Alabama fan forums

'Bama week, so I thought I'd snoop around some Alabama fan forums.
First, I can report that the average poster on the Tidefan "predict the score" thread seems to think Alabama will win by about 42-14. Unless you include the guy who said 462-0, which skews the point spread a little higher.

Second, they have a really cool look-alike thread. Very funny. Here were my favorites:

Rich Brooks, Al Bundy

Mike Hartline, G.I. Jane

Dickie Lyons Jr., Ellen Degeneres

Tony Dixon and the Crabman

Will Fidler, Beeker

Coach Gump's press conference

Alabama coach Forrest Gump held a press conference today. Some of the highlights:

Coach: Hello. My name's Forrest, Forrest Gump. People call me Forrest Gump.

Q: Do you enjoy being the highest-paid coach in the nation?
Coach: Yes, sir. We've got more money than Davy Crockett.

Q: Your contract negotiations with the athletic director allegedly took place before last season was even over. Is this true?
Coach: I got a call from him saying we don't have to worry about money no more and I said, "That's good. One less thing".

Q: Is it true that in order to afford to pay you, the university had to lay off all the groundskeepers?
Coach: 'Cause I was gazillionaire and I liked doing it so much, I cut that grass for free.


Q: Coach Gump, your offense has done a good job avoiding penalties this season. Why do you think that is?
Coach: Stupid is as stupid does.

Q: Can you elaborate?
Coach: That's all I have to say about that.

Q: You've said you had to build this team from scratch. Were there any talented players here before you took over?
Coach: There was Dallas, from Phoenix. Cleveland, he was from Detroit. And Tex was, well, I don't remember where Tex come from.

Q: Prior to your victory at Georgia there seemed to be some acrimony between yourself and Coach Richt, especially concerning the black-out Georgia had planned. When you shook Coach Richt's hand following the game, did you say anything special to him?
Coach: Sorry I had a fight in the middle of your Black Panther party.

Q: What do you think of the Georgia fans who threw beer on the reporters from Alabama?
Coach: Sometimes I guess there just aren't enough rocks.

Q: That was a huge win. How did your fans celebrate?
Coach: They'd all dress up in their robes and their bedsheets and act like a bunch of ghosts or spooks or something. They'd even put bedsheets on their horses and ride around.

Q: What's your best memory of winning the national championship?
Coach: You get to meet the President of the United States. Now, the real good thing about meeting the President of the United States is the food. They put you in this little room with just about anything you'd want to eat or drink. And, since number one; I wasn't hungry, but thirsty. And number two; they was free. I must o' drank me about fifteen Dr Peppers.

Q: So far, Coach, you've done a fine job of rebuilding here at Alabama. But you've been known to bounce from job to job. In fact you've been accused of a lack of loyalty- of always chasing a bigger paycheck. Any comments?
Coach: When I got tired, I slept. When I got hungry, I ate. When I had to go, you know, I went.

Q: Didn't you feel any loyalty at all to the players in your former program?
Coach: I just felt like running.

Q: Alabama's a 17-point favorite against Kentucky Saturday. Are you worried about a let-down?
Coach: Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get.

Q: Coach, how do you feel about-
Coach: I'm pretty tired... I think I'll go home now.

Dragons!

I have in my possession a curious map. It is an old parchment of unknown origin, but renders quite accurately the neighborhood of my home, which abuts Seneca Gardens. The map is well-marked, and highly detailed, excepting a singularly darkened area labeled "Bowman's Fielde." Upon this plot of land there is nothing. The cartographer has left a great space, and written only "here be dragons." I've oft pondered the message, but until yesterday dismissed it as nothing more than local superstition.


Until last night. Just past dusk, I was returning home from my evening constitutional when I espied in the distance a fearful light. Verily, the fires of Hell seemed loosed by Lucifer himself. I hastened home and bolted the door against the terror of the night.

Some time later, after a strong drink to settle my nerves, I chanced a peek out my window. A great many of my neighbors, braver than I, were streaming toward the dragons- if dragons they were. I longed for the fortitude to join them, brave souls all, but my spirit quailed at the thought.

Shortly thereafter the battle commenced. It was a fearful commotion. Tremendous explosions rent the air, and dragon fire lit the sky with a ghastly glow. Each burst of dragon fire was answered immediately by a volley of the cannons, but eventually the townsfolk were bested. After one last great effort, a particularly intense final barrage, countered terribly by the fire-breathers, the brave warriors dispersed. Thankfully, it was an orderly retreat.



This morning I chanced a short venture out of doors. There was no sign of the dragons. I was of course elated, but did not venture far, as I could not help but wonder mightily what had become of the beasts.

Alas, the answer was soon to come. Upon my return I breakfasted heartily, but my meal was interrupted by a dreadful noise. To my wary ears it sounded like a dragon drawing breath. I shook off these thoughts, attributing them to my advanced nervousness.

But the noise came again. And again. Dragons! What's more, they seemed to be flying directly over my home. I shamefully admit that all courage left me. I ran and hid under the bed.

I eventually mastered my fears; I knew I must document the invasion, must show the world. I don't know of what dreadful deeds these monsters are capable, but perhaps my photographic evidence will help others, more fortunate than I, to learn of some weakness which will enable mankind to fend off these marauding creatures.

I took up my camera, obtained a safe vantage point, and photographed the beasts.

It turns out dragons don't look at all like I thought- I always thought they were supposed to be kind of lizardy, like big flying iguanas. But it turns out they're sort of roundish. Like lightbulbs.

Economy Rant, Part II.

Again I'm watching football (Sorry, Cardinals. Better luck next time.), and again I'll pass the time ranting. But it's a very short rant. It's more of an exclamation, really.

How likely is it that this $700 billion bailout will end up costing much, much more than that? I've heard a few politicians say it might not end up being that much. But what's the likelihood of that? How often, exactly, does the government spend less than they said they needed in the first place? And how often do they end up spending more than they said they needed?

On a lighter note, Everydayshouldbesaturdaycom has a new post that is one of the most sophomorically funny blog posts I've ever seen. It was quite good- you'll like it if your sense of humor is anywhere near as juvenile as mine. As I'm trying to keep my PG rating, I won't post samples, but I'll just say it's a collection of possible headlines regarding last night's game between the USC Trojans and the Oregon State Beavers.

Thoughts on the Collapse of Western Civilization

I don't actually think that's true. Western Civilization collapsed 40 years ago. But it's no big deal. Nobody noticed.

I'm actually just passing time while I stay up to late watching a suprisingly close USC-OSU football game. No, not that OSU. Sorry, Buckeyes, you already had your chance. But Oregon State is giving USC a heck of a game.

I won't see it end, though. I'm too sleepy. I do, however, have 5 minutes or so to spare. That should be enough to diagnose some economic woes.

The chutzpah of the Bush administration continually amazes me. Administration officials have spent two solid years saying the economy is fine. There might be some minor difficulties, some corrections, some struggles, they say, but the fundamentals are fine. They were still saying this two weeks ago. Then they suddenly need $700 billion. And they need it right away, no time for arguments. Just trust them.

Excuse me, but even if they had done something to earn my trust over the last 8 years, I'd still hesitate to fork over that kind of cash. And I'm sure as heck not eager to do it for someone who at this time last month still didn't seem to recognize there was a problem.

I did some math on that 7 hundred gabizillionjillion dollars. That's a commitment of well over $2,000 per person in this country. Nearly $10 thousand if you're a family of 4. I don't know a heck of a lot about economics, but I feel fairly confident that if I had a wife and two kids, and the president was telling me directly that my choice was to either use that $10,000 as I saw fit, or I could use it to bail out some big corporations with tax havens God-knows-where, I would not hesitate to tell him those corporations could go take a flying leap. I'd take my chances keeping the 10 grand in my own pocket.

Ryder Cup

My professional Ryder Cup review:

The crab cakes were quite tasty.
The shrimp salad was okay.
The ham sandwiches and turkey sandwiches were solid.
The mushrooms were okay.
The cucumber and vidalia onion mix was fantastic.
The fried chicken was mediocre.
The potato salad was subpar.
The cheesecake was suprisingly good.
The canned Amstel Light was terrible.
The Budweiser was fine.
The margaritas were terrific.

Did I forget anything?

Oh yeah. Golf. It was neat, too I guess.

Okay, I was spoiled by our passes to the Barclays hospitality tent (thanks again, Jim! I always knew you were good for something) but we did go out and watch some golf. And it was great, actually. I'm thrilled to have had the opportunity to see a Ryder Cup in person. But there's no point in reviewing the golf because if you watched it on t.v. you saw it better than I did, and if you didn't watch in on t.v. then you probably don't care.

Or you don't have electricity.

The only golf-related thing I'll mention is this, because it was really cool. Late this afternoon we returned to the tent for drinks and then watched a few groups from the hill overlooking the 17th tee and 16th green. So we watch Furyk tee off on 17 but couldn't really see any action on the green. But when he clinched a U.S. victory on that hole the crowd roar was absolutely deafening.

I've always thought crowd reactions on golf courses were neat because of how the cheers (or groans) spread by chain-reaction, but this particular roar was different-much louder and more sustained and without any pauses. Neato.

Haircut

My barbershop is closed. Neither the National Guardswoman directing traffic nor the man sitting on his stoop and using a Zippo lighter to grill a cheese sandwich could tell me why.

So I went elsewhere.

The short play that follows is a re-enactment of my "Great Clips experience."


Barber: (as she wraps me in the protective cloth) So how would you like it cut today, hon?

Me: Just shorten it up some. Pretty short around on the sides, leave a little more on top- it stands up on top if you cut it too short.

Barber: (nodding and picking up a razor, she begins cutting above my right ear) Have you still got your power, hon?

Me: (GASP!)

Barber: Is that too short?

Me: Welllll…

(We stare at each other, me with a look of shock and her looking nonplussed, holding clippers in one hand and shears in the other)

Me: (after a long pause) Go ahead. It’s not like you can put it back.


I'm not saying who I look like, but I feel a strange urge to steal a pie from a window sill.

It's the thought that counts

Here is the wording of an email that everyone in my company received at 4:41 Monday afternoon. I changed only enough to remove a reference to the company name.

"Due to Sunday's wind storm and the widespread loss of electricity, it has been decided that "Casual Friday" attire will be permissible for the remainder of the week. However, due to client visits, normal dress will be required on Tuesday and Wednesday."

Y(Ike)s!

My drive to work this morning was completely in the dark-no street lights the entire way- so I didn't get a good look around. After work, though, I got off 264 at Poplar Level to go to the barbershop (they were closed) and circled over to Mom and Dad's and then through Cherokee Park back to home.
Two things impressed me.
The first was obviously the severity of the damage. I already had a good idea of it because of my two short trips through my own neighborhood yesterday, but the quantity of trees and branches strewn across streets, yards, and houses was amazing.
Also impressive is the speed with which everyone seems to be cleaning up. There are still plenty of unpassable streets, and quite a few downed trees that haven't been touched yet, but that's due to the sheer volume of the mess. This is one week when I'm definitely glad I'm not a homeowner.
I'm thinking maybe I should do some quick Ryder Cup-related advertising. All those people renting homes for $1000+ per night might be willing to pay me even more, since I have electricity.

Power outages

In the year I've lived here I've had 3 longish power outages- 1 of them lasted nearly three days. Each time, most everyone I know was surprised my power was out so long. They either had not lost power, or their electricity had been restored much more quickly than had mine.
Not this time. The entire neighborhood is dark. No street lights, no lights on in any of the surrounding homes. But I've got power.
IN YOUR FACE, SUCKERS!

Oops. I mean, I hope your electricity is restored in a timely manner, friends and neighbors, and if there is anything at all I can do to help, don't hesitate to ask.
Of course, if you don't have power you probably can't get on-line to see this offer.

more

It's pretty cool, except for the poor folks' who have trees on top of their houses and cars, and people who'd really like to have electricity.




I refrained from photographing most of the more spectacular damage, because there were invariably some upset people around-either working to clear debris or just gawking at their own misfortune. I did stop to help two ladies clear a road of some medium-sized branches so they could get their car out of the driveway, but mostly I was just gawking, too.



Why was I dumb enough to wander around in this mess? Two words: chigger bites. I really needed to get to Walgreens before the itching drove me crazy. I would have braved a category 5 just to get some clear nail polish.

A quick trip to Walgreens...

The drive from my home to Walgreens usually takes 2 minutes. Today, Taylorsville Rd. was blocked, many of the residential streets were blocked, and the meandering route I managed to pick through the neighborhood required much back-tracking, dodging of limbs, etc. If someone traced my path with little black dashes, it would look like a a Family Circus panel(You know, one of those hysterically funny ones with Jeffy roaming all over the neighborhood when he's supposed to just go to the mailbox. All 781 times Bil Keane has done that have been great!).




There's nothing like a peaceful Sunday drive. The gentle breeze whipping forcefully through the open windows and rocking the car from side to side, the sweet sound of chainsaws and sirens filling the air...

Inventions

Somebody really, really needs to invent an easier way to repair eyeglasses.

I just spent half an hour replacing a stripped screw. The time breakdown was as follows:

10 seconds to screw in a new screw.
5 minutes using my large, clumsy fingers to finesse the minute little screw into the minute little opening without dropping the screw.
24 minutes and 50 seconds looking around for the screw after each failed attempt, all the while wishing I had my glasses on so I could find the little screw.

I know, I know. I could have put my contact lenses in first. Where were you a half-hour ago when I needed that advice?

Secondly, something I've been meaning to write about for a few days. One morning not long ago, I awoke, stumbled into the bathroom, and got a drink of water. Then I grabbed my toothbrush, opened a new tube of toothpaste, and squeezed out some disgusting orange goop onto my brush.

Orange? I thought. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the toothpaste. Yes, it was orange. I examined the tube and found I had inadvertently bought citrus-flavored Crest.

It looked bad, and I didn't like the idea of it, but I was willing to give it a shot.

Yuck.

Yuck, yuck, yuck.

Citrus and toothpaste, as I could have guessed already, do not belong together. I would think that anyone who has ever brushed their teeth and then drunk orange juice would agree with me.

The worst part of it is, every evening I keep forgetting to stop for toothpaste, and every morning I keep having the same reaction. Crap! I forgot again. Luckily, the gritted-teeth expression I wear when I taste it is perfect for brushing!

Roonil Waslib and softball and book

1) I really enjoy the videos I've had up for a day or two. The top one's a song I'd wanted to hear for quite some time. It's originally by Draco and the Malfoys, but on all their youtube videos the lyrics were fairly garbled. Roonil's were pretty clear. I must be a nerd- I enjoy Harry Potter novelty songs.

The second video is from a fantastic Angel episode. I thought Angel was a good series, but not close to as good as Buffy. But the Smile Time! episode was A-1 entertainment. Evil puppets! How could it not be good?

As usual I arrived home after 11:00 but too wound up to sleep, so it's a good time for a post. So here's the quick softball recap:

2) We won 21-19. We're now 6 and 1 in the fall league, and thanks to close wins and a 15-run loss have only outscored our opponents by 5 runs overall (we checked).

I keep volunteering to come out of games, and keep nearly regretting it. One of our stated goals in the fall is to use this league to give playing time to guys who sit a lot in the summer, but since we're doing well we keep putting that goal on the back burner.

But I keep that goal in mind, and twice lately I've offered to leave the game when we had double-digit leads. We've won each game, but by 1 and 2 runs, respectively. And both times I've had no trouble imagining how my benching really hurt us.

I'll keep offering, though. Because I'm a superstar with a heart.

3) I'm reading Dan Brown's "Angels and Demons." As I suspected, it's one of those real page-turners that's going to leave no impression. It's suspenseful and I want to see how it turns out, so I'm reading it intensely. But I'll forget it all in a month or less.

It's a lot like an episode of Law and Order. And I now refuse to watch Law and Order, because when I watch a little I always want to watch the rest to see how it ends. In the end, though, I always think, "Okay. That was alright, I guess. But not that great, and I could have been in bed 20 minutes ago."

I

Game recap

Kentucky showed pretty much what I expected tonight, and pretty close to what I was hoping for-but not quite.

*The running game still disappoints me, but I think it's improving and will be solid.

*UK's defense really is quite good. Norfolk State was much smaller than Louisville, but their QB, a couple of receivers, and main running back were very fast. They were enough of a test to show me that UK's team speed on defense is much improved.

*Randall Cobb can be one heck of a quarterback. He screwed up some, but his game management was pretty good for a true freshman. He showed a good arm, nice touch, and great running ability.

*Scouting report on Beth's tailgating ability: she makes great sandwiches, parties strong early, and cheers enthusiastically, but her post-game celebrating needs work. Still, I'd think Coach Brian is pleased with her debut performance.

*Norfolk State has the most entertaining marching band I've ever seen.

Finally, one quote:
— “All the highlights on our pre-game tape were defense from the last game….well Myron’s run was 90% of the tape because it took so long.”- Dicky Lyons Jr.

Football

KY sports radio blog's very funny prediction for tomorrow: Myron Pryor will return the opening kickoff for a touchdown. The return will take 7 minutes, 20 seconds.

Gaelic Storm

Gaelic Storm is performing in Covington Wednesday night. I would love to go. I've long wished to see them in concert.

But as it's the middle of the week, 2 hours away, and I'm actually the only Gaelic Storm fan I know, I believe I'll be skipping it.

If anyone wishes to go, though, I suspect you'd be able to talk me into accompanying you.

Softball

I've neglected softball posts for a while. Sorry. I know my thousands (millions?) of loyal readers must be frustrated.

Cutting off my softball reports must have aggravated the heck out of you, like listening to John Rooney call a Redbirds game in the 1980's. You know..."Here's a long fly to deep right field, if it stays fair it's a home run- this game is brought to you by Armour Hot Dogs, the dogs kids love to bit. We thought we'd have some rain tonight, but so far it's been beautiful, and it hasn't kept the fans away, we have a really nice crowd out here. You know, the Iowa first baseman, Miguel Cruz is from Guatemala, as is our shortstop, but I don't know if they know each other... that ball was foul, by the way...."

So here is what you missed since my last softball post. I think.

Last Thursday we won 22-21. And why would I have posted about that last week? It's obviously a boring game. We simply trailed 8-0, then led 16-9, then trailed 21-17, then won with 5 runs in the bottom of the 7th. Boring, really.

We were off Tuesday- the schedule is odd because we're working around some other teams' problems- and played a doubleheader tonight.

1st game, we won 12-10. Very big win against the team that beat us 20-5 a couple of weeks ago. It was especially big because of a very unfunny practical joke they pulled on us last week. We owed those cocky s-o-b's, and we came through with a win.

2nd game we won 16 -12. Nothing exciting happened. One of my teammates, a hot dog (not Armour) who was run off a couple of years ago because he's a jerk but rejoined this year, acted like a total idiot, got people mad at him, and led me into a shouting match with three teammates. But again, boring stuff. Not worth mentioning, really.

Writing on a blog leads to some tough self-editorial work. At 11:20 or so I wrote a final paragraph that was angry and contained a few bad words. Here I am an hour later, realizing that I have family and friends who's good opinions I esteem, and who I would not wish to think poorly of me for losing my temper over a softball game, and I've deleted the last paragraph and rewritten this whole thing instead. And I'd really rather be sleeping. . Huh. Go figure. Suffice it to say I was quite irate.

Songs

I wrote a paragraph or two about the song "You Don't Have To Say You Love Me," before deciding that particular part of the post was no good. But next time you hear it, pay close attention to the lyrics. It sure expresses a bottom-of-the-barrel, zero-self-esteem view.

After hearing the song today, I also heard Elvis sing "Kentucky Rain." I was more attuned to the actual lyrics than usual, and I really found this to be a disturbing song.

I'd heard it dozens of times, maybe hundreds, and it never struck me before: "Kentucky Rain" could easily be the theme song to that Julia Roberts' movie "Sleeping With The Enemy." The whole song is apparently about some guy who's wife left him in a hurry, and how he's chasing her all over creation to get her back. Sounds like a battered wife to me.

It's a shame. I always thought it was a sweet little song until I paid attention.

Tax and spend vs. don't tax but still spend.

While never having researched the matter (until now), I have long held the opinion that Republicans have been more or less full of s _ _ t when it comes to taxation. They make a lot of noise about wanting to cut taxes, and in fact have been known to do so when given the opportunity. But they still spend money like drunken sailors.

I'm no expert, but that seems to me to be the very definition of 'passing the buck.'

I consulted the Congressional Budget Office (cbo.gov) and truthandpolitics.org to find out if I was right. And of course, (drumroll please) I was.

According to both these sources, federal spending was roughly 10% of GDP in 1940. WWII shot this percentage up to 45%, before it fell to the mid-teens during the Truman administration. The national debt also skyrocketed to 120% of GDP during WWII. Understandable.

Over a period of 22 years or so, federal spending meandered slowly up to around 20% of GDP. The national debt, meanwhile, fell slowly but consistently, through both Republican and Democratic administrations, to 35% of GDP at the beginning of the Reagan Administration

Fedral spending shot up to 25% in the early and mid-80’s before dipping slowly back. During the Clinton administration it fell from 23% in 1992 to 18% in 2000.

From 2001 to 2007 this percentage climbed to 20%.

When Clinton took over in 1992, the Debt was nearly 70%. Of GDP. When he left office in 2001 it was 58%.

Now, after 8 more years of a Republican Administration,, it is again 66%.

My point? Glad you asked. Republican presidents may (or may not) cut your taxes, but they spend just as much (or more) as anyone else. And money does not grow on trees. Okay, paper money sort of does, I guess…

If you vote Republican for lower taxes, they might deliver. But they still spend money like Popeye on payday, so you’re voting for more money in your pocket and less in your kids’ and grandkids’ pockets-if they can afford pockets.

I almost forgot to note the passing of Mel Ignatow.

Fireworks seem appropriate.

from kentuckysportsradio blog

Football and teen pregnancy

Sure, those topics belong together. What do you think teenagers do after the Friday night game?

First, the teen pregnancy. Sarah Palin is getting a lot of credit-both for her daughter getting knocked up and for the decision to keep and raise the baby.

I'm not sure she should get that much credit (or blame) for either. I wouldn't think she played a very big role in the fertilization process. But you never know.

And I would hope the decision to keep or not keep the baby was also her daughter's to make. But I have my doubts about that as well. And that scares me. I'll never know, it's none of my business, and there's no real reason to suspect it, but I wouldn't be at all surprised if the daughter had no desire to keep the baby or to get married, but is being pressured into both.
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On to football.

Since we discussed it, and Brian brought it up on his blog, I did some digging.

1) The last opponent to not score a touchdown against Kentucky was LSU on October 16, 1999. Kentucky won 31-5.

2) The last opponent who managed no offensive points against Kentucky was Vandy on November 16, 1996. Kentucky won 25-0. UK also shut out IU that season, 3-0.

3) The last opponent other than IU or Vandy who's offense did not score? In 1993 UK shut out Kent and Mississippi, and allowed only a field goal to East Carolina.