I'm Prepared

I had no trick-or-treaters last year and expect none this year. I assume nobody bothers knocking on the door of my cheap little apartment because all the much nicer houses nearby look like they'd have a lot better candy.

I like to be prepared, though. Therefore, I just took an inventory of my available treats. If any lucky children come to my door, here is what I can give:

-Claritin
-Halls cough drops
-fruit-flavored antacids

If I run out of over-the-counter medicinal items I suppose I can also hand out my "Mr. Boston Bartenders's Guide." After all, I haven't mixed a drink in several years.
I can also part with my used copy of "Ethics Without God." It's a pretty good read and may set some kid straight. I also have TWO copies of "Moby Dick," both of which would make good treats.
And if all that is not enough, there are a few old text books that I have intended to take to "Half-Price Books" for a while now. So some lucky little Harry Potter, SpongeBob, or Hannah Montana could walk away with either "A History of Civilizations" or "Classical Mythology" in their goody bag. I might even throw in "The Charterhouse of Parma."