While the cable news programs have adequately covered (I'm guessing. I don't have cable) the retrospective reflections upon those important folk who, in this great year of two thousand and ten, kicked the proverbial bucket, it appears this humble blogger must step in and fill a shameful void by covering the year's births.
We turned to our in-house seer to provide the goods. So without further ado, here is your year in newborns:
January 4) Anna Nicole Nicole. Teen pop sensation will win multiple Grammies and set numerous sales records before falling into obscurity after 2028. Will star in a short-lived sit com in 2047.
January 11) John Wayne Soterman. Notorious mass murderer will kill 19 people and injure 17 others before shooting himself. Related side note: if you happen to be living in Ft. Worth in the year 2041, April 8 is not a good day to go shoe shopping.
February 13) Barack Obama Sinclair. 58th president of the United States, will be known chiefly for his controversial decision to permanently end U.S. involvement in the war in Afghanistan.
April 21) Meng Lau Yow. Developer of orally-administered cancer cure. Cure will first be marketed in 2047. Unfortunately, no one will be able to afford it.
May 3) Artimus 'Happy' Henderman. Star of the successful "Happy" series of movies, including "Happy Joins A Cult" and "Happy and the Hand Grenade."
July 31) Greta Senata. In the year 2043 becomes the first woman to swim from Poughkeepsie to Boston. Dozens of previous attempts, each of course tried after global warming and rising sea levels made the feat possible, all ended in failure.
August 11) General Juan Miguel Santos. Famed drug lord, supreme president (El Presidente Supremo) of Mexico and the New Mexico, Arizona, and Southern California territories. China will send troops to stabilize the region in 2054, but will not succeed in overthrowing Santos until his death in 2067.
September 30) Liam Anderson. In the year 2068, Anderson will conclusively prove either the existence or the non-existence of God. But we won't spoil the surprise!
Some other famous people were born October thru December, but my dinner is ready so I guess you'll just have to wait and see.
2 comments:
Dang....I wish you didn't have to quit. I don't plan on being around for most of these events so it's nice to know what's going to happen.
Thanks, of seer into the future, for letting me know what I'll be missing. Can't figure out why this hasn't been covered on Morning Joe.
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