Under "Popular search topics" on my home page I saw "Chaplin time." I had no idea what it referred to, but I was curious so I searched it.
It turns out some doofus watching a 1928 Chaplin film spotted someone in the film who looked like they were talking on a cell phone. Mr. Doofus, of course, reached the obvious conclusion that it was a time traveller.



Obviously.
And I have to admit I would try to do the same thing. I mean, if I found myself in 1951 I would certainly try to work myself in as a background extra in On The Waterfront or something. Because that would be cool.

Two questions, Mr. Doofus.
1) Did he bring his own signal towers?
2) Are there roaming charges, or what?

Mr. Doofus is either just plain insane, or insanely stupid for believing it, or insanely brilliant for coaxing me into watching his stupid Youtube clip and even posting about it.

Our government has problems. Loads and loads and loads of problems. So many problems it's almost impossible to know where to begin. Almost impossible, but not quite. There is one problem that can easily be solved: not enough nicknames. Our politicians could get more done, and done well, if they just had cool nicknames.
Nicknames are important. Nobody was going to stand in Henry VIII's way with a title like Defender of the Faith. And who was going to mess with Ivan the Terrible? Or Alexander the Great?

The steady decline of nicknames can be traced through presidential history. The 19th century saw Old Hickory, Old Rough and Ready, and Honest Abe. The first half of the twentieth century was still fairly strong, with the Trust Buster, Silent Cal, and Give'em Hell Harry.
Then we dropped off to Ike and Tricky Dick, and it was downhill all the way. Our last three presidents have been Bubba, Dubya, and Barry.

So I'm trying to rectify the situation. It's too late for Barry, but there are other politicians who can still be helped.


Harry Reid, for instance, could henceforth be known as Harry the Mundane.

On the other side of the aisle, Senator McConnell is now Mitch the Stiff.

California's governor could be, um...hmmm, something from movies maybe. Ideally an intimidating, sci-fi type name from some Linda Hamilton movie. Can't think of anything, though.

Sarah Palin will still be known as That Crazy Bitch. Some things don't need to change.

I can't think of a good name for myself, though. I'd like something along the lines of Defender of the Faith, because that's really cool. But it doesn't really fit with atheism, so I think I'll go with Eater of the Cheetos.

I wore a purple shirt today for no particular reason. Well, I thought it looked nice, and it was clean, so really I guess I wore it for two reasons.

Early in the day someone passing on the stairwell commented upon my purple. She also was wearing purple, so I thought it was one of those stupid 'Kevin got the memo' comments I always hear when two people wear similar clothes.

Then I noticed a few others wearing purple. And people kept directing comments to me in tones indicating camaraderie.

Still, though I thought it odd that so many people were wearing purple I didn't think much of it.

Finally, just a few minutes ago I logged into Facebook to check up on statuses and saw some status updates which referenced the wearing of purple. So then I Googled it and found out about Spirit Day.
But I was clueless the whole time it mattered- sort of like wearing green on March 17 and not knowing it is St. Patrick's Day. But I'm certainly fine with it, and hope I looked like the caring, supportive person I strive to be, and not the clueless, out-of-the-loop one which I so often am.

A woman in a battered little Nissan Sentra accompanied me for a long stretch of Taylorsville Rd. today. First behind her, then beside her, then behind her again, I got quite a good view of her car.

In addition to the dents and scrapes, her car was festooned (I don't think I've ever used the word 'festooned' before. Cool) with bumper stickers. One announced she hearts "Dexter," and another that she hearts "boys who sparkle." An odd combination. Bumper stickers also declared her support for Bluegrass Brewing Company, the Beatles (3 separate Beatles bumper stickers- I heart the Beatles and two others), and music as a whole. She is also a fan of "Twilight."

(If I have just described your car, please post a comment with your explanation for the bumper sticker described in the next sentence.)

But the bumper sticker I still can't figure out- and which has bothered me off and on for a few hours now- is "I heart dogs and I vote."
I mean, both are admirable sentiments, but I really don't get the connection. Is this an election issue, or has it been an issue at any point since the late 90's when her car was assembled? Did Mitch McConnell get re-elected in '08 on an "I kick puppies" platform and I missed it? In which direction does the dog-lovers' voting bloc trend,and what did the other side do to piss them off?

Sticking with the theme....

Not long ago I was at my desk and someone handed me a card to sign. It's always somebody's birthday or promotion or wedding or death-in-the-family or retirement or move-on-to-a-better-job so I grabbed a pen and prepared to sign it.
I read the card to discover the emotional genre (since I'd hate to sign 'sorry for your loss' for a marriage or 'congratulations' for chemo treatments) and saw it was a condolence card for a woman I know pretty well and like.
But I absolutely refused to sign the card; the condolences were for the passing of her pet dog.
Again, the sentiment is fine. I am truly sorry her dog died. But just a week previously we'd passed around a card for a fellow who lost his step-daughter, so to me it seemed entirely inappropriate to do the same for a pet.

I do not at all regret not signing the card. No one would even have noticed. My big mistake was mentioning to someone else that I thought it was a bad idea. The person I discussed it with agreed with me, but someone else overheard and quickly reached the conclusion that I'm an animal-hater, and I always hate dealing with those people.

Pets are not people. It seems obvious. I should be able to say that without being declared a dog-hater.

But apparently I can't, so for the record I do not hate dogs.
Except Georgia Bulldogs this week.

Drat

Close but no cigar for the Wildcats. My handicapping looked pretty good, though. 37-34 on a last-second field goal is pretty close to my 31-31 in regulation handicapping, and I beat the spread again.
I have a very long streak of success picking the spread. I thought I missed the Tennessee game last year, but I just looked at that post from last November and I didn't make a pick. I instead said it was basicall way too close to call. Since that one went to overtime I guess it was accurate.

I'm doing so good picking UK football I think I'll retire and just bet on the games. Take out my life savings and keep doubling my money on Kentucky footbal games. Let's see.... 12 cents doubled is $0.24; double that is $0.48, double that is $0.96... and if make these bets on each of the 5 or so games per year that I currently make picks....hmmm, carry the 1.... I should be up to 30 or 40 bucks in just a few years.

Can the Cats Score A Knockout?

Your Big Blue handicapper puts it all on the line this week and answers "Maybe."

I would be unwilling to wager on this game at the six point spread. That's a pretty strong vote of confidence when compared with my compatriots in Wildcat Nation, who seem almost universally pessimistic.

But I'm laying my official blogging handicapper credentials on the line and saying if forced to choose I'd take Kentucky and the points. My ultra-scientific analysis keeps leading me to a 31-31 tie score, so I'd say taking the six is the way to go.

______________________________________________

What has Kevin been up to, you ask?
Very little, I answer.
I have done nothing really interesting since the short golf trip. That's fine by me, for the moment at least. My post-softball season free nights have been spent taking walks, reading, hitting a few golf balls (my 'found' swing still wanders away sometimes; perhaps my golf game is suffering from dementia), and watching college football. Very boring and yet I'm not bored.

Tonight I've done a fair amount of internet reading about General Pershing. Fascinating guy- and I had no idea the nickname Black Jack had such an ugly source.

Last night a little after eleven o'clock I heard a couple of emergency vehicles race by. Then a couple more. Then a couple more. I was curious enough to walk outside and look around, but didn't see anything.
Turns out they were probably responding to the airplane that landed on the Watterson. That would explain it.