idea how to throw and catch a ball. No QB and no receivers pretty much negated all the other positions.

Now I get to spend the year watching a baketball team that has size and quickness, and shooting ability but, again, nobody who can throw or catch.

I hope they've studied Lucy Van Pelt's excuses for missing fly balls. "The moons of Saturn got in my eyes," is a good one. So is "I think there were toxic substances coming from my glove, and they made me dizzy."

Actually, I think the basketball team's problems lie more in the direction of errant throws than missed catches. But still, the quotes are funny.


"Did you see that fly ball? I don't want to be out there alone when it comes down."
"When the sun reflects off the bright yellow dandelions, I can't see the ball. "
"I missed it, but the ground caught it! Nice catch, ground! You're doing a good job!"
"I thought I had it, then I remember all those other balls I missed. The past got in my eyes."

I'm not sure which is worse, watching Michael Porter try to protect the ball against a quick opponent or watching Liggins float passes off into the ether.

A day of celebration

Crowds across the U.S. today are celebrating the birthday of Abe Vigoda (shown above in this historic photograph, taken just before his State of the 12th Precint address of 1976).

New York City was the focal point of the day's festivities.
In a speech at Queens College, President Obama paid homage to the actor/humanitarian, saying "(Vigoda's) perpetual old age is a shining example of the new America."
Throngs of spectators poured in to hear the president's speech. Traffic in Queens was tied up for hours. The crowd was later estimated as somewhere between 12 and a million people.


At noon today, the Pope of Greenwich Village said a special mass in honor of Vigoda. Afterwards he remarked that Vigoda's service to the Greenwich Village community will never be forgotten.

Vigoda could not be reached for comment. A spokesperson for the actor said "Mr. Vigoda isn't feeling quite regular today so he felt he should stay home."

Sal Tessio still doesn't sleep with the fishes

Despite poll results to the contrary, Abe Vigoda turns 88 today. Happy birthday, Fish.

Good win

I think the season was very nearly on the line, and the Cats came through with possibly their best game of the year.
UK played great for several long stretches. The KYsportsradio bloggers seemed a little disappointed that the team forgot about Meeks and didn't set enough picks and screens for him, but I didn't agree at all. Meeks was just covered tightly. The rest of the team did look for him, but they also looked confident running the offense when he wasn't open. First time all year for that.
Plus Perry Stevenson led a (Big)Bird-like fast break, and Bruce Pearl, a.k.a "Sweaty McManboobs" suffered another beat-down from Gillispie. Nice.

oh, and

Since I blamed him for the poor play so far this year, it is only fair that I give credit to the coach. Post-game comments from Miller and Porter indicate that Gillispie went out of his way to try and restore their offensive confidence. I think it paid off.

After posting the the excerpt from Arkansas' on Brian's comments section, I decided to go one step further- since I'm just sitting here watching television, anyway.

Arkansas:
Constitution Of The State Of Arkansas, Article 19. Miscellaneous Provisions: 1. Atheists disqualified from holding office or testifying as witness. No person who denies the being of a God shall hold any office in the civil departments of this State, nor be competent to testify as a witness in any Court.

Maryland:
Maryland's Declaration of Rights, Article 36
"That as it is the duty of every man to worship God in such manner as he thinks most acceptable to Him, all persons are equally entitled to protection in their religious liberty; ... provided, he believes in the existence of God, and that under His dispensation such person will be held morally accountable for his acts, and be rewarded or punished therefore either in this world or in the world to come."

Mississippi State Constitution. Article 14 ("General Provisions"), Section 265
No person who denies the existence of a Supreme Being shall hold any office in this state.

North Carolina's State Constitution, Article 6 Section 8
"Disqualifications of office. The following persons shall be disqualified for office: First, any person who shall deny the being of Almighty God."

South Carolina's State Constitution, Article 4 Section 2
"No person shall be eligible to the office of Governor who denies the existence of the Supreme Being; ..."

Tennessee's State Constitution, Article 9 Section 2
"No person who denies the being of God, or a future state of rewards and punishments, shall hold any office in the civil department of this state."

Texas' State Constitution, Article 1 Section 4
"No religious test shall ever be required as a qualification to any office, or public trust, in this State; nor shall any one be excluded from holding office on account of his religious sentiments, provided he acknowledge the existence of a Supreme Being."

The first two items on my very early Christmas list...

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance - Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem! (Paperback)
by Jane Austen (Author), Seth Grahame-Smith (Author)


and from The Guardian...

Pride and Predator to give Jane Austen an extreme makeoverThe new film from Elton John's Rocket Pictures will have the seven-foot extraterrestrial give the characters from Pride and Prejudice something more immediate to worry about than making advantageous marriages

"

Basketball

Brian is 100% right about Jodie Meeks. It's amazing the way he can score.

But so far, when I watch Gillispie's teams play I feel a little like I'm trying to read Finnegan's Wake. It's fascinating in an indefinable way, but I have absolutely no clue what's going on and I'm not sure the authors of the mess know what's going on, either.

I still hear people say it's Tubby's fault and it takes time to rebuild. But this team has more talent than any other in the SEC, and by today's NCAA standards they aren't all that young.

Meeks and Patterson are as good or better than any duo in the country. Galloway is a talented junior, and if Gillispie feels he can't contribute he shouldn't have signed him. Miller's darned good but doesn't see the court much. By reputation he's a good shooter and exceptional scorer, but Gillispie seems to have gotten into his head and made Miller terrified to shoot the ball.
The next 5 guys might not be great, but they certainly seem talented enough to support that 4 player core.
The losses to UNC and Louisville can definitely be blamed on being out-talented. I have no problem with that. But as far as I can tell, Kentucky has had more talent than everyone else they've played, but they have quite a few losses.

So since they're struggling I have to blame the coach. It's not like I want him fired or anything. He might be fine. I'm completely undecided. He might be at UK for 20 years and win 5 championships. But this year I see no obvious reason not to conclude that Gillispie is mostly to blame for the lousy play.

One last item. I agree that man-to-man is the best defense. I don't like zones. But there is a reason zones are used so much. They often work. Last night, with Patterson out and Vandy killing Kentucky inside, a 2-3 zone would have won the game.

Special Announcement

It has now been conclusively determined that the 'fireball' in the sky over Austin, TX, as well as the occurrences in eastern Kentucky, were actually the final precursors to the End of Days.

Jefferson County schools will thus be operating on a two-hour delay tomorrow. Students are instructed to wait quietly at home for the Rapture. Any students not called to Heaven by 10 a.m. should proceed to school.

When asked, a government official speculated that Archdiocese of Louisville Catholic schools will probably be open as usual with no delay "because papists are all going to hell anyway."

What's all the fuss about?

Abridged Wikipedia entry:

Numerous early Christian martyrs were named Valentine. The Valentines honored on February 14 are Valentine of Rome and Valentine of Terni.

Valentine of Rome was a priest in Rome who suffered martyrdom about AD 269.

Valentine of Terni became bishop of Interamna about AD 197 and is said to have been killed during the persecution of Emperor Aurelian.

The Catholic Encyclopedia also speaks of a third saint named Valentine who was mentioned in early martyrologies under date of February 14. He was martyred in Africa with a number of companions, but nothing more is known about him.

No romantic elements are present in the original early medieval biographies of either of these martyrs.

So I'm left thinking I'd really like to meet the sicko who said "You know what? The date set aside to honor these murdered priests would be a GREAT day to exchange tacky cards, buy expensive dinners and flowers and chocolates, and have sex!"

Apparently, the Western tradition of St. Valentine's Day as a romantic holiday began back in the Middle Ages, but the cause is obscure. The link to Greek and Roman fertility celebrations seems pretty fuzzy.

I think it actually started because some dude back in the 14th century was trying to score, and his girlfriend wasn't in the mood. In fact, Chaucer was there to document the start of the tradition.
Here's how Geoffrey says it happened:

Man: Me thinketh it meeyt were we wouynd as one foreth a brief intyrvul. What sayeth thee, maiden?
Woman: Nay, faer Sir. Thou art a good Knight, but to lye with thee wouldst make no good night.
Man: Forsooth! Thy beauty is greate, and my need is greater stille. Please lyeth with me.
Woman: Thou art peristent, in truth. Ful often time thou hitteth upon my poor personage. Ek hadde eno.
Man: But it muste be don for, ummmm...tis the Feast of St. Valentinus!
Woman: Were we laide in presse thou wouldest embrondle me as a good hors.
Man: Huh?
Woman: Embrondle me as a good hors.
Man: Oh. I doth confess I fyrst thought thee sayeth something else.
Woman: What havest Valentinus to do with aught, anyeway?
Man: Knowest thee not of Valentinus, the famos patron of lovers? Haddest he a vison; verily he was commanded by Gabriel to promot free love.
Woman: Bullshitteth.
Man: Verily tis tru we must. Tis the will of the Lord that on this day we laboure ony betwixt sheet and bord.
Woman: Okay. But buyeth me anoth drynke fyrst.

My preliminary NCAA prognostications

Thanks to the smack-down from Notre Dame last night, Louisville is now the third top 10 team I have eliminated from the Final Four. They join Wake Forest and Duke.

My hard-and-fast rule, to which I've adhered religiously for, umm, the last 3 or 4 hours, is that any team that loses by 30 points in February or later will not make the Final Four. I have absolutely no research to back me up, but I can't see a long tournament run for any team capable of being flattened like that.

While watching the game this Homer Simpson quote kept going through my mind: "No, I do not know what Schadenfreude is. Please tell me, because I'm dying to know!"

I didn't see much of the 2nd half, though, because I refuse to miss My Name Is Earl. Good thing, too, because that little dog running into the pole was the funniest thing I've seen in a long, long time. I'm about to watch it again on NBC.com.

Brian Beat Me To It Again

He even beat me to the alliterative title.
Happy Bicentennial Birthday to the Brilliant Bearded Boys of 1809!

I find it interesting that Lincoln, who was quite controversial in his day, is now so completely revered, while Darwin has seemed to become more and more controversial over time.
Of course, as I was reminded by a Fresh Air segment last week, Darwin is basically just controversial in the U.S. and Turkey. The rest of the world doesn't have much of a problem with him.

I'm fascinated by how some people become lionized over time. I always wonder how it happens. For instance, how come such a large segment of the U.S. population detests Carter as a weak president who couldn't free hostages, but worships Reagan, who exchanged WMD for hostages- so that the terrorists could then just replace them with new hostages and get more WMD from the U.S., all to advance an illegally-financed war. Throwing in the drug dealing was a nice touch, too.

I guess that almost qualifies as an off-topic rant. Sorry. Reagan-worshippers frustrate me like Creationists do Brian.

But I'm still fascinated by the process. I admire Lincoln quite a lot, but I'm fascinated by how much his reputation has passed into myth, and by how quickly it seems to have happened. And- back to Reagan-I guess I'm depressed because it seems to me the process is happening undeservedly to our 40th president.

I also spent some time today trying to imagine how differently things would have turned out if the Union had not been held together. I kept coming back to the likelihood of further fractures, and of something resembling eastern Europe. Quite a mess.

As for Darwin: I muddled through The Origin of Species a few years ago. Quite a lot interested me, quite a lot that bored me, annd the rest I couldn't understand. I found nothing in it that would cause me to rant from a pulpit.

non-sports:
Hmmmm... it occurred to me that what bothered me most about that kidnapping story is that the 'resolution' is quite a good analogy for what I hate most about our two-party political system.

There were only two choices presented, A and B. When A was proven wrong, B was immediately accepted as correct.

That happens all the time in politics, and it drives me nuts. We are given A or B only, when it seems to me the possible correct answers are actually
A
B
A and B
A, B, and Other
A and Other
B and Other
Other

Then again, when I consider the mess in Israel two parties doesn't seem so bad.

sports:
I'm one of the Big Blue minority who harbored no ill-will toward Rick Pitino for going to Louisville.
Lately, though, he's really getting on my nerves.
First he says he'd have kicked Liggins off his team for refusing to enter a game. That's pretty big talk after the Derreck Caracter saga.
Now he's ridiculing the SEC as not as tough as the Big East, since SEC refs ejected a Florida player for 'accidentally' stepping on Perry Stevens. Ricky must not have been watching the same replays I was... or perhaps he and Patty Swope were otherwise engaged so he only had one eye on the television.

Everydayshouldbesaturday.com has a post regarding the football Cardinals' (Rutgers just scored again) coaching carousel.

The first sentence is the best:
"Steve Kragthorpe thinks he’s got the solution for what’s ailing the Louisville football program, and it’s as simple as two sweet words: more Kragthorpe."

Another food post

I just made the BEST alfredo sauce ever!

Maybe not, I guess, but it was pretty darned good. I used Romano cheese as opposed to my usual Parmesan. Romano is nicely salty and I think it melts better. I also threw in some cracked red pepper, which I don't usually do. That gave it a nice kick.

Over pasta, spinach, and chicken, it was a delicious meal.

And I wonder why I can't lose weight.

Plus, I had my teeth cleaned today. Nothing gets rid of that clean-teeth feel faster than cheese sauce and spinach.

"I like my dental hygienist. I think she's very pretty. So when I'm waiting in her office I eat an entire bag of Oreo cookies. Sometimes she has to cancel all her other appointments." -Steven Wright

"This American Life" story has been bugging me.

Saturday's "This American Life" featured the story of a boy who disappeared in 1912.

The 'end' of the story has bugged me tremendously. I've tried to do some research surfing, but it hasn't helped.

Here are the main points of the story, culled from Wikipedia.
*Bobby Dunbar was a 4 year old child who disappeared in 1912. After 8 months investigators believed that they had found the child. Lessie and Percy Dunbar identified the boy as their son, Bobby Dunbar, though press accounts differed on how sure they really were.
*At the same time, a woman named Julia Anderson was claiming that the boy was not Bobby Dunbar, but was in fact her own son, Charlie Bruce Anderson. A court turned down her claim, awarding custody to the Dunbars.
*The man raised as Bobby Dunbar eventually had children of his own, and died in 1966.
*In 2004 DNA tests on one of his children and a Dunbar 'cousin' proved that they were not related by blood.

So that was that, supposedly. The surviving Anderson family claimed him as kin, said Julia Anderson was vindicated, and embraced Bobby's granddaughter as family.

It seems to me that there are two other possibilities, and what really bothers me is that the people involved apparently didn't bother to check into them
1) They don't seem to feel the need to match the DNA to Anderson's family. If I'd believed for nearly a century that I was a member of one family and then found out I was wrong, I would feel compelled to take that last step.
Apparently, both 'mothers' had some doubt. That blows my mind. Also, even if the moms weren't sure, it seems to me that a 4 or 5 year old boy could have definitively identified his mother even after an 8 month absence. The fact that there was some dispute and lingering doubt would lead me to guess that there's at least a chance that he was not a Dunbar or an Anderson.

2)The DNA test they did conduct was of Bobby Dunbar's son and a grandson of Lessie and Percy Dunbar through their other son (Bobby's supposed brother). I don't think I could just skip over the possibility of spousal infidelity playing a role in the lack of a match.

The loopholes and the lack of curiosity on the part of either family dumbfound me. They are responsible for me wasting 35 minutes looking them up on the net, and also for the approximately 4 instances throughout the last 2 days that I've stopped and pondered their situation and tried to figure out why, after going to the trouble of doing the test once, they would feel no need to dig just a little deeper.

I therefore will be contacting the Dunbar and Anderson families to seek restitution for my mental duress.

Best pizza in the universe

It's been a lousy week. I was sick a couple of days, work is dreadful, and I have to work tomorrow, too. The ice is getting on my nerves. UK's basketball team is not doing much to vicariously ease my suffering.

So when I left work today I called Impellizeri's for a carryout pizza. I figured it was guaranteed to lift my spirits. And empty my wallet, and bloat my belly, but still...

I just finished eating (for now) and checked the blogs, and decided the pizza is worth a post. I hadn't had it in a few years and I'd forgotten.

There's definitely no mystery as to why Impellizeri's has been so successful. Even with the astronomical prices, I'm always satisfied. There's no contest as far as taste, nothing else in town even comes close. And my small pizza and breadsticks might have cost a lot, but I'll be eating it all the way through Sunday night and enjoying every bit.

I sat at the bar and had a beer (which also helped brighten the week) while waiting for my order. While waiting I chatted with Benny Impellizeri and he was, as usual, as nice as could be. I think it's always a good sign when the proprietor genuinely likes being there and likes knowing his patrons enjoy it.

Also, he said they aren't too crowded for the weeknight baskteball games, so I'm going to nominate Impellizeri's as a game-viewing location soon, Brian. Not too soon, though, because I have enough leftovers now to be stuffed for awhile.

I guess that's it. I have to end the post because I think I've decided I might have room for one more slice.