God did it.

A post addressed to all you poor, misguided souls who believe your great-great-great etc grandpapa is Bobo the chimp. I wish to save you from yourselves, and so I have gathered some persuasive arguments to help convert you. By the time I‘m done, you‘ll want to get on your knees and pray for your white, old, grey-bearded God’s forgiveness. (Hmmm… ever wonder why an omnipotent being would CHOOSE to be a senior citizen? I mean, I know some seniors who live great lives, but if you had all the time you wanted, everything you needed, wouldn‘t you rather have a 20-year old body? Oh well, He moves in mysterious ways…)

You can be good people. Unfortunately, you’ve been brainwashed by a massive campaign to turn you into monkey-descend freaks.

From Christiancourier.com:
“there has been a massive campaign to flood the “intellectual market” with evolutionary propaganda. Though such ideas by no means originated with Darwin, he popularized evolution more than anyone else. His book sold out (1,025 copies) the first day of its release.”

Wow. 1025 copies. That’s nearly a million, if you go by the same math that made Noah 500+ years old. And I do, because Bible-math is God’s math. So 1025 copies means almost everyone in the world must have been persuaded by Darwin’ s theory. It’s a good thing a couple of dozen brave souls held on to the truth.

If that was not enough, The Scopes trial,
“the first ever to be broadcast on radio, brought national attention to the issue of creation vs. evolution. As a result of that encounter, the concept of creationism was cast into an unfavorable light, and evolutionary dogma gained considerable respectability, albeit undeserved.”

I guess this must be because the evil, perverted teacher in Tennessee won the trial. News to me, but oh well. God works in mysterious ways…

More from the above-named source:
“Evolution is not a scientific law.
Darwin’s “Theory” is actually an hypothesis that falls quite beyond the pale of the scientific method (observation, experimentation, and verification).”

Because, you see, Darwin spent all his time tanning on the deck of the Beagle. There is not one iota of evidence supporting the claim that any scientist has observed, experimented with, or verified any facts about evolution. And those disease-resistant, nearly-seedless, extra-large watermelons you grow in your garden are the same variety that Noah fed his animals.

“It is hardly necessary, therefore, to yield to the pressures of evolutionary brow-beating. We ought not to be cowed down; we should be more aggressive, demanding that those who affirm their confidence in evolution argue their case logically.”

Yeah, science guys. For once, why don’t you try looking at the situation logically, like we do!


A few questions from http://emporium.turnpike.net/C/cs/quest.htm

Q: “Something from nothing?
The "Big Bang", the most widely accepted theory of the beginning of the universe, states that everything developed from a small dense cloud of subatomic particles and radiation which exploded, forming hydrogen (and some helium) gas. Where did this energy/matter come from? How reasonable is it to assume it came into being from nothing? And even if it did come into being, what would cause it to explode?”

A: Isn’t it much more logical to believe that some omnipotent, bearded gentleman in the sky created everything? And if you wonder who created this gentleman, well, I suppose there was a big bang of some sort…

Question Two concerns the Second Law of Thermodynamics. To save time, I’ll just refer you to Buckle B’s pathetic attempt to justify “science,” and let YOU decide whether my poor, skinny, little brother is facing everlasting Hell-fire for his beliefs.

Okay, I won’t quite skip it. Apparently, there IS increasing order on the earth, according to my expert source. I’m not quite sure what proof he has, because he offers none (I think it has something to do with evolution), but apparently he knocks Brian’s argument into a cocked hat. Take that, you!

Q: “Where are the transitional fossils?
If evolution has taken place our museums should be overflowing with the skeletons of countless transitional forms. Yet after over one hundred years of intense searching only a small number of transitional candidates are touted as proof of evolution. If evolution has really taken place, where are the transitional forms? And why does the fossil record actually show all species first appearing fully formed, with most nearly identical to current instances of the species?
ASIDE: Most of the examples touted by evolutionists concentrate on just one feature of the anatomy, like a particular bone or the skull. A true transitional fossil should be intermediate in many if not all aspects. The next time someone shows you how this bone changed over time, ask them about the rest of the creature too!
”

I can‘t count the number of times someone has told me about how their bone has changed over time, but that‘s probably beside the point, so I give up. I’ve been trying for the sake of fun to pretend that I’m on the creationists’ side. But this is just idiotic. If this was a high school debate and I was on the creation side I’d be crying into my shirtsleeve about now.

So I’ll just give up and go to bed. Anyway, the whole post was just the result of six hours of swimming, cornhole, and beer.

I was going to end this late-night post with the quote "...and now to bed!" but I'm too lazy to research and attribute it. Is it from one of the hobbits?