I found this posting on Craigslist.

Quarterback Needed (University of Kentucky)

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Reply to: job-875441452@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-10-11, 4:25PM EDT



How would you feel playing in front of no less than 70,000 fans every SATURDAY? Wednesday through Fridays are booked for Louisville games. The University of Kentucky is now accepting applications for the quarterback position. All you have to do is complete passes longer than 3 yards so that UK is capable of winning a conference football game this year. We prefer a passer capable of throwing a pass that can't be referred to as a "duck." We would also prefer someone that has at least middle school playing experience.

Please send video to offensive coordinator Joker Phillips.




Location: University of Kentucky
Compensation: The chance to play at a BCS school, and throw to wide receivers who have a 50/50 chance of catching the football.
This is a part-time job.
OK to highlight this job opening for persons with disabilities
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
PostingID: 875441452

Mail Goggles

According to http://arstechnica.com/news.ars/post/20081007-mail-goggles-a-breathlyzer-test-for-your-gmail.html, Gmail has a new feature to protect against the email equivalent of drunk dialing.

Called "Mail Goggles," the Gmail add-on makes sending e-mail from Gmail more difficult during certain times that you can set manually (while sober, that is). How does it do this? If you have Mail Goggles installed—which you can do by going to the "Labs" tab under your Gmail settings and turning them on—it will force you to answer a series of math questions before sending out any new messages.

If you get the math questions wrong, or take too long, you receive a message telling you to go to bed, and your email is saved until a sober decision can be made.

Some historical perspective for depressed UK fans

On October 14, 2006, Andre Woodson was 14 of 37 for 151 yards with no touchdowns and one interception against LSU. His pass catchers that game included Keenan Burton, Jacob Tamme, and Dicky Lyons.

oops

Anyone who made wagers based on my predictions is advised to contact your nearest federal government for an emergency bailout.

4 South Carolina turnovers.
4 missed South Carolina field goals.

1 more South Carolina win over Kentucky.

I promise that this season I will never again say "this might be the game Kentucky shows some life on offense." Watching Mike Hartline play QB is like watching Michael Porter play point guard. Painful.
I knew the Wildcats were in trouble when they came up empty after the third turnover. A 7-7 tie after three SC turnovers was not a good sign. And then the only reliable receiver gets hurt.
I figured out that the only way to watch a UK on offense is to close my eyes and hope for the best. It looks like that's what the players on the field do, too.

Two for 16 on third down conversions won't win anything. Six yards per completion won't either, unless you complete about 85%. Less than three yards per carry hurts a little as well. How did Kentucky get 17 points?

When I saw Lorenzen and Abney on the sideline I was praying for someone to sneak them into uniforms.

My one positive comment: that interception and TD by Lindley was one of the sweetest interceptions I've ever seen.

Game prediction

Gamblers take note: I have a perfect lifetime record (for the life of this blog, anyway) predicting both winners and point spread winners. I'm 2-0 on both counts.

I don't imagine my record will stay perfect forever, but I expect it will stay pretty good- mostly because I'll avoid making picks on a lot of games.

Not this one, however.

The current line on the UK-South Carolina game has the Gamecocks a 2 1/2 point favorite. Ridiculous.

The argument is supposedly that Kentucky hasn't played anyone, other than their loss at Alabama.

My argument is that the Wildcats have handled the cupcakes exactly as they are supposed to. Take away a rough first quarter at 'Bama (and I have no problem doing so, because I can forgive a team with a new QB and green skill position players for being temporarily shell shocked in their first SEC road game) and Kentucky has outscored their opponents 140-25 in 19 quarters. That seems okay to me.

South Carolina only beat Wofford (owners of a nice 38-37 OT win over Georgia Southern) by 10. They only beat UAB (1 and 6 record) by 13. They crushed NC State way back in August. Since then, their points-scored vs. points-allowed is mediocre, at best.

Even the Gamecock cheerleaders are supporting the Cats.

political football and regular football

My abridgement was still rather long. I'm going to try again next week. I think I'll be able to simplify it even further. I wish I could do hand puppets on this blog, that would be cool. Maybe I'll make a hand puppet debate video, or something.

The project helped me focus, though. I normally zone out for a few five-minute stretches while watching stuff like that- or else change the channel to find out the score of a ballgame and forget to switch it back.

____________

Kentucky's a 1-point favorite over South Carolina.

I'd bet big on Kentucky. Almost all the injured players are back. Kentucky's sitting on a big game.

Everyone seems to think Kentucky made a good showing against Alabama. They actually played better against Middle Tennessee, which was a victory, but is still the game that has kept Kentucky out of the top 25 so far.

The presidential debate: abridged version

I watched and transcribed the entire debate tonight. More or less. This is the gist of what was said:

Key:
O = Obama
M= McCain

Economy
O: The economy sucks. It’s George Bush’s fault. And John McCain’s. I’ll fix it.
And I’m presidential.
M: The economy sucks. I’ll fix it. And I’m a nice guy. Plus I’m hip. I know about eBay.
O: My opponent is old and out of touch.
M: I care about the middle class. But until last month, I though Fannie and Freddy were the Flintstones.
O: It’s all John McCain’s fault. But I won’t point fingers. I thought Halle Berry was hot in “The Flinstones” movie. That Rosie chick stunk, though. But she’ll vote for me.
O: I’m going to give you everything you want and it’s not going to cost you a dime. my opponent is erratic.
M: I’m a maverick. He’s a communist.
M: I can reach across the aisle and work with Democrats. But Democrats suck.
O: Your paycheck is too small and you spend too much on gas. I’ll fix it. Plus I mentioned Kennedy. Everybody loves him.
M: I’m going to eliminate all government spending that doesn’t directly benefit you.
I’m more patriotic that Barack Hussein Obama.
O: All Americans will have to make sacrifices. (wink, wink. Just kidding. I’m going to make rich people pay!)
M: I knew Herbert Hoover. You, sir, are no Herbert Hoover.
O: I’ll give you anything you want.
M: I know how to fix Social Security. I’ll form a committee. That always works.
M: He’ll raise your taxes.
M: He’ll raise your taxes.
M: He’ll raise your taxes.
M: He’ll raise your taxes. I’m a veteran. I’m patriotic.

Healthcare
O: I know about computers. I’m young. Not too young though. Just young enough.
M: I’m a maverick. I’ve been in the Senate since 1846 but I’m an outsider.
O: I’m going to fix health care. My opponent favors leeches and ether.
M: I’m not out of touch. To prove it, I’ll throw in another gratuitous internet reference. By the way, Big Government is bad. That’s why I want to lead Big Government.
O: McCain just screwed up. I can’t wait to answer this question….HEALTHCARE IS A RIGHT!!! Duh.
And insurance companies are evil. God, this is like shooting fish in a barrel.

Important breaking news… at this point John McCain lost the presidential election by acting like a total ass and blurting out “Did we hear the size of the fine?” in reference to his accusation that Obama will fine small businesses. True, not true, doesn’t matter. If Al Gore’s sighs annoyed viewers in 2000, then that little outburst just cost McCain at least 100,000 voters.

Foreign Policy
M: I’m patriotic and wise. But not old. Wise and hip. Not that I have a bad hip.
O: I’m patriotic, too. And I care. And I’m young. Not too young, though. Young and presidential.
M: I’m tough and wise. If I lose, I’m going to do Viagra ads like Bob Dole.
O: I’m wise and tough. John and I should make a Reese’s peanut butter cup commercial.
M: You, sir, are also no Teddy Roosevelt. I knew him, too.
O: Why do you keep talking about carrying a big stick? Are you doing Viagra commercials already?
M: You’re a jerk.
O: You’re a geezer.
M: You’re a communist.
O: You’re senile
M: Oh, go to hell, you …whoops- I think I just wet myself.
O: Hah.
M: My opponent is soft on terrorism, soft on rogue nations, soft on..
O: That’s a lot of references to ‘soft’ The Viagra must be wearing off.
M: I’m going to start World War III by bombing Russia. Don’t worry, though, you’ll all die so fast there will be no need to re-institute the draft.
O: Everything is McCain’s fault. I will fix it.

QUESTION: Yes or no, is Russia an evil empire?
O: How dumb do you think I am?
M: How dumb do you think I am?

M: Iran is evil. I’m tough. I want the Jewish vote.
O: Iran is evil. I’m tough, too. I also want the Jewish vote.

IN CLOSING:
O: Change, change, change, change.
M: I'm a veteran.