Time to launch my dirty tricks campaign

First, I want everyone to know that I have nothing particular against Senator McCain. I admire him for his service to the country and think that he would probably be the best Republican president of my lifetime if elected. But I greatly prefer the other guy.

The following, therefore, is firmly intended to be tongue-in-cheek. I just wanted to see if I could succeed at Karl Rove-style politics.

Thus, as an intellectual exercise, I dug up and spun the following facts about John McCain:

Fact 1: John McCain was born in Panama.

I don’t know about you, but I don’t care for the idea of a president of the good old U S of A who’s beholden to Panamanian interests.

After all, Panama’s a good neighbor of Venezuela . Do you really want a president who is practically under the thumb of Hugo Chavez?

Fact 2: John McCain has a history of groping, hugging, and squeezing teenage boys. He has been known to become violent with them.

He claims that this is completely above-board, that all of these incidents took place while he was a member of his high school’s wrestling team, but I’ll leave it to you to decide.

Fact 3: As a naval pilot, before he even got to Vietnam, he crashed two planes and flew another into power lines.

I frankly don’t know what, if anything, this means, but I do find it a little disturbing.

Fact 4: While a “prisoner” in Vietnam, McCain was housed in the Hanoi Hilton.

The Hiltons I’ve stayed at have been very posh. It seems that having an admiral for a father can be very helpful.

Fact 5: The North Vietnamese offered to send McCain home in 1968, but he stayed until 1973.

As I said before, very posh.

Fact 6: McCain divorced his first wife in February of 1980 and married another in May of that year. Make of it what you will.

Fact 7: John McCain was one of the Keating Five. And in case you didn’t know, that was NOT a pop vocal group

And

John McCain quotes:

“By 2008, I think I might be ready to go down to the old soldiers home and await the cavalry charge there.”

“I believe that the success [in Iraq] will be fairly easy.”

“I'm going to be honest: I know a lot less about economics than I do about military and foreign policy issues. I still need to be educated.”

“Know that old Beach Boys song Bomb Iran? Bomb, bomb bomb…”