Inventions

Somebody really, really needs to invent an easier way to repair eyeglasses.

I just spent half an hour replacing a stripped screw. The time breakdown was as follows:

10 seconds to screw in a new screw.
5 minutes using my large, clumsy fingers to finesse the minute little screw into the minute little opening without dropping the screw.
24 minutes and 50 seconds looking around for the screw after each failed attempt, all the while wishing I had my glasses on so I could find the little screw.

I know, I know. I could have put my contact lenses in first. Where were you a half-hour ago when I needed that advice?

Secondly, something I've been meaning to write about for a few days. One morning not long ago, I awoke, stumbled into the bathroom, and got a drink of water. Then I grabbed my toothbrush, opened a new tube of toothpaste, and squeezed out some disgusting orange goop onto my brush.

Orange? I thought. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the toothpaste. Yes, it was orange. I examined the tube and found I had inadvertently bought citrus-flavored Crest.

It looked bad, and I didn't like the idea of it, but I was willing to give it a shot.

Yuck.

Yuck, yuck, yuck.

Citrus and toothpaste, as I could have guessed already, do not belong together. I would think that anyone who has ever brushed their teeth and then drunk orange juice would agree with me.

The worst part of it is, every evening I keep forgetting to stop for toothpaste, and every morning I keep having the same reaction. Crap! I forgot again. Luckily, the gritted-teeth expression I wear when I taste it is perfect for brushing!