Yep, she'll be hanging spoons from her nose in no time.

Please help me update my email address book

For the last year I've had two email addresses- my old one based at my previous address with Lena, and the one from my current account.

I let time run out without giving everyone my updated address, and without importing my address book to my 'new' email.

Now I can't access the old email. I don't want to just put my email on my blog because I'm afraid it will lead to unwanted consequences, but if you had my old address, just add the number "1" before '@' and you have my new email.

Please send me an email to that address so that I'll have your address, too.


I tried to keep the old email by just adding it as an additional email under my account, but right now that address is apparently in limbo- I'm locked out like it no longer exists, but when I try to add it it's already in use. I suppose someone could have grabbed it already, but it seems unlikely in the last 24 hours.

Of course, all of this might not matter because I might switch servers soon. If I do so then I'll do my best to provide everyone with the new info.

And finally, I read this headline when I logged on tonight: "Suspect in 'Santa' shootings kills self". It's an absolutely horrible story, but I have to note my Christmas Freudian mind slip. When I first read I thought it said Suspect in Santa shootings kills elf.

Abe Vigoda Poll

My Abe Vigoda poll attracted a whopping 7 votes. I am happy to report that Mr. Fish, alias Sal Tessio, is still hanging around, as 57% of the voters guessed.
So that's that. I was just playing with available blog features anyway.

One more

Some sports twins for Brian

Larry Bowa says "You mean, let me understand this, 'cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little ******ed up maybe, but I'm funny how? I mean funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to ****in' amuse you? What do you mean funny? Funny how? How am I funny?"



Heisman winner Rufio Bradford:


Joakim Noah sings...

I know. They don't look much alike. But the pose sells it for me.

Lou Piniella's Deliverance. "He's got a real pretty mouth on him, don't he?"

Perhaps I'm mistaken, but I believe at least one of these is in very poor taste.
But I feel it's my duty to live up to the "secular assault on Christmas" reputation.

Youtube videos/ Creation of the Universe

When I put up the Steve Martin video (very funny) I was fascinated by the two companion videos that the keywords pulled up. I watched video #2 and still can't figure out what the heck it was.
But that one still makes more sense than video #3. Merry Christmas, Brian! I should just pretend I posted it as a gift to you. In fact, it's much funnier than the Steve Martin thing. I should just dump that one.

While watching that video I gave some more thought to the whole idea of creationism. I then decided that the universe is in fact about 37 1/2 years old. It sprung into existence at the same time as me.

Oh sure, you might come up with so-called 'witnesses' who claim to be older than me and who saw the world more than 37 1/2 years ago. Such scoffers claim there are even books, movies, art work, and architectural structures that were created more than 37 1/2 years ago. But all this supposed 'evidence' is simply the devil's work; traps to trick the non-believers, false memories to trick the unwary.

That 1963 penny I found the other day? Planted by God.
Why?
Ours is not to wonder why. But perhaps He was just trying to make me feel more at home. He was worried that if the world looked too new, I'd be afraid to scuff it up.

Madoff

I read the guy's name in a dozen articles before I heard it pronounced on NPR this morning. Now that I know the pronunciation I can't believe none of the articles were titled "Madoff Made Off With Billions."

So I plugged that exact phrase into Google and found that some articles (just not the ones I read) were in fact titled just that. I guess I don't have to give up faith in headline writers.

I also can't stop worrying about all the 401ks in this country. I won't lose sleep over my own- it's simply not enough money to fret over- but until now I honestly didn't worry that much about retirement fund crooks. Mismanagement, stupidity, stuff like that, sure, but not fraud.

But Madoff apparently swindled some fairly wise investors, and he seems to have done it with ease for quite a long time. It makes me wonder how much of the rest of our money is invested in smoke and mirrors. It might be a small percentage, but I bet the sum total is substantial.

Stale foods

I see that Brian has posted Big Boy, and Mark is talking about muffins and cupcakes, and Dad reports the death of the Doughboy. Must be holiday munchies, because I also have a food-related topic in mind.

For some reason, I found myself wondering why some foods get harder when stale, and others softer. Once reading it, the answer seemed obvious. But science has never been one of my strengths.

In case anyone who reads this is as ignorant as me, here is a brief explanation.

Softer foods generally start out with more moisture than the surrounding air, and so lose this moisture and harden over time. Hard foods are less moist than the surrounding air and so gain moisture over time and get softer.

Yep, I know. I should have been able to figure that out on my own. But what's the point of paying for internet access if I still have to think for myself?

And Mark, I researched your question, too, and as it turns out there are some fairly detailed descriptions of the difference. But this one seems adequate: "If you threw a cupcake against the wall, you would hear something of a "poof!" If you threw a muffin, you would hear a "thud!"


That was from http://www.englishforums.com/English/CupcakesAndMuffins/ghvm/post.htm

I also created this helpful side-by side comparison.

I do believe that if you threw Joanie Cunningham against a wall she would also 'thud'.

If I am correctly following the news reports, the automotive bailout talks are going something like this.

Big 3: We need $25 billion to stay in business.
Government: No way, dude! There's not a chance you're getting that money.
Big 3: We now need $34 billion to stay in business.
Government: Okay, maybe we can give you $15 billion.

The logic, or lack of logic, of all this just blows me away. I don't know what the government should or shouldn't do- macroeconomics isn't my strong suit- but this just doesn't make any sense.

The automakers have basically said they need $34 billion to stay in business. So wouldn't giving them $15 billion be pretty much a waste? Wouldn't it result in $15 billion lost along with the car manufacturers?

It seems to me as if it would be like using a 20-ft. rope to rescue someone trapped in a 40-ft. well. Except that we're throwing the entire rope down the well rather than just dangling it over the side.

If that strategy ends up working, though, I might try it myself.

Me: Give me a 50% pay raise or I quit.
Boss: Get lost.
Me: Okay then. Give me a 100% pay raise or I quit.
Boss: How about a 25% pay raise?

Tuesday update. According to today's newspaper, UK is a 2 1/2 point underdog. That's more like it. But I double-checked the website I used, and they do indeed have UK as a 2 1/2 point favorite, so I didn't read it wrong.

East Carolina

I just did some superficial scouting of Kentucky's Liberty Bowl opponent. Here are my initial thoughts.

First, East Carolina must be located somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean. And as an aside, I suppose West Carolina is somewhere in Tennessee.

I am very happy to report that the Pirates do NOT have a running quarterback. That's always good news. They haven't put up very high point totals- but neither had Tennessee or Vandy before they played UK.

No opponents in common with the Cats, so no help there. But they did crush West Virginia and Memphis, so they must be a lot better than Louisville.

I believe the Kentucky defense that showed up against Louisville, Alabama, and large chunks of the first 7 games can handle East Carolina's offense. A lesser performance is trouble.

The Kentucky offense that showed up in, well, ummmm... Did the Kentucky offense ever show up?

I may make a score prediction closer to game-time. For now I'll settle for a point-spread prediction. I'd say East Carolina will be favored by 5 1/2.

________
Two minutes later- It occurred to me that there is probably a spread available already, so I looked. Vegasinsider.com says UK is a 2 1/2 point favorite. I still think it will float closer to my line. But looking at the initial line I suppose it will probably not drift back to more than about even.
The over/under is 42. My initial impulse would be to take the under.
_________

How Not To Spend A Saturday

or
How To Get A Free Oil Change

I got up way too early for a Saturday, and went to work until 1:00. While working, I comforted myself with the knowledge that overtime pay is nice for Christmas shopping.

I left just as the roads were getting nasty. Well, not nasty, really. But the other idiots on the road couldn't seem to find the right speed for the weather. For example, The 50 mph speed limit section of Taylorsville Rd. could easily be traversed at 45 mph, but 1/3 of the other drivers were doing 25 mph and the rest were doing 55-60. I believe that is an unsafe combination.

I went that way instead of the expressway because I needed to stop for an oil change. I went to the Valvoline at Breckenridge/Taylorsville.

I pulled into the bay at about 1:25. The oil change took longer than usual; by the time they were done I was a little nervous because the guy under the car had been banging around a little too much and I sensed some uncertainty. It was about 2 o'clock when they finished.

Intending to go to KFC on the corner, I pulled out and crossed Taylorsville Rd. If you are familiar with the area, you know it's tricky to cross those 6 lanes quickly.

It's especially tricky when your engine revs a lot but your transmission doesn't seem to want to shift gears. I made it across without being killed, pulled into the Kmart lot and drove around a little, stopping and starting a lot to test it. There was definitely a problem.

So I again negotiated the suicidal crossing and returned to Valvoline.


I told the first guy "I've had no performance problems at all from this car for 4 years. But after an oil change here it now runs like shit."

Then I told the manager it seemed like the transmission but that I'd never had a problem with it until now.

Another hour wait while they fixed their mistakes. Turns out they'd completely drained my transmission fluid, which was checked 'ok' on the nifty little sheet they gave me after the oil change. And they'd also overfilled my oil by about 3 quarts.

Net result was a lot of hassle, hopefully no permanent damage to the car, and a free oil change. The car is running fine now.

Fun

I lucked in to checking the kentuckysportsradio blog during their live blog of the Louisville game. What fun! This blog has always been entertaining, but it has gotten a lot better since they were kicked off the radio and don't need to deal with little things like scruples.

39G.010 Kentucky Office of Homeland Security executive director -- Duties --
Delegation of duties -- Notification of disaster or emergency.
(1)
The Kentucky Office of Homeland Security shall be attached to the Office of the
Governor and shall be headed by an executive director appointed by the Governor.
(2)
The executive director shall:
(a) Publicize the findings of the General Assembly stressing the dependence on
Almighty God as being vital to the security of the Commonwealth BY INCLUDING THE PROVISIONS OF KRS 39A.285(3) IN ITS AGENCY TRAINING AND EDUCATIONAL MATERIALS. The executive director shall also be responsible for
prominently displaying a permanent plaque at the entrance to the state's
Emergency Operations Center stating the text of KRS 39A.285(3);

That's the first duty of the executive director of the Kentucky Office of Homeland Security.

and KRS 39A.285 (3)? Here it is:

The General Assembly hereby finds that:
(1) No government by itself can guarantee perfect security from acts of war or
terrorism.
(2) The security and well-being of the public depend not just on government, but rest in
large measure upon individual citizens of the Commonwealth and their level of
understanding, preparation, and vigilance.
(3) The safety and security of the Commonwealth cannot be achieved apart from
reliance upon Almighty God as set forth in the public speeches and proclamations
of American Presidents, including Abraham Lincoln's historic March 30, 1863,
Presidential Proclamation urging Americans to pray and fast during one of the most
dangerous hours in American history, and the text of President John F. Kennedy's
November 22, 1963, national security speech which concluded: "For as was written
long ago: 'Except the Lord keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain.' "
Effective: March 28, 2002
History: Created 2002 Ky. Acts ch. 82, sec. 2, effective March 28, 2002.

This text- this Kentucky state law- says the Commonwealth of Kentucky is not safe from terrorism and war unless I believe in God.
For a few days every year, when it's time to renew my ACLU membership, I think to myself "Is it worth it? Don't I have better uses for this money?" Now I have my answer. I'll just look at this Kentucky state law, and then I'll write the check. And include a little extra.

______________________

7 pm addition. Surfing for news about the ACLU case against the state (thank God for the ACLU, ha ha!), I found a conversation on Snopes with some great comments, like:
"Surely if God was responsible for securing the state, there would be no need for such a department at all."
and
"How would this even work? It would be like Rod and Tod Flanders on a grander level. "Thank you God for sending Homeland Security Officers to protect us from the disaster... that you also sent.""

Zoo

Fossil fuels. Cool.

Thanks for the link, Brian.

Nice coincidence that tonight's "Simpsons" was the one with the Bible stories. I liked Homer's line in the Garden of Eden. "You're pretty uptight for a naked chick."

The Day Keanu Stood Still

Ads for "The Day The Earth Stood Still" have been airing at every commercial break for a few days now.

Each time I see the ad, I imagine the director as he gets the brainstorm to cast Keanu Reeves.

"Hmmm...who can I get, who can I get? Who can I find that can recite lines that are utterly devoid of any inflection or emotion? Darn. That's a toughy. This is crucial, too. He really has to act robotic. And not 'Star Wars' robotic. No sly hidden personality. This guy's gotta show nothing. Nothing at all. Kevin Costner's too old. And really, even he might not be capable of this. I mean, he really has to be dead up there. Any sign of life will really blow it. Whoever gets this role has to be capable of--wait! I've got it! Keanu Reeves."
_________________________________________________________________

And to stick with my entertainment theme, I'll make my first non-sports prediction. (Okay, I remember I said McCain would win the election. How was I to know his campaign slogan would be "I'm a very unlikeable guy, so vote for me!" And I think I should get credit for pinpointing the exact moment that McCain lost the election, as no one else has done so.)

Anyway. "My Own Worst Enemy" has been canceled by NBC. My prediction is that it will be an very popular DVD set. It's a darned good show. I don't know how many episodes it has left, but I can see an 8 or 12 episode series selling at a pretty good rate. In fact, I suspect that might be why it wasn't yanked immediately.