Resident Seer Reflects Upon 2010 Births

While the cable news programs have adequately covered (I'm guessing. I don't have cable) the retrospective reflections upon those important folk who, in this great year of two thousand and ten, kicked the proverbial bucket, it appears this humble blogger must step in and fill a shameful void by covering the year's births.

We turned to our in-house seer to provide the goods. So without further ado, here is your year in newborns:

January 4) Anna Nicole Nicole. Teen pop sensation will win multiple Grammies and set numerous sales records before falling into obscurity after 2028. Will star in a short-lived sit com in 2047.
January 11) John Wayne Soterman. Notorious mass murderer will kill 19 people and injure 17 others before shooting himself. Related side note: if you happen to be living in Ft. Worth in the year 2041, April 8 is not a good day to go shoe shopping.
February 13) Barack Obama Sinclair. 58th president of the United States, will be known chiefly for his controversial decision to permanently end U.S. involvement in the war in Afghanistan.
April 21) Meng Lau Yow. Developer of orally-administered cancer cure. Cure will first be marketed in 2047. Unfortunately, no one will be able to afford it.
May 3) Artimus 'Happy' Henderman. Star of the successful "Happy" series of movies, including "Happy Joins A Cult" and "Happy and the Hand Grenade."
July 31) Greta Senata. In the year 2043 becomes the first woman to swim from Poughkeepsie to Boston. Dozens of previous attempts, each of course tried after global warming and rising sea levels made the feat possible, all ended in failure.
August 11) General Juan Miguel Santos. Famed drug lord, supreme president (El Presidente Supremo) of Mexico and the New Mexico, Arizona, and Southern California territories. China will send troops to stabilize the region in 2054, but will not succeed in overthrowing Santos until his death in 2067.
September 30) Liam Anderson. In the year 2068, Anderson will conclusively prove either the existence or the non-existence of God. But we won't spoil the surprise!

Some other famous people were born October thru December, but my dinner is ready so I guess you'll just have to wait and see.

As it turns out, nothing is wrong.

There, now that I've completely ruined the suspense, here's the story:

I had a routine doctor's appointment Tuesday afternoon which included a routine contribution of various bodily fluids for subsequent testing.

Thursday night at bedtime I realized my telephone had been turned off all day. One missed voicemail message was a request to call my doctor's office.

Well, I thought, that sucks.
I knew very well they didn't want me to call because they wished to congratulate me on my excellent health. Something was wrong.

So I worried about it as I tried to go to sleep, and I started worrying about it again as soon as I woke up. Three hours later, when the doctor's office finally opened, I called to get the bad news, which was: just a mild vitamin D deficiency and I need to start taking a vitamin per day. No big deal.

And for the record, I didn't fret that much. I exaggerated to make the story more exciting. I was less worried about a severe problem than I was about the possibility I would need to go back and give another blood sample or something, thus requiring some schedule finagling at a time when I'm already working 11 and 12 hour days.

Vitamin D, though? I thought it a weird vitamin to lack, because exposure to sunlight pretty much took care of it. Then I realized how little time I've spent out-of-doors since softball season ended and figured that might be the cause. So perhaps the drastic cutback in golf has had some health consequences after all.

I was reading up a bit on the Soviet-Afghan war of the 80's when I came across a picture of the Afghanistan flag circa 1980-1987.
It struck me that the flag's seal looked a lot like Professor Chaos (Butters from South Park).

Anyway, according to the Wikipedia entry, here's what the seal actually represented:
"...a rising sun (a reference to the former name, Khorasan, meaning "Land of the Rising Sun"), a pulpit and the Qur'an for Islam, ribbons with the national colors, a cogwheel for industry, and a red star for communism"

Because I'm quite sure that everyone wants to know what I have been reading (I'm like Oprah in this way), here's a brief update.

It had been a good long while since I read anything noteworthy. I ran into a string of disappointing books and struggled to find anything I liked. Among the disappointments was "Martin Chuzzlewit." I guess I am just not a Dickens fan, but once in a while I give him another try.
Finally I took up the Stieg Larsson trilogy upon a recommendation from my parents. I was impressed. All three books were very entertaining. Two thumbs up.
Yesterday I bought a few used books, including a couple by P.G. Wodehouse. I've heard lots of good things about him over the years and finally decided to check him out. I've made a decent start on the first and I am impressed again.
I expected the humor to be a little dated. It is that, but still he's quite funny. In lots of ways the stories remind me of very old sit coms- the humor is along the lines of Burns and Allen or I Love Lucy. And those were good shows. Plus, since Wodehouse predates them by a couple of decades maybe they were actually stealing his style and material.

The Mad Procrastinating Handicapper Makes His Pick

I'll pick Blame in the Breeders Cup Classic.

Wow. That was easy. I wish I'd thought of making picks after the race a long time ago.

It was a great two days of racing. I don't know who came up with the Breeders Cup idea, but it was a good one. It's a great event every year.

I ended up just a few dollars down for the weekend.

While at work Friday I was a little perturbed because for some reason I couldn't bet by phone. I was even angrier when I lost out on a winner the 2nd race because of it. But it turns out I would have ended up at almost exactly even overall on the bets I didn't get to make, so no harm done.

Then today I lost big for a while, then made a steady rally for the last 3 races to almost break even again. Almost, but not quite.

It's that time of year. The days are getting chillier, kids are eating their Halloween candy, thoughts are turning to turkey, and the endless stream of pundits explaining what will happen in the election has morphed into an endless stream of pundits explaining what just happened in the election.

A popular topic among the pundits has to do with the packaging of respective messages. Apparently- and not surprisingly, considering the intelligence and attention span of the average person- it's important to have a unified, very simple message and express it all day, every day so that this very simple message sinks in.

It's finally occurring to me that the "conservatives" have a distinct advantage in this regard not because of better political gamesmanship but because of their actual beliefs about these issues. Almost across the board, their message is simpler because their belief is simpler.
I don't mean to imply (at least not in every case) that their belief is stupider. Just simpler. I tend to vote for the "liberals," of course, but I agree with the other side on some issues. And more often than not I believe both sides are completely full of shit.

But on almost every major issue, the so-called conservative stance is much, much easier to translate into an advertisement- whether on a commercial or a bumper sticker.

Just try to argue from each side as briefly and succinctly as possible while still being accurate. It is impossible in every case to express the "liberal" view in fewer words.

Here are some examples.

Abortion
Conservative: I'm pro-life.
Liberal: We are against abortions but in some cases have to consider what is best for all concerned.

Capital punishment:
Conservative: An eye for an eye.
Liberal: Uncomfortable moral implications and an imperfect judicial system have to be considered.

Taxes:
Conservative: Taxes should be lower.
Liberal: I'd like to lower taxes if possible but government serves an essential role and has to be paid for in some way.

Global warming:
Conservative: Global warming is a hoax.
Liberal: The great preponderance of scientific evidence is that global warming is real, that man is contributing to it, and that if something is not done there will be terrible consequences.

Gun control:
Conservative: Gun ownership is our right.
Liberal: We have a right to own guns for hunting, sports, and self-protection but must do something to keep guns out of the hands of criminals.

That was just a few. I've thought of lots more. In every cae, I think I the "conservative" side is presented quite accurately. The "liberal" view is relatively accurate for each, but I would probably require more words than I actually used if I wanted to be as accurate as I was when stating the "conservative" argument.

Under "Popular search topics" on my home page I saw "Chaplin time." I had no idea what it referred to, but I was curious so I searched it.
It turns out some doofus watching a 1928 Chaplin film spotted someone in the film who looked like they were talking on a cell phone. Mr. Doofus, of course, reached the obvious conclusion that it was a time traveller.



Obviously.
And I have to admit I would try to do the same thing. I mean, if I found myself in 1951 I would certainly try to work myself in as a background extra in On The Waterfront or something. Because that would be cool.

Two questions, Mr. Doofus.
1) Did he bring his own signal towers?
2) Are there roaming charges, or what?

Mr. Doofus is either just plain insane, or insanely stupid for believing it, or insanely brilliant for coaxing me into watching his stupid Youtube clip and even posting about it.