Resident Seer Reflects Upon 2010 Births

While the cable news programs have adequately covered (I'm guessing. I don't have cable) the retrospective reflections upon those important folk who, in this great year of two thousand and ten, kicked the proverbial bucket, it appears this humble blogger must step in and fill a shameful void by covering the year's births.

We turned to our in-house seer to provide the goods. So without further ado, here is your year in newborns:

January 4) Anna Nicole Nicole. Teen pop sensation will win multiple Grammies and set numerous sales records before falling into obscurity after 2028. Will star in a short-lived sit com in 2047.
January 11) John Wayne Soterman. Notorious mass murderer will kill 19 people and injure 17 others before shooting himself. Related side note: if you happen to be living in Ft. Worth in the year 2041, April 8 is not a good day to go shoe shopping.
February 13) Barack Obama Sinclair. 58th president of the United States, will be known chiefly for his controversial decision to permanently end U.S. involvement in the war in Afghanistan.
April 21) Meng Lau Yow. Developer of orally-administered cancer cure. Cure will first be marketed in 2047. Unfortunately, no one will be able to afford it.
May 3) Artimus 'Happy' Henderman. Star of the successful "Happy" series of movies, including "Happy Joins A Cult" and "Happy and the Hand Grenade."
July 31) Greta Senata. In the year 2043 becomes the first woman to swim from Poughkeepsie to Boston. Dozens of previous attempts, each of course tried after global warming and rising sea levels made the feat possible, all ended in failure.
August 11) General Juan Miguel Santos. Famed drug lord, supreme president (El Presidente Supremo) of Mexico and the New Mexico, Arizona, and Southern California territories. China will send troops to stabilize the region in 2054, but will not succeed in overthrowing Santos until his death in 2067.
September 30) Liam Anderson. In the year 2068, Anderson will conclusively prove either the existence or the non-existence of God. But we won't spoil the surprise!

Some other famous people were born October thru December, but my dinner is ready so I guess you'll just have to wait and see.

As it turns out, nothing is wrong.

There, now that I've completely ruined the suspense, here's the story:

I had a routine doctor's appointment Tuesday afternoon which included a routine contribution of various bodily fluids for subsequent testing.

Thursday night at bedtime I realized my telephone had been turned off all day. One missed voicemail message was a request to call my doctor's office.

Well, I thought, that sucks.
I knew very well they didn't want me to call because they wished to congratulate me on my excellent health. Something was wrong.

So I worried about it as I tried to go to sleep, and I started worrying about it again as soon as I woke up. Three hours later, when the doctor's office finally opened, I called to get the bad news, which was: just a mild vitamin D deficiency and I need to start taking a vitamin per day. No big deal.

And for the record, I didn't fret that much. I exaggerated to make the story more exciting. I was less worried about a severe problem than I was about the possibility I would need to go back and give another blood sample or something, thus requiring some schedule finagling at a time when I'm already working 11 and 12 hour days.

Vitamin D, though? I thought it a weird vitamin to lack, because exposure to sunlight pretty much took care of it. Then I realized how little time I've spent out-of-doors since softball season ended and figured that might be the cause. So perhaps the drastic cutback in golf has had some health consequences after all.

I was reading up a bit on the Soviet-Afghan war of the 80's when I came across a picture of the Afghanistan flag circa 1980-1987.
It struck me that the flag's seal looked a lot like Professor Chaos (Butters from South Park).

Anyway, according to the Wikipedia entry, here's what the seal actually represented:
"...a rising sun (a reference to the former name, Khorasan, meaning "Land of the Rising Sun"), a pulpit and the Qur'an for Islam, ribbons with the national colors, a cogwheel for industry, and a red star for communism"

Because I'm quite sure that everyone wants to know what I have been reading (I'm like Oprah in this way), here's a brief update.

It had been a good long while since I read anything noteworthy. I ran into a string of disappointing books and struggled to find anything I liked. Among the disappointments was "Martin Chuzzlewit." I guess I am just not a Dickens fan, but once in a while I give him another try.
Finally I took up the Stieg Larsson trilogy upon a recommendation from my parents. I was impressed. All three books were very entertaining. Two thumbs up.
Yesterday I bought a few used books, including a couple by P.G. Wodehouse. I've heard lots of good things about him over the years and finally decided to check him out. I've made a decent start on the first and I am impressed again.
I expected the humor to be a little dated. It is that, but still he's quite funny. In lots of ways the stories remind me of very old sit coms- the humor is along the lines of Burns and Allen or I Love Lucy. And those were good shows. Plus, since Wodehouse predates them by a couple of decades maybe they were actually stealing his style and material.

The Mad Procrastinating Handicapper Makes His Pick

I'll pick Blame in the Breeders Cup Classic.

Wow. That was easy. I wish I'd thought of making picks after the race a long time ago.

It was a great two days of racing. I don't know who came up with the Breeders Cup idea, but it was a good one. It's a great event every year.

I ended up just a few dollars down for the weekend.

While at work Friday I was a little perturbed because for some reason I couldn't bet by phone. I was even angrier when I lost out on a winner the 2nd race because of it. But it turns out I would have ended up at almost exactly even overall on the bets I didn't get to make, so no harm done.

Then today I lost big for a while, then made a steady rally for the last 3 races to almost break even again. Almost, but not quite.

It's that time of year. The days are getting chillier, kids are eating their Halloween candy, thoughts are turning to turkey, and the endless stream of pundits explaining what will happen in the election has morphed into an endless stream of pundits explaining what just happened in the election.

A popular topic among the pundits has to do with the packaging of respective messages. Apparently- and not surprisingly, considering the intelligence and attention span of the average person- it's important to have a unified, very simple message and express it all day, every day so that this very simple message sinks in.

It's finally occurring to me that the "conservatives" have a distinct advantage in this regard not because of better political gamesmanship but because of their actual beliefs about these issues. Almost across the board, their message is simpler because their belief is simpler.
I don't mean to imply (at least not in every case) that their belief is stupider. Just simpler. I tend to vote for the "liberals," of course, but I agree with the other side on some issues. And more often than not I believe both sides are completely full of shit.

But on almost every major issue, the so-called conservative stance is much, much easier to translate into an advertisement- whether on a commercial or a bumper sticker.

Just try to argue from each side as briefly and succinctly as possible while still being accurate. It is impossible in every case to express the "liberal" view in fewer words.

Here are some examples.

Abortion
Conservative: I'm pro-life.
Liberal: We are against abortions but in some cases have to consider what is best for all concerned.

Capital punishment:
Conservative: An eye for an eye.
Liberal: Uncomfortable moral implications and an imperfect judicial system have to be considered.

Taxes:
Conservative: Taxes should be lower.
Liberal: I'd like to lower taxes if possible but government serves an essential role and has to be paid for in some way.

Global warming:
Conservative: Global warming is a hoax.
Liberal: The great preponderance of scientific evidence is that global warming is real, that man is contributing to it, and that if something is not done there will be terrible consequences.

Gun control:
Conservative: Gun ownership is our right.
Liberal: We have a right to own guns for hunting, sports, and self-protection but must do something to keep guns out of the hands of criminals.

That was just a few. I've thought of lots more. In every cae, I think I the "conservative" side is presented quite accurately. The "liberal" view is relatively accurate for each, but I would probably require more words than I actually used if I wanted to be as accurate as I was when stating the "conservative" argument.

Under "Popular search topics" on my home page I saw "Chaplin time." I had no idea what it referred to, but I was curious so I searched it.
It turns out some doofus watching a 1928 Chaplin film spotted someone in the film who looked like they were talking on a cell phone. Mr. Doofus, of course, reached the obvious conclusion that it was a time traveller.



Obviously.
And I have to admit I would try to do the same thing. I mean, if I found myself in 1951 I would certainly try to work myself in as a background extra in On The Waterfront or something. Because that would be cool.

Two questions, Mr. Doofus.
1) Did he bring his own signal towers?
2) Are there roaming charges, or what?

Mr. Doofus is either just plain insane, or insanely stupid for believing it, or insanely brilliant for coaxing me into watching his stupid Youtube clip and even posting about it.

Our government has problems. Loads and loads and loads of problems. So many problems it's almost impossible to know where to begin. Almost impossible, but not quite. There is one problem that can easily be solved: not enough nicknames. Our politicians could get more done, and done well, if they just had cool nicknames.
Nicknames are important. Nobody was going to stand in Henry VIII's way with a title like Defender of the Faith. And who was going to mess with Ivan the Terrible? Or Alexander the Great?

The steady decline of nicknames can be traced through presidential history. The 19th century saw Old Hickory, Old Rough and Ready, and Honest Abe. The first half of the twentieth century was still fairly strong, with the Trust Buster, Silent Cal, and Give'em Hell Harry.
Then we dropped off to Ike and Tricky Dick, and it was downhill all the way. Our last three presidents have been Bubba, Dubya, and Barry.

So I'm trying to rectify the situation. It's too late for Barry, but there are other politicians who can still be helped.


Harry Reid, for instance, could henceforth be known as Harry the Mundane.

On the other side of the aisle, Senator McConnell is now Mitch the Stiff.

California's governor could be, um...hmmm, something from movies maybe. Ideally an intimidating, sci-fi type name from some Linda Hamilton movie. Can't think of anything, though.

Sarah Palin will still be known as That Crazy Bitch. Some things don't need to change.

I can't think of a good name for myself, though. I'd like something along the lines of Defender of the Faith, because that's really cool. But it doesn't really fit with atheism, so I think I'll go with Eater of the Cheetos.

I wore a purple shirt today for no particular reason. Well, I thought it looked nice, and it was clean, so really I guess I wore it for two reasons.

Early in the day someone passing on the stairwell commented upon my purple. She also was wearing purple, so I thought it was one of those stupid 'Kevin got the memo' comments I always hear when two people wear similar clothes.

Then I noticed a few others wearing purple. And people kept directing comments to me in tones indicating camaraderie.

Still, though I thought it odd that so many people were wearing purple I didn't think much of it.

Finally, just a few minutes ago I logged into Facebook to check up on statuses and saw some status updates which referenced the wearing of purple. So then I Googled it and found out about Spirit Day.
But I was clueless the whole time it mattered- sort of like wearing green on March 17 and not knowing it is St. Patrick's Day. But I'm certainly fine with it, and hope I looked like the caring, supportive person I strive to be, and not the clueless, out-of-the-loop one which I so often am.

A woman in a battered little Nissan Sentra accompanied me for a long stretch of Taylorsville Rd. today. First behind her, then beside her, then behind her again, I got quite a good view of her car.

In addition to the dents and scrapes, her car was festooned (I don't think I've ever used the word 'festooned' before. Cool) with bumper stickers. One announced she hearts "Dexter," and another that she hearts "boys who sparkle." An odd combination. Bumper stickers also declared her support for Bluegrass Brewing Company, the Beatles (3 separate Beatles bumper stickers- I heart the Beatles and two others), and music as a whole. She is also a fan of "Twilight."

(If I have just described your car, please post a comment with your explanation for the bumper sticker described in the next sentence.)

But the bumper sticker I still can't figure out- and which has bothered me off and on for a few hours now- is "I heart dogs and I vote."
I mean, both are admirable sentiments, but I really don't get the connection. Is this an election issue, or has it been an issue at any point since the late 90's when her car was assembled? Did Mitch McConnell get re-elected in '08 on an "I kick puppies" platform and I missed it? In which direction does the dog-lovers' voting bloc trend,and what did the other side do to piss them off?

Sticking with the theme....

Not long ago I was at my desk and someone handed me a card to sign. It's always somebody's birthday or promotion or wedding or death-in-the-family or retirement or move-on-to-a-better-job so I grabbed a pen and prepared to sign it.
I read the card to discover the emotional genre (since I'd hate to sign 'sorry for your loss' for a marriage or 'congratulations' for chemo treatments) and saw it was a condolence card for a woman I know pretty well and like.
But I absolutely refused to sign the card; the condolences were for the passing of her pet dog.
Again, the sentiment is fine. I am truly sorry her dog died. But just a week previously we'd passed around a card for a fellow who lost his step-daughter, so to me it seemed entirely inappropriate to do the same for a pet.

I do not at all regret not signing the card. No one would even have noticed. My big mistake was mentioning to someone else that I thought it was a bad idea. The person I discussed it with agreed with me, but someone else overheard and quickly reached the conclusion that I'm an animal-hater, and I always hate dealing with those people.

Pets are not people. It seems obvious. I should be able to say that without being declared a dog-hater.

But apparently I can't, so for the record I do not hate dogs.
Except Georgia Bulldogs this week.

Drat

Close but no cigar for the Wildcats. My handicapping looked pretty good, though. 37-34 on a last-second field goal is pretty close to my 31-31 in regulation handicapping, and I beat the spread again.
I have a very long streak of success picking the spread. I thought I missed the Tennessee game last year, but I just looked at that post from last November and I didn't make a pick. I instead said it was basicall way too close to call. Since that one went to overtime I guess it was accurate.

I'm doing so good picking UK football I think I'll retire and just bet on the games. Take out my life savings and keep doubling my money on Kentucky footbal games. Let's see.... 12 cents doubled is $0.24; double that is $0.48, double that is $0.96... and if make these bets on each of the 5 or so games per year that I currently make picks....hmmm, carry the 1.... I should be up to 30 or 40 bucks in just a few years.

Can the Cats Score A Knockout?

Your Big Blue handicapper puts it all on the line this week and answers "Maybe."

I would be unwilling to wager on this game at the six point spread. That's a pretty strong vote of confidence when compared with my compatriots in Wildcat Nation, who seem almost universally pessimistic.

But I'm laying my official blogging handicapper credentials on the line and saying if forced to choose I'd take Kentucky and the points. My ultra-scientific analysis keeps leading me to a 31-31 tie score, so I'd say taking the six is the way to go.

______________________________________________

What has Kevin been up to, you ask?
Very little, I answer.
I have done nothing really interesting since the short golf trip. That's fine by me, for the moment at least. My post-softball season free nights have been spent taking walks, reading, hitting a few golf balls (my 'found' swing still wanders away sometimes; perhaps my golf game is suffering from dementia), and watching college football. Very boring and yet I'm not bored.

Tonight I've done a fair amount of internet reading about General Pershing. Fascinating guy- and I had no idea the nickname Black Jack had such an ugly source.

Last night a little after eleven o'clock I heard a couple of emergency vehicles race by. Then a couple more. Then a couple more. I was curious enough to walk outside and look around, but didn't see anything.
Turns out they were probably responding to the airplane that landed on the Watterson. That would explain it.

Between 9 and 10 o'clock tonight I was a couch potato. I watched 'The Office' and that incredibly stupid show right after it. The incredibly stupid show left time for my mind to wander, and I started wondering about term limits for politicians.

Lots of people think term limits are a good idea, but the good idea never goes anywhere. So I started wondering if going the opposite route might achieve results which are almost as good. How about lifetime appointments for senators?

First of all, even though they are up for re-election every six years, it usually works out to pretty much a lifetime appointment anyway, what with the huge campaign war chests and political machines they build up. Thus it wouldn't change much of the Senate's makeup, but it would save a heck of a lot of time and money usually spent campaigning.

I hate the idea of being stuck with Mitch for life, but it seems like I am anyway.

Second, once freed from campaigning, they might actually be willing to make painful but necessary decisions. It might help alleviate the current 'give everybody everything but let's not ask them to pay for it' system. And senators would be somewhat freed from having to satisfy their big donors. Not entirely, but somewhat.

House reps would still have to campaign, and still have to pander to the lowest common denominator, but the Senate would probably become a better check on stupid, irresponsible legislation. And maybe there could be system tinkering by which a super majority of house votes could override the Senate, sort of like with a presidential veto.

Just spitballing. Might be dumb, but I was intrigued. See where my mind goes when I'm watching a very dumb show about a call center in India and my remote is out of reach?

The Pew Forum survey regarding religious knowledge was very interesting. I didn't hear this on NPR, but apparently 'liking' groups eventually has advantages after all, because I got a helpful link via Facebook.

Two very interesting results:
1)Atheists and agnostics knew more about religion than any other groups. Jewish and Mormon respondents were close behind.
2)The survey asked a few general knowledge questions along with the questions about religion. People who defined themselves as not very religious scored higher on the general knowledge questions.

As always with these surveys, I was amazed by the overall ignorance. Most glaring to me was the high percentage of people who did not know Joe Biden was Vice President, but some of the other results were scary, too.

Most of the answers were multiple choice. I knew all of the answers even without the choice, except one. I was unfamiliar with Maimonides, but I would have correctly guessed 'Jewish' on the multiple choice.
And now I've done the requisite Wikipedia study and I'm familiar with him, too.

Here is the article about the results.
http://pewforum.org/Other-Beliefs-and-Practices/U-S-Religious-Knowledge-Survey.aspx

This is the list of questions, with complete wording.
http://pewforum.org/uploadedFiles/Topics/Belief_and_Practices/religious-knowledge-topline.pdf

As my loyal readers (all 5 of you) know, my golf game fell apart a while back. I lost my swing and tried just about everything to find it again, I even put my swing's picture on a milk carton...

but with no luck.
It was miserable. I was never a long hitter, but from consistent 230-yard drives and comfortable 150-yard six irons , I fell all the way to the point where I could hardly hit anything 150.

I basically quit playing for almost 2 years. But knowing I was going on a golf trip last week, I worked pretty hard for about 3 weeks. I improved enough to get by. My 100-yard club improved from a 7-iron to a 9, and my 150-yard club improved from a 3-wood to a 4-iron. Not good, but at least I could get around a course.

Then yesterday evening- my first Tuesday with no scheduled softball since pre-Derby- I wandered over to the shag field at Seneca and hit a few balls. I don't precisely know what I changed, but I made some incredible improvements on my distance.
My first dozen or so balls were not hit particularly well at all, then I suddenly started hitting them longer and reasonably straight. I hit my 6, 7, and 8 irons, and found I had suddenly added about 30 yards to the distance of each.

Now I guess I'm ready for winter and the loss of my swing again.

The Return of the Big Blue Handicapper

My fellow fans of the 3-0 Kentucky Wildcats seem mildly optimistic about the weekend. Okay, maybe not optimistic, but at least less pessimistic than in years past. So is this the year the Cats finally knock off the Gators?

No. Not a chance.

And with a 16-point spread I would gladly put money on Florida; or at least I would do so if betting (against Kentucky) was not a sin.

Kentucky's three opponents so far have zero wins against BCS schools.
Florida is still Florida. They scored 38 against South Florida and 31 in Knoxville, which is still impressive, down year for the puke-inside-a-pumpkin orange lowdown dirty snitches or not.

Kentucky's offense is much-improved and has greatly increased confidence, which helps. But the defense hasn't shown it can stop anyone decent.
It won't be embarrasing- at least not 31-0 1st quarter, 63-5 final score embarrasing like the last visit to the Swamp- but it will still be a decisive loss.

I'll say 42-23 Gators, which is reasonably close to the spread. But it's likely to be worse.

We ended our fall league with two very good wins to finish 5 and 5. My softball season was over- for about 5 minutes, after which I agreed to play in a Friday league that will probably last until Thanksgiving. I'm not too bright.

But if I play until November I might get to play in less than 85 degree weather. Maybe.

It's been a great, very tiring week. Fun golf trip, followed by a very long work week and good softball. And apparently I have more softball to come. At least I had enough sense to say no to a football ticket this weekend. I'm staying home.

Tantalus was invited to dine with the gods of Olympus, stole secrets, nectar, and ambrosia for his people, and thus angered the gods. He did other things too, and pretty horrid stuff when compared to what I mentioned.
His punishment in the underworld "was to stand in a pool of water beneath a fruit tree with low branches. Whenever he reached for the fruit, the branches raised his intended meal from his grasp. Whenever he bent down to get a drink, the water receded before he could get any. Over his head towers a threatening stone, like that of Sisyphus."- per Wikipedia, which we all know is never wrong.
Thus we now have the word "tantalize."
Just thought you might like to know. I was curious about the word, and that's what I found out.

______________________________________________________
Another Yogi loss dropped ust to 3 and 4 in the fall. Five starters out- numbers 1,2,3,6 and 10 in the batting order, by my count. That's a tough handicap to overcome each night, and it's pretty standard for the league so far.

Brian came out and played with us. We only scored 8 runs, but you can't blame our family for that. We each hit two for three.

UK/UofL Pick

I have a lot to live up to this year. My picks last season were right on the money except for the Tennessee game, and if I remember correctly I gave a large number of caveats for that one and basically said it was a toss-up, and only picked UK because I hate the Vols with a blinding passion that clouded my judgement.
Then I went on to win my office bowl pick 'em, so I now consider myself a professional pigskin prognosticator.
(Aside: I just ran a quick spellcheck for the post to this point, and Google says nothing is spelled incorrectly. Why did it not flag "'em"?)

Here comes my first stab at the 2010 Wildcats:

Louisville is not good. Charlie Strong may or may not be a good head coach. There is simply no way of knowing. His recruiting has started out well, but he's playing this game with Kragthorpe's players.
Kentucky is okay. Joker Phillips may or may not be.... and so on (see above and exchange Kragthorpe with Brooks).

So I have no choice but to ignore all the unknowns- which is a lot- and go with what I know. Kentucky at this point has better players, and Kentucky's players are familiar with their system. Louisville has less talent and less familiarity with their system.
Kentucky should thus make fewer mistakes, and they should also make more big positive plays. I don't see much great offense coming from either side, but Kentucky will scratch out an ugly season-opening win.

Kentucky 33, Louisville 17. Comfortable, but not pretty.

Ouch

I sliced my thumb while preparing my dinner. I refuse to elaborate on the exact cause of the wound, as anything I say may be used to convict me on grounds of stupidity. Of course, since I already admitted I did it to myself- no one jumped out at me with a knife- stupidity is the only possible conclusion anyway, but still...

It was pretty gory. A very small area on the surface, but definitely deeper than I would generally prefer.

brief interesting aside: I've noticed that injuries up to a certain level cause me to cuss, but once they pass that level I generally just say 'yow!' (rhymes with 'cow'), accompanied by a sharp intake of breath. I'd be interested to know exactly where the threshold is, but I don't care to experiment.

I ran some water over my thumb and was surprised and impressed by the volume and rapidity of blood loss. Then I went to the bathroom sink, under which I keep some bandages. I ran some more water on it, examined it again, ran some more water, examined it again, and kept repeating the process until I realized I just kept bleeding everywhere.

I suspected I might need more than a tiny bandage, so I went in search of my first aid kit. I believed it to be located on a bookshelf near the kitchen. It was, and I found it after shuffling some things around.

So I returned to the bathroom, first aid kit in hand. I fumbled around with it a little trying to open the two thumb latches with one thumb and one pinkie (awkward), rooted around and finally found some gauze and some sterile wipes.

Then I cleaned the thumb a little better and wrapped a little gauze around it. Then a couple of bandages to hold the gauze in place. Actually, the first two bandages I grabbed had to be thrown out, because I got so much blood on them before I even opened them that the little wrappers got soggy and I couldn't open them. But I eventually managed to extract two intact. Finally, my thumb was adequately dressed and all was quiet.
Then I looked around and realized there was blood in the sink, on the counter, in the bathtub, on a towel, soaking a washcloth, on the floor, and on the carpet. Following the blood trail backwards, I found blood drops on and around the bookshelf, the kitchen floor, the kitchen counter, and all the dirty dishes in the sink.
But the Italian sausage I was browning was okay, because during my first return in search of the first aid kit I remembered to turn the heat down.

And my minestroni was delicious!

More this and that...

I'm not exactly an ultra-high-tech, wired-in (or rather 'wireless'- see how low-tech I am?) kind of guy, so unlike most citizens of the 21st century I don't update my Facebook status from anywhere at any time. Thus I frequently think of a really funny status I can use, and then by the time I get home I forget what it was.

I thought of a great one this morning. But 12 hours later when I'm here at my computer, I now have no idea what it was. Sometimes I remember a shred of it, try to work with that, and end up with something much less funny. For instance, last week I thought of a good one. "Kevin gave conflict diamonds to Naomi Campbell, and all he got was this lousy tee shirt."
Then when I got home I remembered diamonds, but had no idea what the rest of it was and ended up posting something I liked a lot less. Then I remembered the first one a few hours later.
____________________
I'm proud of the dish I brought to the pool party a couple weeks ago. I made a watermelon and feta salad. I used spring mix, onions, watermelon (I even bought a melon baller so it looked great), feta cheese, some pepper, oil, and vinegar. It was fantastic! Quite delicious. It definitely enters my rotation of dishes to bring to events to which I must bring a dish.
____________________
Interesting sense memory: A lady walked by my desk today and smelled strongly of some hand lotion or something similar. It was a very familiar smell, and after a few moments I realized she smelled just like Dot. Odd that I can be so sure of that after 20 years, but I am.
______________________
Last Wednesday in the tournament I benched myself. For the first time in 15 years as a Yogi I thought our best lineup did not include me.
Then the next night at St. Helen's we were short-handed and I ended up playing a very good 2nd base. Then tonight we were extremely, extremely short-handed and I played a very good shortstop. We lost both games, but I played well.
_______________________
How did I live in Lubbock and never hear about the Lubbock Lights of 1951? I just heard about it recently, checked into it, and am fascinated. There is apparently no definite conclusion as to what the UFOs were, but the most common belief seems to be birds- most likely plovers- reflecting the city's then-new street lights.
Seems reasonable, but then why were there no more sightings in later years?

________________________
Oh, and one more neat thing. I caught a skink in the hallway at work yesterday and carried it back outside to the courtyard. Pretty cool.

"I see a ladybug, hello lady ladybug..."

A this and that update:

Yogi's lost the final of the massive 4 team St. I's tournament, the Sunday team finished 2nd in the tournament, and we play at 7:15 in the loser's bracket final Wednesday. If we win we have to win two more in a row.
Fall league started tonight. If we manage to play 3 games Wednesday, then after Thursday I will have had 12 games in 12 days.

I carried my team (okay, Brian helped) to a scramble win Sunday at Charlie Vettiner GC. I haven't received our payoff yet, but Brian and I both have some money coming for the win, and we each won an extra. Mine was closest to the pin on 17, and Brian had his name on everything else, so I'm not sure which one held up. I'm guessing long drive.

The Yogi pool party was Saturday, golf scramble Sunday, and I played two softball games Sunday night. I don't mind admitting it was a very hot weekend to be outdoors for 20 hours, even just playing cornhole, golf, and softball. It wore me out.

I guess I ran out of 'this and that' fairly quickly. I haven't been doing much else.

Sure, buying Newsweek for one dollar seems like a great deal. But they'll be pestering him to renew within a couple of months.

Hot, Hot, Hot!

(I Googled "hot, hot, hot" for an image to go with this post. The options presented were fun to look at, but not exactly apropos.)

How do you make an incredibly hot late afternoon double-header even worse? Play two extra innings the first game.

We lost in nine innings, then won the second game fairly easily.

We were visitors the first game. I hate to admit this, but each time we took the field in the 7th, 8th, and 9th innings I was hoping the other team would end the game one way or the other, and I didn't really care how. I wanted them to either win it or lose it, I didn't care which- as long as they didn't just tie it up again so we had to play another inning.

Oh yeah, almost forgot- 7:00 Tuesday, and Wednesday is the first tournament game at 6:15.

As this is the fiftieth anniversary of "To Kill A Mockingbird," all the NPR hosts have been doing special segments. I've enjoyed each one. It's one of my favorite books, and definitely my favorite book/movie combo.

The three call-in shows I've heard discussing "Mockingbird" have each had at least one caller air a grievance about how poor white southerners were portrayed.

I didn't have an issue with this at first, but the more I think about it the more I believe they have a point. I've led myself to see a problem which I can't seem to resolve satisfactorily- though it will in no way decrease my enjoyment of "To Kill A Mockingbird." It's still fantastic.

Anyway, here's the problem.
In going through all the main characters in my head, it seems that every single influential person in town was on the 'enlightened' side:
*Atticus, the lawyer and state representative, certainly had to have some power in town.
*Virtually all of his near neighbors seemed to be in Atticus' camp, and I have to assume, since he was one of the more successful people around, that he lived in the same part of town as other successful people. That's the way it works everywhere else, anyway.
*The judge was on his side, too.
*The sheriff, too.
*The newspaper publisher, too.

I would think that in a Depression-era small southern town, that list basically includes the majority of the power.

So I have to conclude that the radio callers have a valid point. The book seems to indicate that racism persisted because the wealthy, educated, successful people were powerless against the rabble.

I find it hard to believe.

Still a darned good book, though. It just works better as entertaining, moving fiction than as a sociological study.

Here's Something I Learned Today...

..but I'm not going to share.

Many days ago I heard mention of thermobaric weapons on some talk radio show. I think maybe it was "Fresh Air."
I had a very rough idea of what thermobaric weapons are- I mean, I knew roughly how destructive they are but I didn't really know how they worked, so I made a mental note to look it up.
I finally got around to it this evening and I now wish I hadn't.



Sometimes I think humans really stink. If not for great stuff like Hamlet, Elvis, and onion rings I'd think we are a lost cause.

We won two games tonight.

I went to the batting cage Saturday. While there I tried dropping my hands lower since I've been slicing into a lot of balls all year. The change improved my hitting immediately, and I was six-for-six in the two games tonight, so I think I'm on to something.

My opposite number in the second game was slighly more famous than me, so here's the scouting report on Bob Valvano: Bats left- decent hitter, with not much pop but hits it pretty sharply. Mediocre glove but unafraid to throw himself in front of a ground ball, so okay as a third baseman. No arm, though-he looks like he's lobbing hand grenades.

Uh, thanks...

Tonight I dove and cleanly fielded a hard ground ball on the 3rd base line. Stilll a hit- the throw while sitting on my butt didn't have enough on it to get the guy out.
The next inning, the guy who hit it comes out to coach 3rd base and says "That was a hell of a play. When I hit it I thought I had a double all the way. I didn't think an old guy like you had a chance on that ball."

Just what everybody longs to hear on their 39th birthday.

We lost by a bunch of runs. I played poorly, as did the rest of my team. And for the record, I was only our 4th oldest player tonight-though every one of our players was older than their youngest. But if we get them again in the league tournament I would gladly put money on us.

"Richard III" in Central Park was quite good. Most of the performance was relatively ordinary- solid, but nothing special, but it had what I wanted; the actor who portrayed Richard was entertainingly villainous.

I missed the last few minutes. They now have a liquor stand, thus the large cup of tasty Shakes Beer I bought near intermission led to desperate need of a bathroom right before the big fight scene. I couldn't wait any longer (My kingdom for a toilet!)so I'm really not sure how it ended. I'm betting Richard finally won the battle this time, though, because the guy playing Richmond was tiny.

Also, I'd forgotten the play had so many roles for children. Not large roles- most of them meet quick, gruesome off-stage ends, but still, there are a few kids. Every time I see kids in a show like that I end up wondering how many of the 3-hour performances parents sit through to see their kids on stage for 3 minutes.
One side of a phone conversation:
"I can't make the poker game tonight, Hal. Yeah, my kid's getting murdered again.
What? Only about 3 lines.
Right after intermission. Yeah.
Not sure, really. Beheading, maybe? It happens off-stage.
No, I don't guess so...hold on, let me ask-
HONEY? CAN I LEAVE AND GO PLAY POKER AFTER HE GETS KILLED?
She said no. I have to watch the whole thing.
Yeah, maybe next week."

___________________________________________
In other news...


My new retirement plan: I read that 41% of Americans believe Jesus will return by 2050. I think I'm willing to take that wager. I just need to find a few thousand people willing to bet me, and when I collect I should be able to double my savings just when I really need it.
And here's the best part. On the off chance I lose, most of the people to whom I would owe money will probably vanish via Rapture before I have to pay up.

We won in 8 innings. A fun game, and very hot.

But 8 innings? That's NOTHING! I'm watching a repeat of the still-unfinished Isner/Mahut tennis match right now on ESPN3. It's incredible. I've never seen anything like it. I've skipped way ahead because I really don't have 8 hours to watch tennis tonight, but I sure wish I did. It is must-see television.

The final set alone is longer than any Wimbledon match ever played in the previous 133 years, and it's not over yet. Unbelievable.
___________________
I just reached the end of the match(for the day). I skipped vast segments, but still watched quite a bit. I've really never seen anything I can compare with this match.

Does anyone care to know how to make a hot, hot day even more miserable?

A flat tire on I-64 works. That's really unenjoyable.

I screwed up not recognizing it earlier. It was my rear passenger side, so I generally won't see it in passing- I have to look for it.
And here is why I missed it, even though the car handled a little funny before I got on the interstate:
I got an oil change Saturday. Twice in the past, the oil change folks have screwed up replacing the splash shield under my car. They don't replace it correctly, and it comes loose. Each time, soon (once 1 day, once 2 weeks) after the oil change, I noticed a drag from the lose shield. It felt like a low tire, but each time it was increased drag from wind due to the hanging splash shield.
I noticed the same type drag this afternoon. Before the two splash shield incidents, I would definitely have thought 'low tire', but I now thought of the splash shield. I looked under the car and couldn't find anything loose, but figured I was overlooking it and would check it out further when I was home and more comfortably dressed.
Unfortunately, this time it was actually a low tire, which went flat soon after I hit the interstate.

Hot, hot, hot tire-changing weather, is all I can say.
_____________________________________________________________________
Another softball loss tonight. I only played the first inning. I did hit a double (a rocket off the fence is what it looks like in the scorebook, so I'll just pretend that's what it was) in my only at bat.
Jim arrived right at game-time and wanted to play. He'd been out all year injured, and now that he was available I knew he was really itching to get out there, so I offered to let him come in for me.
I spent the rest of the evening sipping beer and keeping the book, so the weather wasn't too bad.

Softball update

We won last night, 8-6 in nine innings.
We took the field, up 6-5 in the bottom of the 8th. Two hits and then an error by me made it 6-6, no outs, two men on base. I'd played a very good game up until then, but after booting a potential double-play ball I was kicking myself, then...
...we were let off the hook by what was potentially the worst baserunning I have ever seen (Chet notwithstanding). A hit to shallow right-center somehow turned into a 9-1-3-2-5 double-play. We then survived the inning, scored two, and won.
I won't even try to describe the double-play, but dumb, dumb baserunning was definitely to blame.

A Just-Under-The-Deadline Father's Day Post

Five things about my Dad, and rest assured I'm leaving out lots and lots and lots. I'm limiting it to five because it's past my bed time.

*My Dad could (and can) fix lots of things. And lots of it was stuff he wasn't at all sure he could fix until he did it.

*My Dad worked two jobs and yet was willing to coach my ball team on his 1 night off. I might not have appreciated that enough then, but be sure I appreciate it now.

*My Dad taught me to warm up my arm properly because I'd want to be able to throw a ball pain-free many years later. I sure wish I'd listened to that.

*My Dad was lots of fun to wrestle with when I was quite tiny. I might have been 1/4 his weight, but he was good at letting me believe I might win.

*My Dad (and I can't leave Mom out of this. It was a solid team effort) taught me right from wrong. I can't claim anything remotely close to perfection on this count, but when I err I inevitably find that it's because I strayed from what my parents taught me.

I'm very lucky. I have great parents.

Hodgepodge

A mix of topics to catch up.

Cooking- I attempted to make spinach con queso last night. I followed no recipe and had nothing more than a rudimentary grasp of ingredients or cooking method. It was fun!
I used Montery Jack cheese, spinach, crushed red pepper, butter, milk, a little bit of tomato and some chopped onion. My main criteria in determining that these belonged in the dip was that they were in my fridge.
I would have to rank it as a qualified failure. The result was not really recognizable as a queso dip. It was clumpy and runny and required more utensils to eat that I would have preferred. But it tasted pretty good- almost even recognizable as what I intended it to be- and I'm quite sure it was not healthy, so 1 and a half thumbs up!

Softball- 1st Sunday loss today. We had everybody there for the first time all year, fielded an outstanding lineup, and scored only 1 run (5th inning. I led off with a single, we loaded the bases with 1 out, I scored on double-play. It was that kind of outstanding offensive performance.) Pathetic.
Yogis-Tuesday we're pretty good. 1 loss. It's a decent league; we should be competitive. Our last game we won by a 20-run mercy rule in 3 innings, 25-4.
-Wednesday we've lost two. We followed our Tuesday outburst by fielding a better- and very solid lineup Wednesday, and we lost 18-4.
I'll never figure that out. But as a guy who makes out the lineup and wants to get everybody playing time, I have to say it takes a lot of pressure off. It really doesn't matter who sits and who doesn't; if we come to play we're fine, if we're lifeless then it really doesn't matter who is on the field.

(softball adendum which I almost forgot: we play at 7:00 Tuesday at St. I's, and David thinks we play his team that night. He's not certain, and I'm clueless, but he was at St. Martha's watching volleyball tonight and that's what he thinks.)

Books- I finally read "Henderson the Rain King" by Saul Bellow. I've passed it up for years but finally tried it. I should have kept passing it up. I got nothing out of it.
Currently, I've just started Divisidaro, by Michale Ondaatje. I'm not really into it yet and I might put it aside for awhile, but it seems promising and I've liked his other work.
The only thing I've read lately that I really liked a lot was "Shades of Grey: The Road to High Saffron" by Jasper Fforde. Fforde has a very vivid and wild imagination and I have difficulty describing his work, so I'll just crib the entire Wikipedia description:

Chromatacia is a future society that exists five hundred years after the collapse of our own future civilization, referred to by the residents of Chromatacia as The Previous. All life is governed by The Rules as laid down by Munsell, the founder of Chromaticia. Most important of all is the ability to see colour, which is limited in most people to varying degrees of one shade, e.g., Red, or at most two. People without the ability to see any natural color are called Greys and are lowest in the social order, or Colourtocracy.

Eddie Russett is a Red who has been sent to the outer-fringe town of East Carmine to conduct a chair census, as punishment for a practical joke played on the son of a prefect. There he meets Jane, a Grey with a retroussé nose and a fierce temper. As Eddie tries to get back to his normal life and find a way to marry Constance Oxblood, he falls in love with Jane and with her discovers that the world he knows is far more controlling and ruthless than he had imagined.

I'm sure that doesn't help much. But it was loads of fun to read.

Weather- gosh it's hot. Did I used to sweat this much and I've forgotten, or is it just the difference between my various former weights and my current 205 pounds? 204 pounds. 203 pounds. 202 pounds... I'm sweating a lot!

(Not) Politics- Oil pouring into the Gulf is not Obama's fault. He's not a scientist, or an engineer, or Aquaman.
I blame Bush for a lot, but a hurricane which flooded a below-floodplain city was not his fault, nor were the weak levees. The levees were inadequate for 30 or 40 years. I wish Bush hadn't agreed with rebuilding a below-sea level city, and I also wish he hadn't done a long list of other things in his 8 years, but I don't blame him for Katrina. What was he supposed to do?
Similarly, what the heck is Obama supposed to do? He's a lawyer by training. As I would expect any intelligent person to do, he's relying upon the most qualified people to fix the problem. Unfortunately, the most qualified people work for BP.

This afternoon I fulfilled what I believe to be my patriotic duty; I watched almost the entire soccer/football/futbal match between the U.S. and England. I missed the first 10 minutes or so, but I watched the rest.
I don't care for soccer. But I certainly don't want to be one of those self-absorbed Americans who does not take any interest in the rest of the world, so every so often I'll tune in to a soccer game and try to work up some sort of enthusiasm, or at least see what all the fuss is about.
Thus, I watched the whole thing- nearly.


I'm not the type to make fun of soccer. Sure, I would rather listen to John Ashcroft sing than watch any more soccer for at least the next two or three years. I would rather watch old people eat potato salad (with buzzing flies) at a picnic. I would even prefer watching the NBA finals.
The sport is just so incredibly popular in the rest of the world- the shots of thousands of people watching on jumbo screens in Hyde Park were amazing- and I'm just so incredibly indifferent to it.
I think the main reason I tune in every few years is that I can't help thinking I must be missing something. There must be something to it that I don't see. But I just don't get the attraction.

Years ago, a group of Vietnamese used to play basketball on weekends on the St. Agnes playground. I (and Jimmy and Jay) would sometimes play with them. As they played, the Vietnamese kept up a steady stream of chatter in their native tongue. We would play and play and play, and they would all just keep talking and talking and talking, and then suddenly they would all start laughing hysterically at some apparently funny joke. It was baffling. And as a self-conscious 13-year-old I was aways afraid the joke was on me.
That's sort of how I feel when I watch soccer. I just don't get it.
__________________

One thing that I think would improve the sport greatly: no one should be allowed to use their hands. The other 10 guys aren't allowed to grab the ball, so why make an exception for the goalie? There would be more scoring, and thus a lot less chance of a stinking one-one tie like they had today.

ANOTHER OIL SLICK MONSTER SPOTTED

According to CNN's day-by-day map, this monstrous whale was spotted near the Louisiana coast May 20th.
It was hoped that Godzilla, who was previously utilized to fend off the giant sea lion, would be on hand to fight the leviathan. However, Louisiana officials say Godzilla was only employed to put on a 'dog-and-pony show,' and that BP sent Godzilla home as soon as federal officials left the area.
Memorial Weekend vacationers are being warned to take appropriate precautions. Those planning to visit Pensacola, FL are asked to be on especially high alert, as the whale appears headed in their direction.

Going to the Gulf Coast anyway? Here are some helpful tips for your safety:
*If overweight, avoid going in the water. The whale may be feeling amorous. (Not sure if you are overweight? Here's a good rule of thumb: Do you have a Social Security Number? If the answer is 'YES' then you are probably overweight.)
*Avoid wearing or displaying Sea World merchandise.
*Don't dress like krill or exhibit any krill-like behavior.
*Don't bring "Moby Dick" as beach-reading. It really, really sucks.

Phonetics

Today I noticed a helpful parenthetic phonetic prunciation on an Rx label (not mine- it was work-related). Next to Diclofenac was written "(DYE-KLOE-FEN-AK)."

I've been puzzzling over such helpful guides a lot lately- I think maybe since Mark wrote about something similar a few months ago. The 'phonetic' hints do nothing but puzzle me, because if I interpreted them the way I was taught I think I would be led very far from the correct pronunciation.

But the first syllable is what most caught my eye. I can't help but wonder if the drug company's advertising department was in any way involved in choosing "DYE" over "DIE."

I put Super Saver on top of my trifecta. I had to. My Derby handicapping ended up with three horses on top- Super Saver, Lookin At Lucky, and Awesome Act. And so of course when I had to toss one to fit my budget, I tossed Super Saver. But I thought even before Derby that he looked like a great Preakness horse.

Then 20 seconds before the race the on-track announcer (Barton?) said Lookin At Lucky appeared healthy and strong, and Super Saver has lost weight since the Derby.
I wish she'd told me that an hour earlier.
_________________________________

While out for a walk with the family on Mother's Day, we spotted Bigfoot. I gave him some beef jerky.





Here's what a gorilla thought of my Derby bet. The Preakness bet was about the same.





Jill cooperated with a nice smile as she stalked the peacock, but the darned bird wouldn't stop to pose.

According to CNN's day-by-day map of the oil slick, on April 30th the Louisiana coast was threatened by a giant sea lion. The threat was averted when BP befriended Godzilla and attained his help in fighting the monster.

I tried to drive around Cherokee and Seneca parks during the rain today, just to see how high the water was.
I figured I wouldn't get very far before I had to turn around due to flooded roads. I was right.


A heron (just left of the big water drop on my lense), next to Beargrass Creek near Seneca GC holes 11 and 12. There are also a few ducks paddling around in the grass right in the middle of the smudge.



Eighth hole at Seneca



Big Rock lower parking lot.

Apparently, I picked the wrong horse.

I didn't think the 4 looked very fast. Guess I was wrong.

Yet again I suffered just about nothing but losses. Derby weekend is really a drag, except for all the fun.

I was bummed about my losses until I remembered two things. Or actually, until I remembered one thing and realized I could not remember another thing.
First, I recalled what I always think to myself when I deposit money in my wagering account. I always remind myself that the deposited money is as good as gone- it's to be listed under 'entertainment expenses' already spent, I have to assume I'll never see it again, and the only things yet to be determined are how much entertainment it is and how long it lasts.
Second, I realized that my last deposit was $150 (raising my account total to about $151 at the time), that even after this weekend I still have about $200 available, and that I had deposited the original $150 so many months ago that I can't even remember exactly when it was.
So it's lasted a good long while, I'm still ahead since that deposit, and the $200 should last me a whole lot longer now that I've weathered the annual Derby fiasco.

And it was still lots of fun.

Derby Picks

After much difficult deliberation (First, my blindfolded dart-throwing never hit the board, but did damage the wall. Then I tried the ouija board but it kept spelling out 'I am Barbaro,' then I tried picking the prettiest horses but they all look great, so finally I just guessed) I have settled on my choice.


The new name that will be appearing on Derby glasses everywhere in 2011 is.....(drumroll please).... Awesome Act.
It was a tough choice- not like other years, when it's easy picking Derby winners- but among my 3 or 4 top candidates his increased chances on a sloppy track ended up tipping the scales.

I have not settled on my exotic wager, but I'm thinking I'll probably just stick to some sort of exacta try as being the most affordable.
Others I will definitely include are: Lookin At Lucky, Mission Impazible, Stately Victor, Jackson Bend, and Ice Box.

Oaks Picks

I'll publish my Derby picks tomorrow night. Tonight, the fillies.

I'll go with Ailalea.

If I were betting a $40 ticket, here's what I'd do:

$2 exacta box Ailalea, Blind Luck, It's Tea Time, and Quiet Temper =$24.
$8 win on Ailalea.
and another $8 win on Quiet Temper.

But I will NOT be betting a $40 ticket. I'll probably just bet $2 across on Alalea. I'll be tempted to throw It's Tea Time into some sort of wager, because the $103 payoff on a $1 exacta she helped win me a few weeks ago still leaves me with warm fuzzy feelings. But I'll resist the urge.

Narrowing the Field

I do not believe I'll settle on my favorite until Friday.

I've cut the field in less than half, though, and if Interactif is entered he may be my favorite.
I've eliminated Conveyance, Dublin, Homeboykris, Line of David, Sidney's Candy, Dean's Kitten, American Lion, Stately Victor, Jackson Bend, Backtalk, Noble's Promise, and Paddy O'Prado. And also Mine That Bird. I still don't think he can win.

Kevin's Churchill Downs Picks For Sunday

(Kevin's Picks will now be a regular feature of this site, appearing every Sunday morning that Kevin happens to be home, awake, moderately bored but unwilling to do anything productive, doesn't feel like watching anything, and has just finished a really good book but has not yet started another.)

Race 1) #1 Geste, 9/5 #3 Harmonizer 3/1
Race 2) #6 Extreme Warrior 5/2
Race 3) #6 Safe Trip 3/1
Race 4) #5 Purrfect Alibi 3/1
Race 5) #3 Five Plus Five 3/1
Race 6) #3 All West, 20/1 #8 Mr Realistic 5/2
Race 7) #6 Glenwood Canyon 5/1
Race 8) #9 Bravo Whiskey, 4/1 #8 Cherokee Speed 3/1
Race 9) #2 Brezing Rain 5/1
Race 10) #8 Libel and Slander 7/2



Today's Guarantee: It's your funeral.

Late night update: two winners, two scratches. Eight $2 win bets ($16) would have returned $14.80. Boo.

Visit Kevin's Blog For These Up-to-the-Minute Derby Headlines

Expert Derby Handicapper

I spent a few minutes this evening looking at Derby horses. I also opened my file folder titled "2009derbyhandicapping."
It was a neat little spreadsheet I devised to handicap the race; I wrote a comment or two about each horse, and used multiple columns to forecast positions at each quarter to help determine a race scenario.
It was brilliant. Especially my comment about the eventual winner, Mine That Bird:

"No freaking way. Not even in any other race on Derby Day."

Still, I used the same method in 2008 and picked Big Brown, so I guess I'll try to make it 2 out of 3 this year.

(And yes, it did actually say 'freaking.' Though a different word may have crossed my mind after the race.)

Also, the 2010 Derby winner is shown in one of the five photographs at the top. Probably. I just don't know which one it is.

Two Annoying Topics of Vastly Different Importance, Neither of Which I Can Do Anything About

except complain.

1) Motorists
a) Does anyone anywhere know the difference between a solid white line and a dotted white line, or what the difference means? I do, but I apparently am among the few, because I see plenty of folks crossing those solid white lines to change lanes every day, especially on S. Hurstbourne, on Dutchmans Lane, and Blankenbaker just off I-64.
b) Even more frustrating is the number of people at the Taylorsville Rd/Bardstown Rd intersection who do not know what the big 'NO LEFT TURN' sign means. That one shouldn't be tricky to figure out at all.

2) I was listening to a discussion on NPR today about estate taxes. This topic always annoys me because I generally agree with both sides. It's one of those problems that I believe will never have an adequate solution, and that bugs me.
a) I completely disagree with the term 'death tax.' The dead person isn't being taxed. They are dead. The person getting the inheritance is being taxed. They are not dead. So it's not a death tax.
b) But I do see plenty of value in being able to leave an inheritance, and I see what a bummer it is (or will be, if the estate tax is resumed) to see the government take such a huge chunk of that inheritance. And I recognize the problem of being assessed a real amount of cash tax on an inheritance that can be largely theoretical or tied up in a business that loses its value if liquidated to pay the tax.
c) But I am strongly opposed to vast amounts of inherited wealth. I'm anti-oligarchy and anti-royalty, whether real or de facto. It's un-American (in theory, but definitely not in practice).

The perfect solution would be a society with no estate tax but in which vast wealth was voluntarily and happily bequeathed to worthy charities rather than worthless Paris Hiltons, but that just isn't going to happen. So I think estate taxes are currently the best rotten solution.

Show Betting

To stick with today's Derby theme (two weeks!), I did some show betting today, just to see how it would work out.

I usually do okay betting horses. When I'm losing it's a sustainable amount that doesn't exceed the entertainment value I'm getting out of it, and sometimes I even win.

But Derby Day is the constant exception to the rule. I lose a lot every Derby. I lose because I bet every stinking race just because it seems like the thing to do that day.
The rest of the year I look at a few races every now and then, and if I find something I like I bet it. If I find nothing I like, I stay away. It works out much better. (makes me a better bettor. ha ha)
In fact, a couple of weeks ago I pulled up my on-line betting history for the last year. Factoring in my at-track bets, I'm about $200 ahead for the 12-month period.
But it would be $500 if it wasn't for the few days I bet almost every race on a track's card (Derby Day and trips to the track)- on those days I'm about $300 behind.

So I'm considering all show bets this Derby day to stay conservative and still have a rooting interest.
Thinking about that this morning, I decided to make a few show wagers today.

I came out slightly ahead, but I would have been slightly more ahead if they'd all been win wagers. Still, it seems like a decent way to minimize the danger and still have a rooting interest in every race Derby day.

Next time I go to the track I think I might even try to talk whoever I'm with into pooling a couple dollars each for a show parlay. It seems like it could be fun.

Top 10 Sounds Like A Derby Winner, But Is Something Else Entirely

Fleetwood Mac (Jockey Stevie Nicks)
Deliverance (owned by Jon Voight)
Waylon Jennings (bred in Luckenback, TX)
Omar Sharif (owned by Lawrence of Arabia)
Evita (bred in Argentina)
Barack Obama (darn. I've got nothing for this)
Wells Fargo (coming up blank here, too)
Candide (sired by Voltaire)
Sergeant York (trained by Walter Brennan)
Cinnabon (Pillsbury Farm)

Something I Learned Today, Episode III (The Windy Menace)

Today's "Something I Learned Today" was inspired by "Science Friday," which featured an interesting discussion about tornadoes.

They mentioned the Tri-State Tornado of March 18,1925. I read more this evening.


The deadliest tornado in U.S. history, it traveled somewhere in the range of 200-230 miles (estimates vary)through Missouri, Illinois, and Indiana.

Also, I think The Tri-State Tornado would be a great name for a wrestler.

I can't understand why the Indianapolis Star had to apologize for putting horns and a beard on Coach K, especially in blue ink. He coaches the Blue Devils. Why would he be upset to be drawn as a Blue Devil? What's the big deal? Plus, he does look a lot like the mascot anyway.

Oh, and yes, the poem below is a palindrome. I was impressed, though I guess no one else was. I've tried to create some palindromes in the past and I can't get anything longer than 5 or 6 words.

I have used two or three Demetri Martin quotes atop this page. Looking at a few others I came across this poem he wrote. Anyone notice anything special about it?

"Dammit I'm Mad"


Dammit I’m mad.
Evil is a deed as I live.
God, am I reviled? I rise, my bed on a sun, I melt.
To be not one man emanating is sad. I piss.
Alas, it is so late. Who stops to help?
Man, it is hot. I’m in it. I tell.
I am not a devil. I level “Mad Dog”.
Ah, say burning is, as a deified gulp,
In my halo of a mired rum tin.
I erase many men. Oh, to be man, a sin.
Is evil in a clam? In a trap?
No. It is open. On it I was stuck.
Rats peed on hope. Elsewhere dips a web.
Be still if I fill its ebb.
Ew, a spider… eh?
We sleep. Oh no!
Deep, stark cuts saw it in one position.
Part animal, can I live? Sin is a name.
Both, one… my names are in it.
Murder? I’m a fool.
A hymn I plug, deified as a sign in ruby ash,
A Goddam level I lived at.
On mail let it in. I’m it.
Oh, sit in ample hot spots. Oh wet!
A loss it is alas (sip). I’d assign it a name.
Name not one bottle minus an ode by me:
“Sir, I deliver. I’m a dog”
Evil is a deed as I live.
Dammit I’m mad.

Hint: if you haven't figured it out yet, perhaps you should look at it again, but this time start from this end.

100% Guaranteed Sporting Predictions*

A big day in basketball and horse racing, so here are my picks.


1) Butler over Michigan State. This is really a shot in the dark. These are two very evenly-matched teams and I expect a close game. So close that I wrote "Butler over Michigan State, deleted and reversed it, and then deleted and reversed it again. I am that confident.
2) Duke over West Virginia. The 1-3-1 will not work against Duke. 1-3-1 zones in general are just lousy. It might work sometimes, but usually only because the defenders are better than their opponents, in which case man-to-man and 2-3 also work, so it doesn't matter what style the defense chooses. Or they work against teams like Kentucky that don't pass crisply in their half-court offense and don't shoot well. Neither is a fault of Duke's.

3) Wood Memorial: Eskendereya is my likely winner. No value there, but his 3/5 win ticket will pay more than the losers- one of which will probably be me, because I'll try to beat him with Awesome Act.

4) Illinois Derby: Yawanna Twist is my tepid favorite.

5) Santa Anita Derby: I like Alphie's Bet, again tepidly. I think I'll do a 4-horse exacta box in this one with Alphie's Bet, Setsuko, Lookin At Lucky, and Caracortado.

*Guarantee void if predictions incorrect
_________________________________________
6:15 pm Saturday update:
I really should have published my Ashland Stakes picks. Thanks to Evening Jewel and It's Tea Time my exacta wager paid handsomely. I also neglected to change my blog picks on the Santa Anita Derby. But when I bet I threw out Caracortado and added Sidney's Candy in my exacta. That worked out okay, too.

Three Dumb Things

1)Rep. Hank Johnson of Georgia certainly gives me confidence that our government can solve the big issues of the day. I am glad he has a full grasp of the issues at hand. I just watched the video of his comments about the possibility of Guam capsizing. The only two words I can think of to describe it are 'painfully stupid.' It really hurt to watch someone say something so dumb. And with his illness and slowed speech the build-up to the ignorance kind of reminded me of "The Office."

2)I say 'Good morning' at least a dozen times per day. It's well-established as an customary greeting, and as far as I know "Good morning" as a salutation is intended to mean the greeter wishes the receiver of the greeting to have a good morning. It is not an observation. It does not mean "This certainly is a nice morning, isn't it?"
But every day at least one very unclever person says "Yeah, right. What's so good about it?" or something along those lines.
Someday I'm going to respond "Well f you, too."

3)The economist on "The Diane Rehm Show" today said "Credit is literally our lifeblood."
After 13 hours it still bothers me. Blood is literally our life's blood.
It literally drives me up a wall when people say that.
(Hey, it's dusty up here. I never noticed that from down on the floor.)

Bonus Dumb Thing Number 4: I nominate myself for not being able to figure out how to keep my text together. I fiddled with it a while but the first two words of each of the first two paragraphs are still separated by the pictures.

Interviews with athletes are incredibly dull. They aren't scripted, but they might as well be.
Personally, I don't think I'd be able to resist screwing with the interviewer. I'd like to win a big game just for the chance to do that. Here's how the interview would go if I were the star player of, say, the Butler Bulldogs:

Q: First, congratulations on your trip back home to Indianapolis for the Final Four. It must be quite a thrill.
Me: It sucks, really. I mean, I love that we're going to the Final Four, but we live in Indianapolis. Why can't it be in San Antonio this year, or Albuquerque, or some other cool place? Oh, whoopie, we get to go to Indy. We were going there anyway.

Q: When you were slogging through those hard practices back in November did you have any idea you would have such a special season?
Me: Not really. I love these guys, you know, but I didn't think we'd be any good. Seriously, if any of us were any good wouldn't we have gone to Duke or Carolina or Kansas or Kentucky, or some school like that?

Q: Most people doubted you had a chance in this game. But your coach believed in you. How much did that help?
Me: Not much, really. I mean, Coach said we could win, but he sort of has to say stuff like that. I figured we'd get killed.

Q: Your center got in early foul trouble last night. How worried were you when he went out?
Me: Very. I was very worried. Have you seen our backup center?
He sucks.

Q: You were trailing by five late in the game. Did you think you had a shot then?
Me: No.

Q: What was going through your mind before you hit that big shot to win the game?
Me: I was wondering if my girlfriend missed me, or if she was cheating on me while I was out of town. I don't really trust her. But I figured we'd already made it to the regional finals, which is cool, so when I get back to Indy I'm gonna get a new girlfriend anyway. Sort of a BMOC upgrade, you know?
__________________________________
I would also like to be a local field reporter during a winter storm watch.

What's it like out there, Kevin?

Cold as hell, buddy. I was scheduled to be off tonight, and instead you bozos have got me standing out on a street corner in sub-freezing weather to watch for snow flakes. You do realize most of our viewers have windows, don't you? If they want to see the snow- if it snows- they can just look outside.
You want a report? Okay, I'll give you a report. The ground is dry. There's a car behind me. There it goes around the corner...wait for it, wait for it... oh, it didn't slide or skid at all. You wanna know why? It's not snowing.
Back to you in the studio. Your warm, damn studio with your coffee and your...

_______________________________________
...a little bit more, just because it was fun.
"Yeah, going to the Final Four really means a lot to us. But we're especially happy for Coach. I know he wants a higher-paying, higher-profile job in one of the major conferences, and now I'm sure he'll get it. In fact, I'd be shocked if he was still our coach this time next month."
and
"Hell yes we're just happy to be there. I don't figure we have much of a chance next week, but I bet there's all kinds of cool swag. I need a new iPod."