Numerous early Christian martyrs were named Valentine. The Valentines honored on February 14 are Valentine of Rome and Valentine of Terni.
Valentine of Rome was a priest in Rome who suffered martyrdom about AD 269.
Valentine of Terni became bishop of Interamna about AD 197 and is said to have been killed during the persecution of Emperor Aurelian.
The Catholic Encyclopedia also speaks of a third saint named Valentine who was mentioned in early martyrologies under date of February 14. He was martyred in Africa with a number of companions, but nothing more is known about him.
No romantic elements are present in the original early medieval biographies of either of these martyrs.
So I'm left thinking I'd really like to meet the sicko who said "You know what? The date set aside to honor these murdered priests would be a GREAT day to exchange tacky cards, buy expensive dinners and flowers and chocolates, and have sex!"
Apparently, the Western tradition of St. Valentine's Day as a romantic holiday began back in the Middle Ages, but the cause is obscure. The link to Greek and Roman fertility celebrations seems pretty fuzzy.
I think it actually started because some dude back in the 14th century was trying to score, and his girlfriend wasn't in the mood. In fact, Chaucer was there to document the start of the tradition.
Here's how Geoffrey says it happened:
Man: Me thinketh it meeyt were we wouynd as one foreth a brief intyrvul. What sayeth thee, maiden?
Woman: Nay, faer Sir. Thou art a good Knight, but to lye with thee wouldst make no good night.
Man: Forsooth! Thy beauty is greate, and my need is greater stille. Please lyeth with me.
Woman: Thou art peristent, in truth. Ful often time thou hitteth upon my poor personage. Ek hadde eno.
Man: But it muste be don for, ummmm...tis the Feast of St. Valentinus!
Woman: Were we laide in presse thou wouldest embrondle me as a good hors.
Man: Huh?
Woman: Embrondle me as a good hors.
Man: Oh. I doth confess I fyrst thought thee sayeth something else.
Woman: What havest Valentinus to do with aught, anyeway?
Man: Knowest thee not of Valentinus, the famos patron of lovers? Haddest he a vison; verily he was commanded by Gabriel to promot free love.
Woman: Bullshitteth.
Man: Verily tis tru we must. Tis the will of the Lord that on this day we laboure ony betwixt sheet and bord.
Woman: Okay. But buyeth me anoth drynke fyrst.
3 comments:
Thou dost make merry of a most lucrative merchant Holiday.
Thy shootteth milk outteth thy nostril upon reading "Bullshitteth."
I doth laugh aloud upon reading thisith.
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