ANOTHER OIL SLICK MONSTER SPOTTED

According to CNN's day-by-day map, this monstrous whale was spotted near the Louisiana coast May 20th.
It was hoped that Godzilla, who was previously utilized to fend off the giant sea lion, would be on hand to fight the leviathan. However, Louisiana officials say Godzilla was only employed to put on a 'dog-and-pony show,' and that BP sent Godzilla home as soon as federal officials left the area.
Memorial Weekend vacationers are being warned to take appropriate precautions. Those planning to visit Pensacola, FL are asked to be on especially high alert, as the whale appears headed in their direction.

Going to the Gulf Coast anyway? Here are some helpful tips for your safety:
*If overweight, avoid going in the water. The whale may be feeling amorous. (Not sure if you are overweight? Here's a good rule of thumb: Do you have a Social Security Number? If the answer is 'YES' then you are probably overweight.)
*Avoid wearing or displaying Sea World merchandise.
*Don't dress like krill or exhibit any krill-like behavior.
*Don't bring "Moby Dick" as beach-reading. It really, really sucks.